I have various "rules" for myself. Some have been learned the hard way and some are just part of my nature.
They are rules like "not waiting too long". Whether socializing, dating or dealing with work, I limit my waiting to hear from someone and move forward. Another rule is "first things first", family, work and other critical aspects in my life need to be addressed first in a timely manner. Yet another rule is to find balance and growth in myself. Often these rules collide and I have to make educated guesses about what I should or should not do.
What does this all have to do with kink events?
It takes time and money to go to a kink event. I can play in private and have enough play mates. It has to add value to me.
After that time and money is expended, have I gotten balance and growth out of it? And have I sacrificed time and money against what others would consider more important or I consider more important such as paying down a loan or buying clothing before a season starts for my kids?
2011 was a year of significant change. I had several financial set backs. My work enjoyment has significantly dropped. My lifestyle had to change because of family changes and some really amazing good things happened.
I could change jobs, reduce my pay, work harder and have significantly more enjoyment doing it. It is very tempting in a way most people don't understand. Instead, I will stick around for now and enjoy the other side of my life, my kinky side.
I have spent significant amount of time waiting for things to happen in my life. I don't wait much any more. If people want to tag along with me, great but I am doing things and I minimize the complications and responsibilities on myself. With regards to kink events, if I and no one else attends but me and I don't find value out of the event with my low expectations, I will not select it or go to it.
Hotel Kink Events
Many kink events that have bondage, flogging, rope suspension, single tail whips, take down play and many other types of play are in hotels. If things have worked out for the event, they have needle and cutting play (can be a hot button for health departments), fire play (can be a hot button for the fire department) and other types of play that health or safety people get concerned about especially when they don't understand it (or were not told about it). These are all done during the evening or night time "dungeon" or "play space" time.
During the day, they have classes, discussions and demonstrations on domination/submission, polyamorous discussions, protocol, master/slave relationships, BDSM play, etc. For a new person, these are good classes in general.
My problem is I need to learn more about myself and improve my rope skills so many classes at many events don't address that need. They are too basic or middle level.
If advance rope players don't attend the event and play, I can't watch and learn either. There are several good presenters who at the end of the grueling travel or presenting schedule, either don't play in public or do something that suits their needs of play that night.
Inbred Events
There are more then a few events where the event organizers and the people in attendance are one to several closely knit groups, the rest of the folks either want to be part of those "in" groups or are wonderfully independent kinksters. At this point, I steer clear of these events unless I know many people, expect to meet new people and advance my skills.
Some indications of this type of event are they are sold out, have exclusive first ticket purchases for people or word of mouth about the event is having drama. These are not solid telltales of this type of event, I have gone to events like this and had a fantastic and wonderful time but should be considered.
The downside of these types of events is that one can end up on the sidelines like in a high school dance, misled in some way or have some sort of manipulation happen. If you are new to the public scene (also known as "fresh meat") and don't have the experience set to detect and manage this situation, things can easily go the wrong.
My Upcoming Events
I am still working out finances, time available and event selection for the upcoming year. I have to do more to go away to an event given my family and lifestyle changes.
I wanted to go to the kink unconference LA GRUE to enjoy warmer weather in Los Angeles California, to support the GRUE and see friends I hadn't seen in a long time. The $400+ airplane ticket was a deal breaker but as luck would have it, I happen to have enough frequent flyer miles to avoid that cost. I get to go at the end of January.
I have heard repeatedly good things about New England Leather Alliance's (NELA) Fetish Flea. I still don't quite understand the event and expect it to be different then a standard hotel event in format. I will be attending that event in February.
Weekend after that is a local bar event in Pittsburgh at the Altar Bar, I plan to check it out since I have always wanted to check the bar out and they are having a fetish/kink theme night called Resurrection. I am not sure if I will play or not.
In March, I attend a conference called Momentum in Washington DC on feminism, sexuality, and relationships. It is a wonderful conference and gives me insight into the future and the present which I am clearly not happy about. I want to change when I can the little things I an do to make the world more forgiving or at least my part of it.
In May, I go to Shibaricon at the end of the month. This is my major rope event where I learn new things and how to do things better. It is also the only event that still intimidates me since instead of me being one of the few rope people, I am surrounded by rope people with many of them having mad skills in subtle ways better then I.
I love going to my only local to me BDSM club event called Kinko De Mayo. It happens in the month of May. I don't know if I can afford it this year or not. It is also a second event in a busy month. This will be a struggle to attend.
In the summer, I plan to go down to Floria and attend FetishCon. I don't consider this a kink event but an adult event with models, photographers and fans both professional and wanna-be. My kink world overlaps with professionals in the adult world and I want to understand this better and have fun socializing with my friends.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Monday, December 26, 2011
Fetish 101 in Pittsburgh & New York City Trip
A few weeks ago I went down to an open to the public party in the Pittsburgh Strip District. It was being held at a local bar. It was the second party that had been held.
I heard some things about the first party. It was crowded and people were walking into "scenes". I also heard comments about something to do with cameras. I wasn't sure what to expect so I got dressed up including my boots which I love to wear and headed down.
My plan was simple. Check it out. Enjoy some drinks, meet people and experience it. I wasn't planning on doing much else. I did bring my rope bag with me but left it in the car.
I parked down a block since parking can be a challenge and I saw a spot. I walked in the direction the building numbers trying to find it and smiled when I saw some fetish attire. I entered and paid the cover charge which was low compared to New York City and other places. I asked about getting in and out since I wasn't stamped. The man said he would remember me.
The first room was pretty nice. Lovely bar on the right side with a back room that had a pool table. I had passed a hallway. I got a drink. The bartender rocked. I love good bartenders.
I headed down the hallway. It had to the left three nook hole sitting areas. I liked those. It opened up into another large area with an elevated bar area to the right. A suspension rig was set up in this large area and two crosses were set up on the left with yellow police tape. The crowd was very small which was fine by me.
The suspension rig was in use by someone I knew. I watched some of the rope work. I chatted with people I knew. I heard about how this time compared to the last time. It seemed the door charge solved the problem of too many people coming off the street just to look inside at the fetish people.
Public Play
I was approached by someone I knew and asked about doing some rope. I said sure but I needed to get my rope bag and the like. We talked a bit more and was surprised to find out she had been bound in rope and dropped. We talked some more.
Because it was public play, even though the woman who was being tied up was topless with tape or something covering her nipples, I wouldn't be asking that. I don't like clothing getting wrapped in my ropes but it is just a dislike.
I went off to get my rope bag taking my time. I came back dropped my rope bag off and then went to bar and started my first in a series of diet colas.
The suspension rig became free. We chatted some more and continue to talk as I wrapped rope around here. Her friends were there too. It was a good time. The chest harness was fun. The hip harness didn't quite work for her. I re-did it and put her up.
We had some playful fun. I do like to make breasts sore and asses red. I can't resist doing it to a tightly bound woman.
After that play was done, I got some more diet colas in me and did another suspension. This was fantastic too.
The place was filling up and had a wonderful energy. I didn't think it would be wise to do any more playing so I packed up my stuff.
End of the Night
I said hello to someone I knew. She was dressed in fetish attire from head to foot. I think men were swarming her and my hello was badly timed. Oh well.
The rest of the night was the simple pleasure of enjoying the kinky and fetish people who I knew and meeting new people. It was a blast. I had switched back to drinking and nursed a couple of Black Russian drinks. I learned some more things. It was a good night and ended very well.
New York City
I went up to visit friends in New York City. The first night would include attending the Red Umbrella Diaries at the Happy Ending Lounge in the lower east side. It used to be named other things such as Sex Worker Literati.
The organizers, Dee Dennis and Tess announced it would be their last one. They were too busy with thinks like Momentum Con.
I was surprised by one woman's presentation and had missed from the ambient noise what she had said right before she said it. She indicated that Momentum Con was an event where sex workers could feel comfortable compared to other events. I asked her later about the comment since I had missed some of what she said. We talked some. I knew her name but had never met her. She was the lovely Sabrina Morgan and it turns out also a tech person.
It was disappointing to me but as I thought about it, it seems very possible that many events "out" sex workers. They can go overboard with their drama in many directions which I have seen.
I am glad I am more aware and will try and help.
Wonderful Chance Meeting
A good friend of mine who has been in gypsy mode for half a year or so and I loved bumping into her was now living in Minnesota.
I was outside the Happy Ending lounge, looking at the street, the buildings, the truck in the street being repaired in front of the mechanic's place and was totally surprised to see her standing there. I gave her a hug and realized I was feeling lost like I was in another city. It happens given I bounce between enough of them.
It was so good to see her.
Winding Down
Several of us went to a diner a few blocks over. We had to work out some logistics with cars and parking. It worked out. We had a good meal and a lovely discussion. It was unfortunate that one of my friends who is deathly allergic to wheat ended up with breaded onion rings on her plate. I scoped them off her plate as quickly as possible.
After that we headed back, I picked up my car from the hotel and went over to a friend's place. We chatted for another hour or so longer and then it was time to call it a night.
The next day I met up for breakfast. It was good time and then I had to decide what I was going to do. Try and catch up with other friend's in New Jersey or head back. I decided given I was taking my time and enjoying life away from work that I would head back.
I packed up my stuff, checked some email and then started the long many hour drive back to Pittsburgh.
I heard some things about the first party. It was crowded and people were walking into "scenes". I also heard comments about something to do with cameras. I wasn't sure what to expect so I got dressed up including my boots which I love to wear and headed down.
My plan was simple. Check it out. Enjoy some drinks, meet people and experience it. I wasn't planning on doing much else. I did bring my rope bag with me but left it in the car.
I parked down a block since parking can be a challenge and I saw a spot. I walked in the direction the building numbers trying to find it and smiled when I saw some fetish attire. I entered and paid the cover charge which was low compared to New York City and other places. I asked about getting in and out since I wasn't stamped. The man said he would remember me.
The first room was pretty nice. Lovely bar on the right side with a back room that had a pool table. I had passed a hallway. I got a drink. The bartender rocked. I love good bartenders.
I headed down the hallway. It had to the left three nook hole sitting areas. I liked those. It opened up into another large area with an elevated bar area to the right. A suspension rig was set up in this large area and two crosses were set up on the left with yellow police tape. The crowd was very small which was fine by me.
The suspension rig was in use by someone I knew. I watched some of the rope work. I chatted with people I knew. I heard about how this time compared to the last time. It seemed the door charge solved the problem of too many people coming off the street just to look inside at the fetish people.
Public Play
I was approached by someone I knew and asked about doing some rope. I said sure but I needed to get my rope bag and the like. We talked a bit more and was surprised to find out she had been bound in rope and dropped. We talked some more.
Because it was public play, even though the woman who was being tied up was topless with tape or something covering her nipples, I wouldn't be asking that. I don't like clothing getting wrapped in my ropes but it is just a dislike.
I went off to get my rope bag taking my time. I came back dropped my rope bag off and then went to bar and started my first in a series of diet colas.
The suspension rig became free. We chatted some more and continue to talk as I wrapped rope around here. Her friends were there too. It was a good time. The chest harness was fun. The hip harness didn't quite work for her. I re-did it and put her up.
We had some playful fun. I do like to make breasts sore and asses red. I can't resist doing it to a tightly bound woman.
After that play was done, I got some more diet colas in me and did another suspension. This was fantastic too.
The place was filling up and had a wonderful energy. I didn't think it would be wise to do any more playing so I packed up my stuff.
