I have various "rules" for myself. Some have been learned the hard way and some are just part of my nature.
They are rules like "not waiting too long". Whether socializing, dating or dealing with work, I limit my waiting to hear from someone and move forward. Another rule is "first things first", family, work and other critical aspects in my life need to be addressed first in a timely manner. Yet another rule is to find balance and growth in myself. Often these rules collide and I have to make educated guesses about what I should or should not do.
What does this all have to do with kink events?
It takes time and money to go to a kink event. I can play in private and have enough play mates. It has to add value to me.
After that time and money is expended, have I gotten balance and growth out of it? And have I sacrificed time and money against what others would consider more important or I consider more important such as paying down a loan or buying clothing before a season starts for my kids?
2011 was a year of significant change. I had several financial set backs. My work enjoyment has significantly dropped. My lifestyle had to change because of family changes and some really amazing good things happened.
I could change jobs, reduce my pay, work harder and have significantly more enjoyment doing it. It is very tempting in a way most people don't understand. Instead, I will stick around for now and enjoy the other side of my life, my kinky side.
I have spent significant amount of time waiting for things to happen in my life. I don't wait much any more. If people want to tag along with me, great but I am doing things and I minimize the complications and responsibilities on myself. With regards to kink events, if I and no one else attends but me and I don't find value out of the event with my low expectations, I will not select it or go to it.
Hotel Kink Events
Many kink events that have bondage, flogging, rope suspension, single tail whips, take down play and many other types of play are in hotels. If things have worked out for the event, they have needle and cutting play (can be a hot button for health departments), fire play (can be a hot button for the fire department) and other types of play that health or safety people get concerned about especially when they don't understand it (or were not told about it). These are all done during the evening or night time "dungeon" or "play space" time.
During the day, they have classes, discussions and demonstrations on domination/submission, polyamorous discussions, protocol, master/slave relationships, BDSM play, etc. For a new person, these are good classes in general.
My problem is I need to learn more about myself and improve my rope skills so many classes at many events don't address that need. They are too basic or middle level.
If advance rope players don't attend the event and play, I can't watch and learn either. There are several good presenters who at the end of the grueling travel or presenting schedule, either don't play in public or do something that suits their needs of play that night.
Inbred Events
There are more then a few events where the event organizers and the people in attendance are one to several closely knit groups, the rest of the folks either want to be part of those "in" groups or are wonderfully independent kinksters. At this point, I steer clear of these events unless I know many people, expect to meet new people and advance my skills.
Some indications of this type of event are they are sold out, have exclusive first ticket purchases for people or word of mouth about the event is having drama. These are not solid telltales of this type of event, I have gone to events like this and had a fantastic and wonderful time but should be considered.
The downside of these types of events is that one can end up on the sidelines like in a high school dance, misled in some way or have some sort of manipulation happen. If you are new to the public scene (also known as "fresh meat") and don't have the experience set to detect and manage this situation, things can easily go the wrong.
My Upcoming Events
I am still working out finances, time available and event selection for the upcoming year. I have to do more to go away to an event given my family and lifestyle changes.
I wanted to go to the kink unconference LA GRUE to enjoy warmer weather in Los Angeles California, to support the GRUE and see friends I hadn't seen in a long time. The $400+ airplane ticket was a deal breaker but as luck would have it, I happen to have enough frequent flyer miles to avoid that cost. I get to go at the end of January.
I have heard repeatedly good things about New England Leather Alliance's (NELA) Fetish Flea. I still don't quite understand the event and expect it to be different then a standard hotel event in format. I will be attending that event in February.
Weekend after that is a local bar event in Pittsburgh at the Altar Bar, I plan to check it out since I have always wanted to check the bar out and they are having a fetish/kink theme night called Resurrection. I am not sure if I will play or not.
In March, I attend a conference called Momentum in Washington DC on feminism, sexuality, and relationships. It is a wonderful conference and gives me insight into the future and the present which I am clearly not happy about. I want to change when I can the little things I an do to make the world more forgiving or at least my part of it.
In May, I go to Shibaricon at the end of the month. This is my major rope event where I learn new things and how to do things better. It is also the only event that still intimidates me since instead of me being one of the few rope people, I am surrounded by rope people with many of them having mad skills in subtle ways better then I.
I love going to my only local to me BDSM club event called Kinko De Mayo. It happens in the month of May. I don't know if I can afford it this year or not. It is also a second event in a busy month. This will be a struggle to attend.
In the summer, I plan to go down to Floria and attend FetishCon. I don't consider this a kink event but an adult event with models, photographers and fans both professional and wanna-be. My kink world overlaps with professionals in the adult world and I want to understand this better and have fun socializing with my friends.
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