End of the Night
I said hello to someone I knew. She was dressed in fetish attire from head to foot. I think men were swarming her and my hello was badly timed. Oh well.
The rest of the night was the simple pleasure of enjoying the kinky and fetish people who I knew and meeting new people. It was a blast. I had switched back to drinking and nursed a couple of Black Russian drinks. I learned some more things. It was a good night and ended very well.
New York City
 |
| Happy Ending Lounge :-) |
The organizers, Dee Dennis and Tess announced it would be their last one. They were too busy with thinks like Momentum Con.
I was surprised by one woman's presentation and had missed from the ambient noise what she had said right before she said it. She indicated that Momentum Con was an event where sex workers could feel comfortable compared to other events. I asked her later about the comment since I had missed some of what she said. We talked some. I knew her name but had never met her. She was the lovely Sabrina Morgan and it turns out also a tech person.
It was disappointing to me but as I thought about it, it seems very possible that many events "out" sex workers. They can go overboard with their drama in many directions which I have seen.
I am glad I am more aware and will try and help.
Wonderful Chance Meeting
A good friend of mine who has been in gypsy mode for half a year or so and I loved bumping into her was now living in Minnesota.
I was outside the Happy Ending lounge, looking at the street, the buildings, the truck in the street being repaired in front of the mechanic's place and was totally surprised to see her standing there. I gave her a hug and realized I was feeling lost like I was in another city. It happens given I bounce between enough of them.
It was so good to see her.
Winding Down
Several of us went to a diner a few blocks over. We had to work out some logistics with cars and parking. It worked out. We had a good meal and a lovely discussion. It was unfortunate that one of my friends who is deathly allergic to wheat ended up with breaded onion rings on her plate. I scoped them off her plate as quickly as possible.
After that we headed back, I picked up my car from the hotel and went over to a friend's place. We chatted for another hour or so longer and then it was time to call it a night.
The next day I met up for breakfast. It was good time and then I had to decide what I was going to do. Try and catch up with other friend's in New Jersey or head back. I decided given I was taking my time and enjoying life away from work that I would head back.
I packed up my stuff, checked some email and then started the long many hour drive back to Pittsburgh.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Why do I have this blog?
I have a variety of reasons for having this blog.
I have the skills and knowledge to market a blog or a web site, expanding the public relations part of it, handling market communications and so on. I have done this elsewhere.
I could be doing things like putting pointers to it on twitter, fetlife and other social media outlets. I could be working in keywords for web search engines, adding sexy mainstream photos with captions for image searches, dropping people's names, etc. I could be working to get other blogs and social media to have links to this blog to also expand the hit rate and other tricks. There is an endless number of things I could do to make this blog more visible but then that would be work.
I am not interested in that work.
My intent behind my blog is to provide some help to myself and to others. By writing down things, organizing things and reading them back I get some clarity for myself and it helps my thinking. There are times I just need to express myself without any regards to other people, it makes me feel better. Sometimes I write in the hopes that others may be helped, I consider that a failing of sorts given the internet is filled with trolls and that sort of goodness is buried under the crap.
I have limits with this blog.
I would love to think it is anonymous but I know better. A little digging, back door access and some other tricks and I am easily found. There are even easier ways to find me using other people's web sites and some non-online detective work. With this reality in mind, I pull back on some details about people, places and myself -- whatever I put in this blog is something I have to live with.
The person, me, behind the blog is known in various places and circles. I have in person talked with a variety of people who are on twitter or have blogs. It doesn't really matter whether they know I have a blog or not.
I have tried to "out" myself with care and tact. It seems impossible at work given the politics, their policies and the unclear boundary of where work stops and a personal life starts. I have worked to move off of people's radar screen so I can be more open. I have had limited success with my family too. I don't have any agenda of saying "here I am" to anyone. I just need to be honest with close and personal family and friends if the subject comes up in a positive setting.
In summary, this is a little blog in a little corner of the internet and I am just fine with that.
I have the skills and knowledge to market a blog or a web site, expanding the public relations part of it, handling market communications and so on. I have done this elsewhere.
I could be doing things like putting pointers to it on twitter, fetlife and other social media outlets. I could be working in keywords for web search engines, adding sexy mainstream photos with captions for image searches, dropping people's names, etc. I could be working to get other blogs and social media to have links to this blog to also expand the hit rate and other tricks. There is an endless number of things I could do to make this blog more visible but then that would be work.
I am not interested in that work.
My intent behind my blog is to provide some help to myself and to others. By writing down things, organizing things and reading them back I get some clarity for myself and it helps my thinking. There are times I just need to express myself without any regards to other people, it makes me feel better. Sometimes I write in the hopes that others may be helped, I consider that a failing of sorts given the internet is filled with trolls and that sort of goodness is buried under the crap.
I have limits with this blog.
I would love to think it is anonymous but I know better. A little digging, back door access and some other tricks and I am easily found. There are even easier ways to find me using other people's web sites and some non-online detective work. With this reality in mind, I pull back on some details about people, places and myself -- whatever I put in this blog is something I have to live with.
The person, me, behind the blog is known in various places and circles. I have in person talked with a variety of people who are on twitter or have blogs. It doesn't really matter whether they know I have a blog or not.
I have tried to "out" myself with care and tact. It seems impossible at work given the politics, their policies and the unclear boundary of where work stops and a personal life starts. I have worked to move off of people's radar screen so I can be more open. I have had limited success with my family too. I don't have any agenda of saying "here I am" to anyone. I just need to be honest with close and personal family and friends if the subject comes up in a positive setting.
In summary, this is a little blog in a little corner of the internet and I am just fine with that.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
A Private Play Date After a While ...
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Thursday, November 24, 2011
Giving Thanks
I like the part of Thanksgiving where people give thanks for what they find of value in their lives especially with regards to other. For me it really doesn't matter if there are people around or not. It is the seeking of the positive over the past year, who you have become to be and for the positive parts of the road travel for yourself.
I say this in the context that I don't view the commercial start of Thanksgiving with positive thoughts. For me it is the start of some combination of drama, stress and social pressures the week before Thanksgiving until sometime after the New Years.
For example, I thought I had a dorm room to live in until summer but found out the college I attended closed them for two or more weeks making me homeless again. I have on numerous occasions ended up working in one way or another during the holidays, at first for the money but later on to handle my job. There were a few years where because of business, there was no money, no food and I lost 10 or more pounds to only have a welcome amount of money appear at the end of January. Even when I made sure, there was money and I wasn't suppose to work, it was amazing how things still ended up a mess.
Therefore I could totally relate when this morning my son, gave me a hug and said "thanks" to me. He explained that if he had been at my ex's place, this day would be yet another day of stress. It made me smile and I didn't mention the several dramas that unfolded at work on Tuesday that could have made my Thanksgiving a stress ball.
So I begin ...
Thanks for the good people in my life!
There was a point in my life, I would guess about age 19 where another wave of insanity had hit me. My life, my body and the world was out of control. The predators in the world seemed to sense this and pursued me for their sexual needs, wanted to "convert" me, wanted me for news and other motivations. There were others who just enjoyed making life horrible for others and found me on their radar. I really thought less of people in general.
Yet again, in this haze of insanity, some small kindness happened and happened again and again. I expected strings to be attached. I expected some sort of betrayal. The thing is nothing happen like that. It was just goodness from people I didn't understand but were part of my life.
I started to believe slowly in adding to the community and making the world a better place. The trick was to be with those good people.
My world at that time was a sub-culture that was misunderstood but I built on it. I steered toward the good people and it worked out well.
When I entered the kinky world, it seemed to be the same way. I continued to steer toward the good people.
I am so blessed by the kinky good friends. Thank you.
Thanks to my kids!
I am so glad they are in my life even though there is an ebb and a flow. I have worried, carried, hugged, prayed, cried, freaked out, stressed out, waited by the phone and so on for so much of their lives that it is fantastic that they both seem to have their heads on straight and are making tough choices.
I don't wish the insanity I had early in my life on them. I can't shelter them from that. I can just be there and hopefully make the right choices in how to support them so they come out of it okay. I still worry on occasion but they are old enough that I have to let them be themselves.
Thanks to my Poly Group!
Being alone is easy but I can't do it. It was easy when a play partner become my lover. It didn't really matter she had other lovers and doms in her life. It got more complicated when I added another serious play partner. It definitely got more complicated when another relationship turned into a lover.
They put up with me. I am amazed by that. I appreciate it and don't take it for granted. I can't be something I am not nor will I try to be monogamous.
I love the three women in my life, two of which are "my girls". I am blessed. I am very thankful for them.
Thanks to the Community Drivers: Advocates, Educators, Organizers, etc.
I have gone to numerous events, taken numerous classes, purchased media (books, DVDs, access web media, etc.) and learned about my kinky sexual side many new things, have improved my rope skills and have meet many wonderful people.
This wouldn't be possible with people spear heading things in a positive way, doing things in a positive way and organizing things. There is tons of negative thinking connected to sex and blatant broken assumptions. Things would be a much different world if people were not pushing forward in organizing, educating and so on whether it was kink related, sex related, gender related, sex worker related, slut walk related, feminist related and so on.
When I can, I try to help. It may be as simple as attended the event, going to the class, helping clean up at an event, buying an educators book or making a donation. I do what I can anonymously.
It is their work that makes the world a better place. I can't be out in front but I do what I can to support their efforts.
My thanks to them!
Final Thanks: Good Heath
I myself have had problems with health. My one partner has survived cancer. Another one had some huge health issues. I know others are struggling.
I pray and hope for good health. There have been ups and downs but things are good. I am keeping my fingers crossed and counting my blessings.
My thanks for the good health with my friends and myself!
I say this in the context that I don't view the commercial start of Thanksgiving with positive thoughts. For me it is the start of some combination of drama, stress and social pressures the week before Thanksgiving until sometime after the New Years.
For example, I thought I had a dorm room to live in until summer but found out the college I attended closed them for two or more weeks making me homeless again. I have on numerous occasions ended up working in one way or another during the holidays, at first for the money but later on to handle my job. There were a few years where because of business, there was no money, no food and I lost 10 or more pounds to only have a welcome amount of money appear at the end of January. Even when I made sure, there was money and I wasn't suppose to work, it was amazing how things still ended up a mess.
Therefore I could totally relate when this morning my son, gave me a hug and said "thanks" to me. He explained that if he had been at my ex's place, this day would be yet another day of stress. It made me smile and I didn't mention the several dramas that unfolded at work on Tuesday that could have made my Thanksgiving a stress ball.
So I begin ...
Thanks for the good people in my life!
There was a point in my life, I would guess about age 19 where another wave of insanity had hit me. My life, my body and the world was out of control. The predators in the world seemed to sense this and pursued me for their sexual needs, wanted to "convert" me, wanted me for news and other motivations. There were others who just enjoyed making life horrible for others and found me on their radar. I really thought less of people in general.
Yet again, in this haze of insanity, some small kindness happened and happened again and again. I expected strings to be attached. I expected some sort of betrayal. The thing is nothing happen like that. It was just goodness from people I didn't understand but were part of my life.
I started to believe slowly in adding to the community and making the world a better place. The trick was to be with those good people.
My world at that time was a sub-culture that was misunderstood but I built on it. I steered toward the good people and it worked out well.
When I entered the kinky world, it seemed to be the same way. I continued to steer toward the good people.
I am so blessed by the kinky good friends. Thank you.
Thanks to my kids!
I am so glad they are in my life even though there is an ebb and a flow. I have worried, carried, hugged, prayed, cried, freaked out, stressed out, waited by the phone and so on for so much of their lives that it is fantastic that they both seem to have their heads on straight and are making tough choices.
I don't wish the insanity I had early in my life on them. I can't shelter them from that. I can just be there and hopefully make the right choices in how to support them so they come out of it okay. I still worry on occasion but they are old enough that I have to let them be themselves.
Thanks to my Poly Group!
Being alone is easy but I can't do it. It was easy when a play partner become my lover. It didn't really matter she had other lovers and doms in her life. It got more complicated when I added another serious play partner. It definitely got more complicated when another relationship turned into a lover.
They put up with me. I am amazed by that. I appreciate it and don't take it for granted. I can't be something I am not nor will I try to be monogamous.
I love the three women in my life, two of which are "my girls". I am blessed. I am very thankful for them.
Thanks to the Community Drivers: Advocates, Educators, Organizers, etc.
I have gone to numerous events, taken numerous classes, purchased media (books, DVDs, access web media, etc.) and learned about my kinky sexual side many new things, have improved my rope skills and have meet many wonderful people.
This wouldn't be possible with people spear heading things in a positive way, doing things in a positive way and organizing things. There is tons of negative thinking connected to sex and blatant broken assumptions. Things would be a much different world if people were not pushing forward in organizing, educating and so on whether it was kink related, sex related, gender related, sex worker related, slut walk related, feminist related and so on.
When I can, I try to help. It may be as simple as attended the event, going to the class, helping clean up at an event, buying an educators book or making a donation. I do what I can anonymously.
It is their work that makes the world a better place. I can't be out in front but I do what I can to support their efforts.
My thanks to them!
Final Thanks: Good Heath
I myself have had problems with health. My one partner has survived cancer. Another one had some huge health issues. I know others are struggling.
I pray and hope for good health. There have been ups and downs but things are good. I am keeping my fingers crossed and counting my blessings.
My thanks for the good health with my friends and myself!
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Entering the Pittsburgh Kink Scene
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Sunday, September 25, 2011
Spitting out "Safety" in a Kinky Context
I hear and read these "safety" comments.Most of them seem superficial, weren't worth the time to read and are missing more important less superficial things.
It is cool when I attend an advance rope class and within 30 seconds because everyone else has been doing rope, we get over in a minute the agony of what to discuss about safety.
What I wish people would talk about doesn't happen which leads me to believe people are throwing up safety comments to somehow convince others they know what they are talking about. Given this particular behavior is a common part of my life, it annoys me.
I try to understand and continue to engage in listening or reading in the kinky world but it often goes into the weeds, pops up with misinformation or people start hand waving away the issues. If they aren't listening then it isn't worth the effort to communicate. It doesn't matter if it is a FetLife thread, a hallway conversation at a kink event or on some kinky mailing list.
Little actions like having EMT scissors on hand don't imply things are safe in kinky hot sexual situations.It is just a tool lying on the floor or stuck in someone's clothing. There is when and how to use it.
I stopped sending things into the mailing list.
At some point in the middle of the thread, some male started throwing around the term "fear mongering". He was discounting this issue. I wasn't happy reading his profile either. There is an educational disconnect from my read.
Yet again the issue boils down to communication, situational awareness and how good you are in judging people. If you can't read people and don't know them, stay away from private or highly controlled situations until you know them better or know their reputation better. Heck they could be telling you they are someone else that has a great repurtation and until you meet them, you will not know if they are actually that person!
Of course there are ways to mitigate meeting in private the first time. One was mentioned and nothing much said about using a "safe call". Another one I advocate is meeting with a common friend. There are other solutions.
The clueless and the predators are in the majority online.
I read comments about SSC, RACK and other things. It almost seems like people are selling something with these comments.My read is "Play with me! If I mess you up, it will be your fault!"
If they are throwing out terms like "dom", "sub", "SSC", "consent" and other things without any form of real communication and understand of what each side needs and wants and doesn't want, it is a bad sign.
If you get this far in my blog, please read the blog entry "ABC's of Abuse and Kink" by Silverdreams.She is a good soul, a good friend and knows her stuff in the Boston BDSM scene.
I don't want to be accused of assault, sexual assault, rape and kidnap. I don't want to be at events where "minors" are present which in the state of Pennsylvania can be under the age of 21 or in the state of Ohio can be under the age of 19. I also don't want friends and new people hurt, raped, damaged permanently or killed by the posturing fools.
The thing is that the origin of this term has nothing to do with this. It is a slogan to explain to the mainstream that someone beating another person's bottom is "okay" in a sense. There isn't anything inherently wrong with enjoying or providing pain. There isn't any mental health issue or other issues. Check out this web page on the Leather Leadership Conference folks on "SSC".
I appreciate the value of RACK. It is something to strive for but it isn't clear to me at all when someone has achieved the state of being ":Risk Aware".
I drive to work all the time doing more then 10 miles. I have no idea what level of risk I am taking by doing so. I am aware that the first and last mile have the higher risk factors, the more you drive has a higher risk factor, living away from a city has a higher risk factor and certain states have high risk factors. Spending time and energy to be aware of the current evolving understanding of those risks isn't going to stop me from driving. One can easily Google traffic stats and find this stuff.
Some definitions of PRICK seem to be the same as RACK, one I found is "PRICK essentially encourages each participant to take responsibility for his/her own actions, as well as being informed (aware of) the risks involved."
In the end, I take responsibility to make sure what is happening with who I am playing with and more importanty myself! I don't play when I am upset and I stop play when things have gone in an unexpected and unclear direction where I am worried. Sometimes those unexpected directions are as simple as my not being able to "read" who I am playing with. I pull back.
I have no idea whether they were thinking about simple wrist ties and adding elements like water that make the rope swell, become tighter and impossible to untie without cutting. There was mention of suspensions and the like. Way too much hand waving all over the map for my taste.
Rope can be used in many many different ways. A ground position when moved to steps can cause the same effects as an inversion with the head down. Rope can be around the eyes, the mouth, the nose, the entire body and so forth causing a variety of risks. If a gag can become lethal with breathing problems, gag reflexes and with other things like vomiting, rope has even more risks.
Some resources on the web for consideration:
I have a solid background in renovations, mechanical systems, physics and other areas. I can size up a hard point pretty well in a short amount of time. If I am puzzled, you will see me doing things that may make no sense like walking to the side of a room and looking up or pounding on something to listen to it.
If I still have doubts, I will hang my suspension rig and then hang on it trying to bounce. This is the "big old boy" test. It is a imperfect and poor testing but can give significant clues about structural integrity. It will not tell if something else is happening that will invalidate things like someone moving furniture upstairs, train causing vibrations that comes by later, etc.
Another thing I do is look around at the surroundings, the people and try to keep vigilant. Everything is dynamic and if I don't understand something from my street wise smarts then I hold back and try to address it.
This is just the start. I haven't even gotten to the rope, who I am tying, how I am doing mentally and other aspects.
I filter through immediate risks pretty quickly in my head. I don't explain that thinking. I boil what could take 3 or more hours down to 10 minutes and keep some type of communication active during play. I am present in the scene with who I am playing with. If not, I don't play or stop playing.
The labels don't work for me. All I have is my efforts to be honest as I can be, balance my kinky needs that are risky against safety and work to be a positive contributing member of the community. I make mistakes. I own them.
It is cool when I attend an advance rope class and within 30 seconds because everyone else has been doing rope, we get over in a minute the agony of what to discuss about safety.
What I wish people would talk about doesn't happen which leads me to believe people are throwing up safety comments to somehow convince others they know what they are talking about. Given this particular behavior is a common part of my life, it annoys me.
I try to understand and continue to engage in listening or reading in the kinky world but it often goes into the weeds, pops up with misinformation or people start hand waving away the issues. If they aren't listening then it isn't worth the effort to communicate. It doesn't matter if it is a FetLife thread, a hallway conversation at a kink event or on some kinky mailing list.
Little actions like having EMT scissors on hand don't imply things are safe in kinky hot sexual situations.It is just a tool lying on the floor or stuck in someone's clothing. There is when and how to use it.
Rope Around the Neck
For example, on a tamer bondage mailing list, I responded to a comment about playing with rope and rope around the neck. The complete response and context doesn't really matter. The important part is what I said in the middle:and then
The real question is do you know your partner? Do you know when they have a face that says things aren't going well? What is their happy face? What is their look when they are floating and not thinking?
Do you understand when you are floating and not thinking?
My advice is to start off slow. Communicate frequently. Learn what your ropes are doing and what isn't good. Don't leave the person tied alone. Have EMT scissors handy (don't want pointy normal scissors or knives used in a panic situation).
When the communication is more subtle and less verbal and you have learned what ties are slipping and doing bad things, advance your play.
Play, communicate and learn. Advance your play....The thread quickly went off into the weeds.One reaction was about the dangers of "breath play" and name dropping happened. Another reaction was "thanks for the information". When I tried to clarify the breath play issue, it went off into the weeds about my use of the phase "edge play".
I stopped sending things into the mailing list.
Meeting in Private
Yet again I read a thread about "first meeting in private". My read of it was that some woman was being bullied by some man to meet in private for the first time face to face. The replies by many was that this was a bad sign or a "red flag". Others however argued "why not?". I commented that there is risk to both people meeting like this with the man possibly getting a variety of criminal complaints filed such as assault, sexual assault, kidnapping, etc.The gender is really unimportant but male "top" and female "bottom" is the common situation.At some point in the middle of the thread, some male started throwing around the term "fear mongering". He was discounting this issue. I wasn't happy reading his profile either. There is an educational disconnect from my read.
Yet again the issue boils down to communication, situational awareness and how good you are in judging people. If you can't read people and don't know them, stay away from private or highly controlled situations until you know them better or know their reputation better. Heck they could be telling you they are someone else that has a great repurtation and until you meet them, you will not know if they are actually that person!
Of course there are ways to mitigate meeting in private the first time. One was mentioned and nothing much said about using a "safe call". Another one I advocate is meeting with a common friend. There are other solutions.
The clueless and the predators are in the majority online.
Hand Waving with "Safe, Sane and Consensual
The phrase "I am Safe, Sane and Consensual" kills me. You are? Really? Prove it!I read comments about SSC, RACK and other things. It almost seems like people are selling something with these comments.My read is "Play with me! If I mess you up, it will be your fault!"
If they are throwing out terms like "dom", "sub", "SSC", "consent" and other things without any form of real communication and understand of what each side needs and wants and doesn't want, it is a bad sign.
If you get this far in my blog, please read the blog entry "ABC's of Abuse and Kink" by Silverdreams.She is a good soul, a good friend and knows her stuff in the Boston BDSM scene.
My Care, My Concerns and People who are Important to Me!
My first concerns are about general trust and who I am playing with as a top. I have similar concerns about others who play as bottoms. The key element is the people who don't get it or our "out to get" something besides having kinky sexual fun. Silver dream has a wonderful post about these "don't understand" issues with her post "Running Standing Still".I don't want to be accused of assault, sexual assault, rape and kidnap. I don't want to be at events where "minors" are present which in the state of Pennsylvania can be under the age of 21 or in the state of Ohio can be under the age of 19. I also don't want friends and new people hurt, raped, damaged permanently or killed by the posturing fools.
SSC: Safe Sane and Consensual
I see this term thrown around constantly like it is something that will make the world a better place. It is used as a reason for why good things will happen.The thing is that the origin of this term has nothing to do with this. It is a slogan to explain to the mainstream that someone beating another person's bottom is "okay" in a sense. There isn't anything inherently wrong with enjoying or providing pain. There isn't any mental health issue or other issues. Check out this web page on the Leather Leadership Conference folks on "SSC".
RACK: Risk Aware Consensual Kink
This is another hand wave of sorts. I can't find a copy of the original posting but it is attributed to Gary Switch in various places and his comments can be found in various web sites such as this "Origin of RACK: RACK vs. SSC"I appreciate the value of RACK. It is something to strive for but it isn't clear to me at all when someone has achieved the state of being ":Risk Aware".
I drive to work all the time doing more then 10 miles. I have no idea what level of risk I am taking by doing so. I am aware that the first and last mile have the higher risk factors, the more you drive has a higher risk factor, living away from a city has a higher risk factor and certain states have high risk factors. Spending time and energy to be aware of the current evolving understanding of those risks isn't going to stop me from driving. One can easily Google traffic stats and find this stuff.
PRICK: Personal Responsibility, Informed Consensual Kink
This is a term I subscribed to if I understand it correctly. I am not really trying to label things so deep diving into it is not something I have done seriously. It isn't clear who coined this term but it seems to have been around since 2009.Some definitions of PRICK seem to be the same as RACK, one I found is "PRICK essentially encourages each participant to take responsibility for his/her own actions, as well as being informed (aware of) the risks involved."
In the end, I take responsibility to make sure what is happening with who I am playing with and more importanty myself! I don't play when I am upset and I stop play when things have gone in an unexpected and unclear direction where I am worried. Sometimes those unexpected directions are as simple as my not being able to "read" who I am playing with. I pull back.
Rope Bondage
Going back to that thread I was trying to be helpful on. Well, eventually someone saidRope bondage is safe ....This was in reaction to my expression that rope in my book is edge play. It was a muddled discussion since everyone had different definitions of "edge play" and had different definitions of "rope play". I stopped at that point.
I have no idea whether they were thinking about simple wrist ties and adding elements like water that make the rope swell, become tighter and impossible to untie without cutting. There was mention of suspensions and the like. Way too much hand waving all over the map for my taste.
Rope can be used in many many different ways. A ground position when moved to steps can cause the same effects as an inversion with the head down. Rope can be around the eyes, the mouth, the nose, the entire body and so forth causing a variety of risks. If a gag can become lethal with breathing problems, gag reflexes and with other things like vomiting, rope has even more risks.
Some resources on the web for consideration:
My Concerns
The safety yapping about "SSC", "RACK", "PRICK" and so on doesn't change the risk of people who don't get it, are abusers, haven't a clue or simply don't care. I worry about being mixed in with this chatter.I have a solid background in renovations, mechanical systems, physics and other areas. I can size up a hard point pretty well in a short amount of time. If I am puzzled, you will see me doing things that may make no sense like walking to the side of a room and looking up or pounding on something to listen to it.
If I still have doubts, I will hang my suspension rig and then hang on it trying to bounce. This is the "big old boy" test. It is a imperfect and poor testing but can give significant clues about structural integrity. It will not tell if something else is happening that will invalidate things like someone moving furniture upstairs, train causing vibrations that comes by later, etc.
Another thing I do is look around at the surroundings, the people and try to keep vigilant. Everything is dynamic and if I don't understand something from my street wise smarts then I hold back and try to address it.
This is just the start. I haven't even gotten to the rope, who I am tying, how I am doing mentally and other aspects.
I filter through immediate risks pretty quickly in my head. I don't explain that thinking. I boil what could take 3 or more hours down to 10 minutes and keep some type of communication active during play. I am present in the scene with who I am playing with. If not, I don't play or stop playing.
The labels don't work for me. All I have is my efforts to be honest as I can be, balance my kinky needs that are risky against safety and work to be a positive contributing member of the community. I make mistakes. I own them.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Fun Get Together
Like a bad movie in production for months, I ended up stepping in at work and undid edits, made new edits and other changes to get the product out of the door. Everyone was following my lead and upper management was blasting me with communication requests because of their angst. It was a total drain on me with 12 and longer hour days. When it was all done, I had done in about 2 weeks about 3 weeks worth of work and communication.
I took it easy for the next week. It was good since Raven had a bad cold and sure enough. I came down with the nasty bug too. Raven ended up doing well and I extended my time off from work. In the middle of this coughing and so on she was commenting about friends coming in from out of town. I wasn't really paying attention and she was off doing school work.
The weekend came, I was feeling better and head down to her place very late. Still weak but managing, the people start arriving. It was great. We chatted about kink, silly stuff like clitter glitter and other things until past 4AM.
The next day we took it easy. I don't have any idea when we awoke other then there was six naked bodies sleeping in one room in pairs. It made me smile. People were having fun talking, biting, kissing, licking, sucking, beating and other kinky stuff. This was all happening while I was mumbling about coffee, making it and trying to wake up.
I think later on I fell asleep in the middle of the floor. By time I awoke, it look like an adult toy shop had exploded over the place and people were talking and yapping. I don't quite remember what happened later on other then we mixed in more play, me doing some inverted suspensions, photography and diner.
Diner was good. I started with a "Patron Perfect:" margarita and everyone followed suit it seems. Raven tormented me by getting some ice cream desert which I am allergic too.
Somewhere past midnight, I took one person home so they could work. The next day, we chatted some more, did some more fun and said our goodbyes to everyone.
Raven and I headed to my place. By the end of the drive, I was a zombie and dreading Monday.
Play hard. Work hard.
I took it easy for the next week. It was good since Raven had a bad cold and sure enough. I came down with the nasty bug too. Raven ended up doing well and I extended my time off from work. In the middle of this coughing and so on she was commenting about friends coming in from out of town. I wasn't really paying attention and she was off doing school work.
The weekend came, I was feeling better and head down to her place very late. Still weak but managing, the people start arriving. It was great. We chatted about kink, silly stuff like clitter glitter and other things until past 4AM.
The next day we took it easy. I don't have any idea when we awoke other then there was six naked bodies sleeping in one room in pairs. It made me smile. People were having fun talking, biting, kissing, licking, sucking, beating and other kinky stuff. This was all happening while I was mumbling about coffee, making it and trying to wake up.
I think later on I fell asleep in the middle of the floor. By time I awoke, it look like an adult toy shop had exploded over the place and people were talking and yapping. I don't quite remember what happened later on other then we mixed in more play, me doing some inverted suspensions, photography and diner.
 |
| Some pretty rope marks |
Somewhere past midnight, I took one person home so they could work. The next day, we chatted some more, did some more fun and said our goodbyes to everyone.
Raven and I headed to my place. By the end of the drive, I was a zombie and dreading Monday.
Play hard. Work hard.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Questions, Poly & D/s
The plan was simple, I would in about two weeks take Friday off and have a long weekend spending it with a friend who I adored, loved playing with and had been talking to my other partners about.
Well in a short time, things got very complicated at work, at home and elsewhere. It happens. It is normal and comes with my life. The complexity hit early. For example, I got a surprise meeting invite a couple of hours before Raven needed to catch her flight to see her new lover. I suspected this would happen and was so happy Batty and Raven worked out the logistics of getting her to the Airport.
The next bump hit hard. I was working non-stop up to when I was suppose to take the next day off. Discussions started to happen about me working while on vacation. Ugh! As luck and politics would happen, things fizzled. Thank goodness.
At the same time, my friend's life had some twists and turns. When I woke up Friday, I took my time packing, doing some work, getting a haircut before hitting the road. I wouldn't see her for a while.
I have a long list of relationship screw ups and disasters. There is a huge range. Some are the ones related to ending a relationship, the lies said to avoid the truth like avoiding calls or "been busy". Some are the ones related to going too fast, coming across as too much, smothering and a list of other mistakes. Some are mistakes from simply lying to myself about who I am and trying to be something I am not.
I needed to see her, face to face, watch her eyes, her lips, her smile, her body and be touching her as we talked. There was no way I was going to do this in email or over the telephone where so much information is lost between two people.
It was fantastic to see her. I stripped out my clothes and toweled off some more and then we cuddled and kissed. With me naked and her fully clothed, I said "I have some questions" and she replied "I do too". It made me smile.
I told her I was avoiding asking her one and she asked "Why?". Wow. Good question.
The mystery and hope that exists before asking a question is wonderful. It is part of my kink and intimacy to learn about someone non-verbally, learn about each other especially in a dominate/submissive context. Mmmmm the wonderful mystery, excitement and thrill.
Asking the question and getting the desired answer is wonderful. Getting the undesired answer or something else can pause things and require more pondering and new understanding. Either answer defines the relationship better but it is a shame to lose the mystery, the excitement and hope. The cool thing is that there is so much to learn and explore so it is time to ask away.
We talked about our relationships. We talked about the label "poly" and what happens in a group setting and when alone. We talked about schedules, communication and our crazy lives. We talked about sex, some kink and D/s stuff. We talked about the rest of the time we could spend together. It was fun to chat, answer each others questions, learn about the other as I slowly stripped her, kissing, cuddling, touching and caressing her.
Mmmmmmmmmmm love my new partner, rope slut, playmate and girl all rolled up in one. I am her slut and she is mine.
Well in a short time, things got very complicated at work, at home and elsewhere. It happens. It is normal and comes with my life. The complexity hit early. For example, I got a surprise meeting invite a couple of hours before Raven needed to catch her flight to see her new lover. I suspected this would happen and was so happy Batty and Raven worked out the logistics of getting her to the Airport.
The next bump hit hard. I was working non-stop up to when I was suppose to take the next day off. Discussions started to happen about me working while on vacation. Ugh! As luck and politics would happen, things fizzled. Thank goodness.
At the same time, my friend's life had some twists and turns. When I woke up Friday, I took my time packing, doing some work, getting a haircut before hitting the road. I wouldn't see her for a while.
Face to Face
I had questions for her. I had been thinking about them for weeks. I was also doubting my grasp of reality. My heart was racing forward and I was trying to keep myself in check.I have a long list of relationship screw ups and disasters. There is a huge range. Some are the ones related to ending a relationship, the lies said to avoid the truth like avoiding calls or "been busy". Some are the ones related to going too fast, coming across as too much, smothering and a list of other mistakes. Some are mistakes from simply lying to myself about who I am and trying to be something I am not.
I needed to see her, face to face, watch her eyes, her lips, her smile, her body and be touching her as we talked. There was no way I was going to do this in email or over the telephone where so much information is lost between two people.
The Questions
She found me at the hotel pool. I gave her a kiss without soaking her with a wet hug. I toweled off, put a shirt on with my wet shorts and we went off to the hotel room. I had to laugh since I ended up leaving a puddle in the elevator.It was fantastic to see her. I stripped out my clothes and toweled off some more and then we cuddled and kissed. With me naked and her fully clothed, I said "I have some questions" and she replied "I do too". It made me smile.
I told her I was avoiding asking her one and she asked "Why?". Wow. Good question.
The mystery and hope that exists before asking a question is wonderful. It is part of my kink and intimacy to learn about someone non-verbally, learn about each other especially in a dominate/submissive context. Mmmmm the wonderful mystery, excitement and thrill.
Asking the question and getting the desired answer is wonderful. Getting the undesired answer or something else can pause things and require more pondering and new understanding. Either answer defines the relationship better but it is a shame to lose the mystery, the excitement and hope. The cool thing is that there is so much to learn and explore so it is time to ask away.
We talked about our relationships. We talked about the label "poly" and what happens in a group setting and when alone. We talked about schedules, communication and our crazy lives. We talked about sex, some kink and D/s stuff. We talked about the rest of the time we could spend together. It was fun to chat, answer each others questions, learn about the other as I slowly stripped her, kissing, cuddling, touching and caressing her.
Mmmmmmmmmmm love my new partner, rope slut, playmate and girl all rolled up in one. I am her slut and she is mine.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Looking for my "reset" button
I do this every now and then. I look for a "reset" button or I long for some part of my past. I also do the "over there" the world must be better thinking or "the grass is greener on the other side".
The most recent time was at Rope Camp when I was kicking back trying to understand what the hell I was feeling and what was making me wish for something else. I didn't come up with a good tangible list then and I still haven't.
The thing is that when my brain finally starts working, it is clear that I can't go back. I can't be someone else. The grass is the same color on on the other side. Those emotional thoughts that I am struggling with are misleading me in hopes of finding a place that is more desirable then the emotional state I am struggling with.
I didn't enter the kinky world to be poly. I wasn't looking for lovers, friends with benefits and so on. I play with many people and a couple of women happen to enter my life at different times and they are both poly.
The cool benefit of poly relationships is working on my ability to understand and my ability to communicate. What I want out of a relationship and what my partners want out of a relationship can be totally different and complex.
As of late, there has been significant work in this area. I have multiple play partners and play with new people. I am also a flirt. The surprise for me was meeting someone fantastic, wonderful and so adorable for me in Washington DC.
The ripples and communication of this new relationship have been for the most part wonderful. I can't see anything but rainbows and blue sky except when I look at myself.
I am constantly pushing myself out of my comfort zone in some aspect of my life whether it is doing impulse things like going with a brand new friend to the beach 9 hours away, going to NYC clubs with two people I met briefly and staying with them, changing my job to take on bigger challenges, jumping into the kink world or getting a weekend job as a white water raft guide. There are moments in all these situations where the context is new, scary but very containable and often results is immense pleasure.
At work I positioned myself into a new job effectively, a job that was significantly out of my comfort zone. I was pretty happy about it, who was involved and very excited. After a while, the organizational structure and priorities changed. It seemed I ended up in an awkward position of being one of the very few driving this particular agenda. I didn't mind.
The problem was that a warning bell was going off in my head. Something was wrong. I was struggling with understanding and working to communicate at the right time and in the right way against a background of politics and poor information flow. I was working hard to read between the lines, work the politics which I don't do well at and trying to figure out what was going on. I was frustrated and struggling to understand who was doing what.
I could see mistakes happening and blindness forging ahead. I am not the adept at manipulating others and often my frustration was flaring into anger or lingering negative angst feeling like a rat in a cage. What was this warning bell ringing in my head?
It seemed I was often in a dark mood, upset in some way and trying to be good for others by withdrawing. It taxed my poly relationships. I am amazed they put up with me. I feel bad about it and hope they understand.
At the start of July, I found out what the warning bell was and I also discovered a significant flaw in the communication given to me that I still can't fix. My boss was forced in a situation to appraise me and he doesn't give negative feedback constructive or otherwise. The appraisal was negative and painted up to look good. I knew what it meant given I worked as manager before. I have an additional political challenge to protect myself.
By the end of rope camp, I was wanting that wild good feeling I had a while back. Where was it? I was thinking about a need for a "reset" but not sure what it was.
When traveling home, my thinking was that until I figured out this question, I should pull back from events and general play. I should focus on flirting, socializing, enjoying my loves and doing rope for practice or as part of sexual play.
For a brief moment I wanted to go to FetFest but stopped that plan. I will socialize at munches, do dates and have fun for now.
I need to pick a restaurant (I can be so picky) for a date with a woman I have been chatting with on FetLife. I want to learn about her and just hang out.
On Friday I go down to Washington DC and see this wonderful woman that makes me smile and my heart go crazy. New relationship energy is so cool.
I will figure this out.
The most recent time was at Rope Camp when I was kicking back trying to understand what the hell I was feeling and what was making me wish for something else. I didn't come up with a good tangible list then and I still haven't.
The thing is that when my brain finally starts working, it is clear that I can't go back. I can't be someone else. The grass is the same color on on the other side. Those emotional thoughts that I am struggling with are misleading me in hopes of finding a place that is more desirable then the emotional state I am struggling with.
Being Poly
Poly relationships, where one has friends who are much more then "just" friends requires work. It is the same amount of work as monogamous relationships, the big difference is that delaying discussions for months or years can't happen. Wants, needs, insecurities, jealousies and other emotions have to be communicated and tensions resolved. Given others are involved, those tensions have to be resolved now not later or relationships disintegrate.I didn't enter the kinky world to be poly. I wasn't looking for lovers, friends with benefits and so on. I play with many people and a couple of women happen to enter my life at different times and they are both poly.
The cool benefit of poly relationships is working on my ability to understand and my ability to communicate. What I want out of a relationship and what my partners want out of a relationship can be totally different and complex.
As of late, there has been significant work in this area. I have multiple play partners and play with new people. I am also a flirt. The surprise for me was meeting someone fantastic, wonderful and so adorable for me in Washington DC.
The ripples and communication of this new relationship have been for the most part wonderful. I can't see anything but rainbows and blue sky except when I look at myself.
Comfort Zones, Frustration and Sullen Moods
Looking at myself has been storm clouds with lightning flashes.I am constantly pushing myself out of my comfort zone in some aspect of my life whether it is doing impulse things like going with a brand new friend to the beach 9 hours away, going to NYC clubs with two people I met briefly and staying with them, changing my job to take on bigger challenges, jumping into the kink world or getting a weekend job as a white water raft guide. There are moments in all these situations where the context is new, scary but very containable and often results is immense pleasure.
At work I positioned myself into a new job effectively, a job that was significantly out of my comfort zone. I was pretty happy about it, who was involved and very excited. After a while, the organizational structure and priorities changed. It seemed I ended up in an awkward position of being one of the very few driving this particular agenda. I didn't mind.
The problem was that a warning bell was going off in my head. Something was wrong. I was struggling with understanding and working to communicate at the right time and in the right way against a background of politics and poor information flow. I was working hard to read between the lines, work the politics which I don't do well at and trying to figure out what was going on. I was frustrated and struggling to understand who was doing what.
I could see mistakes happening and blindness forging ahead. I am not the adept at manipulating others and often my frustration was flaring into anger or lingering negative angst feeling like a rat in a cage. What was this warning bell ringing in my head?
It seemed I was often in a dark mood, upset in some way and trying to be good for others by withdrawing. It taxed my poly relationships. I am amazed they put up with me. I feel bad about it and hope they understand.
At the start of July, I found out what the warning bell was and I also discovered a significant flaw in the communication given to me that I still can't fix. My boss was forced in a situation to appraise me and he doesn't give negative feedback constructive or otherwise. The appraisal was negative and painted up to look good. I knew what it meant given I worked as manager before. I have an additional political challenge to protect myself.
Rope Play
Flirting and playing with rope has been weird for me with this stuff hanging over my head. I was doing things like over analyzing things, fixated on hip harnesses and pulling back on playing.By the end of rope camp, I was wanting that wild good feeling I had a while back. Where was it? I was thinking about a need for a "reset" but not sure what it was.
When traveling home, my thinking was that until I figured out this question, I should pull back from events and general play. I should focus on flirting, socializing, enjoying my loves and doing rope for practice or as part of sexual play.
For a brief moment I wanted to go to FetFest but stopped that plan. I will socialize at munches, do dates and have fun for now.
I need to pick a restaurant (I can be so picky) for a date with a woman I have been chatting with on FetLife. I want to learn about her and just hang out.
On Friday I go down to Washington DC and see this wonderful woman that makes me smile and my heart go crazy. New relationship energy is so cool.
I will figure this out.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Rope Camp 1.0
This was the first year for Rope Camp. I could see people enjoying the event. The place is great. I think by the end of the event, we were one of the four small groups that used tents whereas most people used the cabins.
I ended up using Rope Camp to kick back and relax and have a mini-vacation. I enjoyed talking to people, my friends, skinny dipping in the pool repeatedly, enjoyed watching the water bondage scene and much other fun. I didn't really play.
Most of rope camp for me was being immersed in the world of rope and rope people, the D/s dynamics and kicking back trying to understand what the heck was going on in my head.
In my own way, I am outdoor enthusiast. It had been a long time since I had done any camping and enjoyed it to the max.
I did learn that hemp rope and humidity don't play nice together. At one point, I tried to find all my red jute rope in the dark and really wish I had pulled that off. Hard learned lessons for me are lessons I don't forget easily.
If you love rope, this is the East Coast event for you like Shibaricon or the major Bound in Boston events.
I wish the scheduling of classes had been adjusted better. For example, there were a few rope bottom's classes and they were scheduled at the same time. No doubt that will be tweaked for next year.
On the other hand, I doubt you can get *everything* Rope Camp 1.0 had: outdoor bondage, pool bondage, tied to a table and eaten off bondage, etc. This event had the same flexibility that rope has. Oh my goodness!
I have to do this again!
I ended up using Rope Camp to kick back and relax and have a mini-vacation. I enjoyed talking to people, my friends, skinny dipping in the pool repeatedly, enjoyed watching the water bondage scene and much other fun. I didn't really play.
Most of rope camp for me was being immersed in the world of rope and rope people, the D/s dynamics and kicking back trying to understand what the heck was going on in my head.
In my own way, I am outdoor enthusiast. It had been a long time since I had done any camping and enjoyed it to the max.
I did learn that hemp rope and humidity don't play nice together. At one point, I tried to find all my red jute rope in the dark and really wish I had pulled that off. Hard learned lessons for me are lessons I don't forget easily.
If you love rope, this is the East Coast event for you like Shibaricon or the major Bound in Boston events.
I wish the scheduling of classes had been adjusted better. For example, there were a few rope bottom's classes and they were scheduled at the same time. No doubt that will be tweaked for next year.
On the other hand, I doubt you can get *everything* Rope Camp 1.0 had: outdoor bondage, pool bondage, tied to a table and eaten off bondage, etc. This event had the same flexibility that rope has. Oh my goodness!
I have to do this again!
Floating World 2011
I wasn't planning to go to Floating World this year and I was hoping to go to FetishCon to get a feel for a less kinky event that was geared toward models and photographers. My playmates vetoed that so the decision was made to go.
This was my first kink event after my marriage ended. My second kink related event if you include the instructional one that included my ex. I have been in the public kink scene across the United States for over two years now and have attended two Floating Worlds before.
Life has its way of giving twists and turns. As Floating World approached, I had to cancel one of my playmates attendance. The good news is that others, new friends, would be tagging along and sharing my hotel room with me and Raven.
All three of them I enjoyed and learned things. They are both excellent presenters and I learned from both of them. I was pretty bouncy at one moment and regret at one point letting myself engage too much in Dov's class. I knew the people and had played with some of them and was less reserved. I will keep myself in check better.
I could name drop right and left but I don't like to do that. I don't need my ego stroked that way.
There as some misunderstanding during some needle play. I was saying "shhhh" not because of the TV but because the hotel room was in my name, I would be at risk of problems with the hotel and things were getting loud. We discussed this later. One has to remember that who pays for the bill is responsible for *everything* including criminal and civil charges.
I actually did two inversions with the domme. Both times the photographer appeared out of nowhere and started taking pictures. She did look good in the ropes and how she played in them. It wasn't anything fancy with my ropes.
It is unfortunate that scene interruptions happen.
During one scene, a friend asked about band-aids for the domme who was in my ropes pet. Huh? Apparently some safety monitor had gone off the deep end.
Another time, a safety monitor pushed on getting a mat under my suspension. They clearly don't have a clue about the engineering aspects of that mat and how worthless it is and that it isn't a real risk. The mats aren't used in other suspension frames just a few. Oh well.
The simple answer is to mitigate the issue, move forward and get back into the scene space.
Walking outside, way beyond the play space and using your cell phone to check on things and communicate is something I do in many places. Last year I got harassed for doing this. It sucked. This year all was good!
Thank you Floating World.
I can't wait to see the pictures from the photographer and see my friends again.
This was my first kink event after my marriage ended. My second kink related event if you include the instructional one that included my ex. I have been in the public kink scene across the United States for over two years now and have attended two Floating Worlds before.
Life has its way of giving twists and turns. As Floating World approached, I had to cancel one of my playmates attendance. The good news is that others, new friends, would be tagging along and sharing my hotel room with me and Raven.
Classes
For the most part I skipped classes, I went to several classes, two by Dov (his superglue class and his Hojojutsu rope class) and one by Mollena (a bottom's perspective class).All three of them I enjoyed and learned things. They are both excellent presenters and I learned from both of them. I was pretty bouncy at one moment and regret at one point letting myself engage too much in Dov's class. I knew the people and had played with some of them and was less reserved. I will keep myself in check better.
The Hotel Room
This was amazing and so good. I enjoyed the hotel room energy, discussions and happenings as much as the event itself. At the start there was four of us, three women and me with a range of experiences and leanings. We picked up one women's pet and became five. The fun and the energy kept going. By the last night, we had six people in the room. All good, all positive souls and all fantastically good people.I could name drop right and left but I don't like to do that. I don't need my ego stroked that way.
There as some misunderstanding during some needle play. I was saying "shhhh" not because of the TV but because the hotel room was in my name, I would be at risk of problems with the hotel and things were getting loud. We discussed this later. One has to remember that who pays for the bill is responsible for *everything* including criminal and civil charges.
Play space play
I did some rope play. It was pretty tame and part of the negotiations. One was done because I had caused nerve damage in the past with woman and we both wanted a good fun healing suspension. Two were done with a domme that enjoys a certain type of suspension play and associated play and a fourth one done with Raven.I actually did two inversions with the domme. Both times the photographer appeared out of nowhere and started taking pictures. She did look good in the ropes and how she played in them. It wasn't anything fancy with my ropes.
It is unfortunate that scene interruptions happen.
During one scene, a friend asked about band-aids for the domme who was in my ropes pet. Huh? Apparently some safety monitor had gone off the deep end.
Another time, a safety monitor pushed on getting a mat under my suspension. They clearly don't have a clue about the engineering aspects of that mat and how worthless it is and that it isn't a real risk. The mats aren't used in other suspension frames just a few. Oh well.
The simple answer is to mitigate the issue, move forward and get back into the scene space.
Cell Phone Ban
For some reason, of all the events I attended, this event in the past was religious about banning cell phones. This year they removed the ban and treated us like adults. It was good since Floating World is a huge space and tracking down people is a challenge.Walking outside, way beyond the play space and using your cell phone to check on things and communicate is something I do in many places. Last year I got harassed for doing this. It sucked. This year all was good!
Thank you Floating World.
I can't wait to see the pictures from the photographer and see my friends again.
TesFest
Over July 4th weekend, Raven and I went to the TesFest event in northern New Jersey. It is part of the The Eulenspiegel Society (TES).
The entire hotel was taken over for this kink event. The concept is so amazing and cool. The pool area, the courtyard and most of the hallways were filled with kinky people for the most part dressed as they pleased.
I loved the ability to hang out in the bar and the courtyard, relaxing, chatting about kink and the rest of our lives and doing this with play and classes mixed in. It was fantastic.
For me the best part of the weekend was seeing old friends and learning new things about rope. It is getting harder and harder for me to learn new things about rope, the subtle nuances, at smaller regional events. I need to see more advance riggers do their thing. A class setting on more advance subjects really helps especially when it aligns with my current needs. At TesFest, two different classes did exactly that.
There were a few surprises. One was a unexpected fire evacuation order around midnight. It made me think about what I would do with an evacuation order and someone in ropes. Would I really need to cut them down quickly? Probably. It would be such a shame since I would probably be using rope I have many good memories about.
There was an NCSF auction. The purpose is to raise money for this hard working organization that helps with main stream media and has other benefits I didn't really want to bid on anything but NCSF is important. To help, I bid up and bid on the rope people who were auction off. It was fun, for a good purpose and got others in the mood to bid.
It was unfortunate that some compared their ending auction prices with the goofy good times auction prices we did for the rope people. It wasn't meant to place a value on anything. It was just for NCSF.
The riggers I bid on and won, I communicated that I ask them for answers to questions when the opportunity arises. I really didn't want to take an hour or their time or whatnot. It was just fun.
My girlfriend Raven surprised me when I was out of the room getting cash. I came back and her and friends were bidding up, pooling money and telling her that they would take the punishment given I set a bid limit when I left the room. It was fun crazy good energy. I loved it.
What Raven won was a single tail lesson. It gave me pause and I was a somewhat nervous since I know that it takes learning and practice and I am very focused on my rope.
We spent some time practicing technique. I still remember the lesson well and have to do more practicing. We transitioned to using the whip and slowly advancing like in fencing. It made me smile that I could use that knowledge. I have to work on that too.
Raven, being the wonderful willing woman that she is, volunteered for receiving the fun from the presenter and myself. It was a blast and she enjoyed it. Wow. My thanks to Raven and the personal lesson.
Bars tend to be a place for me to connect when I am on the road for work and have to be "on" for communication and politics of work which can be easily a 12+ hour day when dinner is puled in.
In some cases, we would take our drinks and/or our food outside to the patio. The weather was fantastic. I can't recommend this event enough.
I love kinky toys. I love beautiful women wearing beautiful things. Purple Passion was there which was my first store to buy kinky things from. They are out of New York City. I haven't been to their place in the last couple of years but they apparently have totally renovated it.
One of the surprises with the vendors was that I thought they were only in one hallway. When I ventured down that hallway the next day, there was a sign indicating that around the bend, there were other vendors. Raven and I checked them out too.
I suspect that many people were playing in private given the inclusiveness of the hotel for kink. People could also play in the pool and in the courtyard.
Given I tend to enjoy playing in high energy play spaces, this was a let down in a way. My thinking is that I need to some how get beyond that need and just play.
On to the next event....
The entire hotel was taken over for this kink event. The concept is so amazing and cool. The pool area, the courtyard and most of the hallways were filled with kinky people for the most part dressed as they pleased.
I loved the ability to hang out in the bar and the courtyard, relaxing, chatting about kink and the rest of our lives and doing this with play and classes mixed in. It was fantastic.
For me the best part of the weekend was seeing old friends and learning new things about rope. It is getting harder and harder for me to learn new things about rope, the subtle nuances, at smaller regional events. I need to see more advance riggers do their thing. A class setting on more advance subjects really helps especially when it aligns with my current needs. At TesFest, two different classes did exactly that.
There were a few surprises. One was a unexpected fire evacuation order around midnight. It made me think about what I would do with an evacuation order and someone in ropes. Would I really need to cut them down quickly? Probably. It would be such a shame since I would probably be using rope I have many good memories about.
There was an NCSF auction. The purpose is to raise money for this hard working organization that helps with main stream media and has other benefits I didn't really want to bid on anything but NCSF is important. To help, I bid up and bid on the rope people who were auction off. It was fun, for a good purpose and got others in the mood to bid.
It was unfortunate that some compared their ending auction prices with the goofy good times auction prices we did for the rope people. It wasn't meant to place a value on anything. It was just for NCSF.
The riggers I bid on and won, I communicated that I ask them for answers to questions when the opportunity arises. I really didn't want to take an hour or their time or whatnot. It was just fun.
My girlfriend Raven surprised me when I was out of the room getting cash. I came back and her and friends were bidding up, pooling money and telling her that they would take the punishment given I set a bid limit when I left the room. It was fun crazy good energy. I loved it.
What Raven won was a single tail lesson. It gave me pause and I was a somewhat nervous since I know that it takes learning and practice and I am very focused on my rope.
Single Tail Lesson
It was a great single tail lesson. I really appreciated it. I needed to ask certain questions that I in the couple of classes I took on the subject weren't answered. It was a great help from an excellent and well known presenter.We spent some time practicing technique. I still remember the lesson well and have to do more practicing. We transitioned to using the whip and slowly advancing like in fencing. It made me smile that I could use that knowledge. I have to work on that too.
Raven, being the wonderful willing woman that she is, volunteered for receiving the fun from the presenter and myself. It was a blast and she enjoyed it. Wow. My thanks to Raven and the personal lesson.
The Hotel Bar
The hotel bar area was a blast. The bartender rocked. She was great to talk with and at one point helped out with the Tea Party that was arranged. This isn't my kink. I just love to flirt, socialize and have the occasional drink.Bars tend to be a place for me to connect when I am on the road for work and have to be "on" for communication and politics of work which can be easily a 12+ hour day when dinner is puled in.
In some cases, we would take our drinks and/or our food outside to the patio. The weather was fantastic. I can't recommend this event enough.
Vendors
I yet again spent too much money on the vendors at the Event. I couldn't resist. Oh well.I love kinky toys. I love beautiful women wearing beautiful things. Purple Passion was there which was my first store to buy kinky things from. They are out of New York City. I haven't been to their place in the last couple of years but they apparently have totally renovated it.
One of the surprises with the vendors was that I thought they were only in one hallway. When I ventured down that hallway the next day, there was a sign indicating that around the bend, there were other vendors. Raven and I checked them out too.
Playing and Playspace
I don't know if it was me or not. The play space was ample and there were several fun special scenes that happened but I didn't see too many people playing.I suspect that many people were playing in private given the inclusiveness of the hotel for kink. People could also play in the pool and in the courtyard.
Given I tend to enjoy playing in high energy play spaces, this was a let down in a way. My thinking is that I need to some how get beyond that need and just play.
On to the next event....
Monday, June 13, 2011
Shibaricon The Second Time
I remember the last Shibaricon and how overwhelmed I was by it. I thought I was much better equipped mentally for the event. I had learned about the challenge of selecting classes and attending the popular ones. I knew the hotel. I was pretty comfortable this time playing in public around other more well known rope riggers. I was feeling pretty good about Shibaricon.
I forgot about the huge number of rope people attending, didn't know that almost half of them had never attended a Shibaricon and some of them were new to rope. I spend most of my time playing in scenes where either I am the only rigger or there is one or two other riggers around. When I do attend events that has multiple riggers, they are still the minority in attendance. Shibaricon has over 600 people with experienced riggers and experienced rope bottoms from around the world and I counted over 40 suspension points in just the main play room. It is mostly rope with some other types of play mixed in.
After the first Shibaricon, I learned I needed to rethink class selection and attendance. This time I learned that I needed to rethink arranging play dates, meeting people and scheduling play time. One can't just find people by walking around and the cell phone technology is useless since one can't have any tech around that may be able to take pictures or other recordings.
Instead of driving extra distance to pick up my second playmate, we headed out to Chicago taking our time. Got there around diner timer, discovered Chicago was 20 degrees colder because of a storm front. I hadn't packed for this weather.
We dropped off the luggage at the front door and I went and parked the car. We are pretty familiar with the hotel now. We got settled in our room and I think we ordered room service.
The next day we took our time, enjoyed ourselves by going to the Shedd Aquarium. I couldn't find where I parked the car since the notation I wrote down was worthless and I had entered the garage from a different point. In addition, Raven who had stayed back in the warmth found out the aquarium was closing. I went up and down the basement levels of the parking garage and finally found my car and manage to find Raven in the pickup traffic craziness in front of the building.
We went back to the hotel, ate something and went off to the meet and greet.
The thing was that there was two people I wanted to meet and the room was huge. I worked it, went through the full circle of the room, stayed still and so on. Even though people had name tags and the like, I still didn't connect up with those two people. There was just too many people and many were doing exactly the same thing I was doing. Oh well I tried.
When it was over, we kicked back at the bar. Chatted with more people and eventually trundled off to bed. Classes started late but we did want to be 30 or so minutes early.
I learn things about the world this way. I learn about the people. I make new friends and reconnect with old friends. I was constantly doing this at Shibaricon.
In a sense, flirting and socializing is one of my kinks. I love the smiles I see and the warm greetings. The hugs are good too.
Well my lovely girlfriend, Raven, turned to me and said "focus on learning one thing". I loved that advice and it settled me.
Even though the class was suppose to start at 11:30AM, we showed up as we had learned last year early. We were there 30 minutes early and in 5 to 10 minutes, the class was full. I would guess it was full 25 minutes before the class was suppose to start.
Zamil's two back to back classes were great. He was on an elevated platform so we could see him, his rope bottom., his tying and his ties. He did things too fast at time but repeated things and my classmates asked him to repeat certain parts. He dealt well with the challenge of having almost 3 different perspectives by moving his model around and redoing ties or having the people doing the ties come up close for a moment. I loved it and learned few things. I surpassed my goal of learning one thing.
Alas the second session, I didn't do any rope work but just watched. I was sick from some sort of delayed allergy and was struggling. Raven wasn't doing well either. I still learned some things.
I skipped the last class session. I was still feeling ill. Raven went off to Midori's "Speed Negotiation" class. She came bouncing back to the hotel room and explained what she learned. I picked up a few things but continued to hide in the hotel room for a while.
This time around I was pretty aware of how to wait for a suspension rig after last Shibaricon, playing in numerous play spaces and the like. What I wasn't prepared for was the number of new to scene people who didn't understand how things worked.
Twice I was standing and waiting for equipment to use, looking around and seeing no one waiting. When the scene ended, someone would come over and say they were waiting. One was doing in a scene in the corner and another one was way off. Next year, I will push back on this silliness since the new people disappeared early.
In total, I think I was bumped off on the first night 5 times. It didn't happen the next set of nights.
Eventually we played and we had some fun. I wanted to play with the energy high but it died down quickly. I called it a night thinking about classes in the morning.
Of course, I was pretty excited when I went to bed and didn't sleep well. It happens.
I adored Midori's "Pink Japan Continued" class. She is an amazing presenter, very entertaining and insightful. The slide show about Japan S&M world, societal status and other informational tidbits was wonderful. It made me smile many times. My thanks to her for doing this class.
We went off to diner at some point and came back to Graydancer's Cabaret. A friend tweeted they had a killer headache and needed Alieve. I thought I had some in my bag but didn't. We found some and got it to her and then watched the show. It was great and funny. There is so much fun talent.
I think the best for me was the part done by Leon Monkeyfetish and Cherries Jubalee. They did this hot scene and he cut the rope! I know how expensive and personal hemp rope is. I knew mentally he was probably using some rope on the way out but still it made me crazy in a good way to see him intentionally cut the rope.
I went off and found the woman we had agreed to a playdate with. She is wonderful, sexy and helpful rope bottom. We did some play but the hip harness wasn't working so I redid it and we played some more. The new version didn't fair much better but we were having fun.
At some point I realized that a playspace (DM) monitor was sitting in a chair next to my suspension. My first thought was that I was going to get interrupted like I have had happened in many play spaces. My second thought was he was just hanging out in a spot out of the way watching things. When the scene was done, he commented with a smile on his face "You two have played before?", I cracked a smile saying "Uh huh". All was good.
I went around looking for others to play with be my luck in running into them was horrible. After a while, I called it quits.
The first one was unpleasant to say the least. The presenter started off saying the subject was wide ranging. Yep, I can understand that. He attempted to engage the class but his style was muddled. It happens. He may be having an off day or the class dynamics may not be good.
At some point, I tried to provide an answer. In a sense, he pounced on me for more details and I struggled with how to answer but then cut me off. I kept quiet after that. Later on another who didn't consider english their primary language but was pretty good started trying to communicate. He effectively rushed the person and shut them down.
The class was a bust. I am grateful for Shibaricon organizers asking for class reviews. I filled out my form and will probably steer away from this presenter in the future.
I would have gone to another class but I was tired and needed to recharge.
We ended up going out to diner to a steak house and had a wonderful time. The food was expensive but the company was fantastic. We got back late, I changed and went down to the play space.
I hung out for a while. I wasn't in the mood to do my normal look for someone to tie up routine and I didn't find anyone I knew to tie up. I watched some rope work and called it quit for night.
It was good to see old friends and to make new ones. I didn't want to see them go but it happens. We hung around for a while and then went up to hide in the hotel room to be ready to leave early in the morning.
I forgot about the huge number of rope people attending, didn't know that almost half of them had never attended a Shibaricon and some of them were new to rope. I spend most of my time playing in scenes where either I am the only rigger or there is one or two other riggers around. When I do attend events that has multiple riggers, they are still the minority in attendance. Shibaricon has over 600 people with experienced riggers and experienced rope bottoms from around the world and I counted over 40 suspension points in just the main play room. It is mostly rope with some other types of play mixed in.
After the first Shibaricon, I learned I needed to rethink class selection and attendance. This time I learned that I needed to rethink arranging play dates, meeting people and scheduling play time. One can't just find people by walking around and the cell phone technology is useless since one can't have any tech around that may be able to take pictures or other recordings.
Off to Chicago
My two playmates and I had planned to go to Shibaricon. We would be traveling out a day early and I had picked up one of those car top carriers for the extra gear in my small car. Alas, events transpired that prevented one of my playmates attending. It was upsetting to me and put an emotional negative into the situation. If I could have done something for her, I would have stayed back. I was worried that things would turn for the worse. I crossed my fingers and hoped.Instead of driving extra distance to pick up my second playmate, we headed out to Chicago taking our time. Got there around diner timer, discovered Chicago was 20 degrees colder because of a storm front. I hadn't packed for this weather.
We dropped off the luggage at the front door and I went and parked the car. We are pretty familiar with the hotel now. We got settled in our room and I think we ordered room service.
The next day we took our time, enjoyed ourselves by going to the Shedd Aquarium. I couldn't find where I parked the car since the notation I wrote down was worthless and I had entered the garage from a different point. In addition, Raven who had stayed back in the warmth found out the aquarium was closing. I went up and down the basement levels of the parking garage and finally found my car and manage to find Raven in the pickup traffic craziness in front of the building.
We went back to the hotel, ate something and went off to the meet and greet.
Meet and Greet
The meet and greet was great. I bumped into many people. Made introductions between people I knew. It was a blast.The thing was that there was two people I wanted to meet and the room was huge. I worked it, went through the full circle of the room, stayed still and so on. Even though people had name tags and the like, I still didn't connect up with those two people. There was just too many people and many were doing exactly the same thing I was doing. Oh well I tried.
When it was over, we kicked back at the bar. Chatted with more people and eventually trundled off to bed. Classes started late but we did want to be 30 or so minutes early.
Social Butterfly Me
One of the things I don't comment on but spent a considerable amount of time was socializing with people. When I am not in one of my introvert moods, I enjoy meeting people, saying hello, asking how things are going and so on.I learn things about the world this way. I learn about the people. I make new friends and reconnect with old friends. I was constantly doing this at Shibaricon.
In a sense, flirting and socializing is one of my kinks. I love the smiles I see and the warm greetings. The hugs are good too.
First Day of Classes
I talked with Raven about the first day of classes. We had decided to attend Zamil's classes but I was over-thinking things. My learning style and thought processes don't lend themselves to learning well in class settings. I have always been envious of those that do but it isn't in the cards for me. Some trainers I have met call my style of learning kinetic. I have to be doing something like bouncy a leg up an down to internalize things or be day dreaming in some way.Well my lovely girlfriend, Raven, turned to me and said "focus on learning one thing". I loved that advice and it settled me.
Even though the class was suppose to start at 11:30AM, we showed up as we had learned last year early. We were there 30 minutes early and in 5 to 10 minutes, the class was full. I would guess it was full 25 minutes before the class was suppose to start.
Zamil's two back to back classes were great. He was on an elevated platform so we could see him, his rope bottom., his tying and his ties. He did things too fast at time but repeated things and my classmates asked him to repeat certain parts. He dealt well with the challenge of having almost 3 different perspectives by moving his model around and redoing ties or having the people doing the ties come up close for a moment. I loved it and learned few things. I surpassed my goal of learning one thing.
Alas the second session, I didn't do any rope work but just watched. I was sick from some sort of delayed allergy and was struggling. Raven wasn't doing well either. I still learned some things.
I skipped the last class session. I was still feeling ill. Raven went off to Midori's "Speed Negotiation" class. She came bouncing back to the hotel room and explained what she learned. I picked up a few things but continued to hide in the hotel room for a while.
First Play Night
We caught the end of the opening ceremonies after eating and went off and played.This time around I was pretty aware of how to wait for a suspension rig after last Shibaricon, playing in numerous play spaces and the like. What I wasn't prepared for was the number of new to scene people who didn't understand how things worked.
Twice I was standing and waiting for equipment to use, looking around and seeing no one waiting. When the scene ended, someone would come over and say they were waiting. One was doing in a scene in the corner and another one was way off. Next year, I will push back on this silliness since the new people disappeared early.
In total, I think I was bumped off on the first night 5 times. It didn't happen the next set of nights.
Eventually we played and we had some fun. I wanted to play with the energy high but it died down quickly. I called it a night thinking about classes in the morning.
Of course, I was pretty excited when I went to bed and didn't sleep well. It happens.
Second Day of Classes
I skipped several sessions on Saturday. I attended Hedwig's "Sensing Rope" which was cool research type class. There was some academic aspects I wasn't comfortable with but the format was good. The good part is about the personal connection she experienced with rope. It aligned with mine but I think it is a small part of the rope world or at least my little part of the world.I adored Midori's "Pink Japan Continued" class. She is an amazing presenter, very entertaining and insightful. The slide show about Japan S&M world, societal status and other informational tidbits was wonderful. It made me smile many times. My thanks to her for doing this class.
We went off to diner at some point and came back to Graydancer's Cabaret. A friend tweeted they had a killer headache and needed Alieve. I thought I had some in my bag but didn't. We found some and got it to her and then watched the show. It was great and funny. There is so much fun talent.
I think the best for me was the part done by Leon Monkeyfetish and Cherries Jubalee. They did this hot scene and he cut the rope! I know how expensive and personal hemp rope is. I knew mentally he was probably using some rope on the way out but still it made me crazy in a good way to see him intentionally cut the rope.
Saturday Play Night
Raven wasn't feeling good so I tucked her into the hotel room. We had been pretty smart about getting extra supplies including bath salts, wine, snacks and so on and had ordered room service one night giving us wine glasses.I went off and found the woman we had agreed to a playdate with. She is wonderful, sexy and helpful rope bottom. We did some play but the hip harness wasn't working so I redid it and we played some more. The new version didn't fair much better but we were having fun.
At some point I realized that a playspace (DM) monitor was sitting in a chair next to my suspension. My first thought was that I was going to get interrupted like I have had happened in many play spaces. My second thought was he was just hanging out in a spot out of the way watching things. When the scene was done, he commented with a smile on his face "You two have played before?", I cracked a smile saying "Uh huh". All was good.
I went around looking for others to play with be my luck in running into them was horrible. After a while, I called it quits.
Sunday Bad Class Start
I went to two classes on Sunday.The first one was unpleasant to say the least. The presenter started off saying the subject was wide ranging. Yep, I can understand that. He attempted to engage the class but his style was muddled. It happens. He may be having an off day or the class dynamics may not be good.
At some point, I tried to provide an answer. In a sense, he pounced on me for more details and I struggled with how to answer but then cut me off. I kept quiet after that. Later on another who didn't consider english their primary language but was pretty good started trying to communicate. He effectively rushed the person and shut them down.
The class was a bust. I am grateful for Shibaricon organizers asking for class reviews. I filled out my form and will probably steer away from this presenter in the future.
Sunday Remainder
The next class I attended was wonderful. I wish I had that class the previous year. I still learned things from it. Raven reminds me of that class when we play now. It makes me smile.I would have gone to another class but I was tired and needed to recharge.
We ended up going out to diner to a steak house and had a wonderful time. The food was expensive but the company was fantastic. We got back late, I changed and went down to the play space.
I hung out for a while. I wasn't in the mood to do my normal look for someone to tie up routine and I didn't find anyone I knew to tie up. I watched some rope work and called it quit for night.
Last Day
We skipped the classes that day. Went to the closing ceremonies which were wonderful, fun and broke closure to the intense and draining weekend. After that we hung out in the hotel bar, connected up with people and slowly said goodbyes. I never like the good bye part.It was good to see old friends and to make new ones. I didn't want to see them go but it happens. We hung around for a while and then went up to hide in the hotel room to be ready to leave early in the morning.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Kinko De Mayo
I wrote this blog shortly after Kinko happened and then shelved it to make sure I would keep things positive.
I and my playmates went off to Kinko De Mayo organized by the hardworking souls of OhioSmart last weekend. This was the second time I was going to this event and I was so looking forward to it.
We stayed in a different hotel, I was very pleased with the hotel, the closeness and the parking. After checking in, we went off to register for the event, skipped the meet and greet and went to diner. Raven picked an excellent place for us to eat but I was a total ditz trying to drive and park with a major event, I think a ball game, happening and messing with parking.
After an excellent diner, ignoring my "foot in mouth" misread comment during diner, we went back to the hotel, got dressed and went off to play. The place was packed. They had like last time expanded the club into the club next door. I love the energy and the space.
After a short while, I did a rope scene with my sexy girlfriend and play partner. It was ground work. I am trying to balance my rope work, her ability to eel out of my ropes and avoiding joint and nerve damage. It takes me a while and I keep trying to approach the problem differently but it was fun. I think I managed to keep her in the ropes as long as it took me to tie her up.
We had discussed earlier me tormenting her while she tried to escape and I did some of that. It still makes me wickedly smile at how frustrated she gets when I do. I at least slowed her down with my new vibrator toy which she can't complain about as much compared to the sadistic play I do.
I went out after the scene, got water, relaxed and then came in to see Douglas Kent in the middle of a hot rope scene. He is the author of the "Complete Shabari" book series. The scene had more energy and physical movement dynamics then I normally do. It seems he shares my belief that the scene begins at or before the first touch or rope and ends after the last piece of rope is removed. It was fantastic to watch. I so wish I hadn't missed the start of the scene.
Eventually we left to get some sleep for classes the next day. I wish that had happened for me. I didn't sleep well so I was very groggy in the morning.
I went to Graydancer's Full Contact Dom class. It was fun. I got asked to help do a over the shoulder carrying chest harness on Lochai. It was fun to watch Graydancer have part of DoNotGoGently suspended from his chest harness and the other part of DoNotGoGently suspend from Locahi's chest harness. I loved the perspective and it gave me wonderful wicked ideas. I asked some who attended the class what they thought of it, they loved it.
The last class that I went to was Douglas Kent's class on advance "Takate Kote" or arm box tie. I had asked beforehand that one of my other beautiful play partners let them practice on them in class. Even though she is pregnant, she agreed. It was a blast.
For me, one of my problems has been that the little nuances of weaving done on box ties that make them so pretty was constantly escaping me. There were some little twists and turns missing. I learned them from that class. I missed some steps in other places and asked how they were done. I learned that too! Yay!
We also did some ground work. I knew how to lock off a leg tie as part of a frog tie but in that class I did it differently like he was teaching and it was so hot looking and took the same amount of time. Maybe even less if I get enough muscle memory in. Cool!!!!
We went back to the hotel. I was still pretty groggy and unhappy with my lack of sleep. We ordered room service. I have been burned by room service messing up but this worked out well. I commented when we checked out how pleased I was with the room service and the fact that they understood about food allergies. For one of my playmates, who carries EpiPens, this is a life threatening issue.
We got dressed and went off to play. I had a feeling that I would mess up in some way. My energy was low and I had a feeling I shouldn't be there. I had agreed to play dates and believed in doing that. We hung out for a while before doing anything.
A bunch of things happened, I look back on it and see that my "out of touch" and introverted side contributed to tensions that happened. Some of the people interested in playing weren't there. The one playdate I had agreed to wasn't in attendance even the second night. Either bad luck, bad timing or things beyond my comprehension were happening. It was weird.
The weirdness and my energy level seem to add to the confusion. After some of that was resolved, I did a hot wonderful scene. The world disappeared during that scene. I felt good.
I knew earlier that my sexy rope bottom from class had won a 1-on-1 session with Douglas Kent. She is a sweetie and had invited me to it. Near the end of the scene, I became aware that they were waiting to start.
Instead of my normal relaxed transition, I tried to do quick aftercare, rope coiling and toy bag grabbing.
The 1-on-1 session was fantastic. Alas other events transpired and I had to leave, first things first in all parts of life. You have to have your priorities straight.
Overall, it was a excellent fun erotic time. I was happy both my primary playmates were with me. I was happy to see old friends and other playmates. I wish I could have played more. I look forward to next year.
For now, I am looking forward to Shibaricon which is less then 2 weeks away! Yippee!
I and my playmates went off to Kinko De Mayo organized by the hardworking souls of OhioSmart last weekend. This was the second time I was going to this event and I was so looking forward to it.
We stayed in a different hotel, I was very pleased with the hotel, the closeness and the parking. After checking in, we went off to register for the event, skipped the meet and greet and went to diner. Raven picked an excellent place for us to eat but I was a total ditz trying to drive and park with a major event, I think a ball game, happening and messing with parking.
After an excellent diner, ignoring my "foot in mouth" misread comment during diner, we went back to the hotel, got dressed and went off to play. The place was packed. They had like last time expanded the club into the club next door. I love the energy and the space.
After a short while, I did a rope scene with my sexy girlfriend and play partner. It was ground work. I am trying to balance my rope work, her ability to eel out of my ropes and avoiding joint and nerve damage. It takes me a while and I keep trying to approach the problem differently but it was fun. I think I managed to keep her in the ropes as long as it took me to tie her up.
We had discussed earlier me tormenting her while she tried to escape and I did some of that. It still makes me wickedly smile at how frustrated she gets when I do. I at least slowed her down with my new vibrator toy which she can't complain about as much compared to the sadistic play I do.
I went out after the scene, got water, relaxed and then came in to see Douglas Kent in the middle of a hot rope scene. He is the author of the "Complete Shabari" book series. The scene had more energy and physical movement dynamics then I normally do. It seems he shares my belief that the scene begins at or before the first touch or rope and ends after the last piece of rope is removed. It was fantastic to watch. I so wish I hadn't missed the start of the scene.
Eventually we left to get some sleep for classes the next day. I wish that had happened for me. I didn't sleep well so I was very groggy in the morning.
I went to Graydancer's Full Contact Dom class. It was fun. I got asked to help do a over the shoulder carrying chest harness on Lochai. It was fun to watch Graydancer have part of DoNotGoGently suspended from his chest harness and the other part of DoNotGoGently suspend from Locahi's chest harness. I loved the perspective and it gave me wonderful wicked ideas. I asked some who attended the class what they thought of it, they loved it.
The last class that I went to was Douglas Kent's class on advance "Takate Kote" or arm box tie. I had asked beforehand that one of my other beautiful play partners let them practice on them in class. Even though she is pregnant, she agreed. It was a blast.
For me, one of my problems has been that the little nuances of weaving done on box ties that make them so pretty was constantly escaping me. There were some little twists and turns missing. I learned them from that class. I missed some steps in other places and asked how they were done. I learned that too! Yay!
We also did some ground work. I knew how to lock off a leg tie as part of a frog tie but in that class I did it differently like he was teaching and it was so hot looking and took the same amount of time. Maybe even less if I get enough muscle memory in. Cool!!!!
We went back to the hotel. I was still pretty groggy and unhappy with my lack of sleep. We ordered room service. I have been burned by room service messing up but this worked out well. I commented when we checked out how pleased I was with the room service and the fact that they understood about food allergies. For one of my playmates, who carries EpiPens, this is a life threatening issue.
We got dressed and went off to play. I had a feeling that I would mess up in some way. My energy was low and I had a feeling I shouldn't be there. I had agreed to play dates and believed in doing that. We hung out for a while before doing anything.
A bunch of things happened, I look back on it and see that my "out of touch" and introverted side contributed to tensions that happened. Some of the people interested in playing weren't there. The one playdate I had agreed to wasn't in attendance even the second night. Either bad luck, bad timing or things beyond my comprehension were happening. It was weird.
The weirdness and my energy level seem to add to the confusion. After some of that was resolved, I did a hot wonderful scene. The world disappeared during that scene. I felt good.
I knew earlier that my sexy rope bottom from class had won a 1-on-1 session with Douglas Kent. She is a sweetie and had invited me to it. Near the end of the scene, I became aware that they were waiting to start.
Instead of my normal relaxed transition, I tried to do quick aftercare, rope coiling and toy bag grabbing.
The 1-on-1 session was fantastic. Alas other events transpired and I had to leave, first things first in all parts of life. You have to have your priorities straight.
Overall, it was a excellent fun erotic time. I was happy both my primary playmates were with me. I was happy to see old friends and other playmates. I wish I could have played more. I look forward to next year.
For now, I am looking forward to Shibaricon which is less then 2 weeks away! Yippee!
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