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Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Looking for my "reset" button

I do this every now and then. I look for a "reset" button or I long for some part of my past. I also do the "over there" the world must be better thinking or "the grass is greener on the other side".

The most recent time was at Rope Camp when I was kicking back trying to understand what the hell I was feeling and what was making me wish for something else. I didn't come up with a good tangible list then and I still haven't.

The thing is that when my brain finally starts working, it is clear that I can't go back. I can't be someone else. The grass is the same color on on the other side. Those emotional thoughts that I am struggling with are misleading me in hopes of finding a place that is more desirable then the emotional state I am struggling with.

Being Poly

Poly relationships, where one has friends who are much more then "just" friends requires work. It is the same amount of work as monogamous relationships, the big difference is that delaying discussions for months or years can't happen. Wants, needs, insecurities, jealousies and other emotions have to be communicated and tensions resolved. Given others are involved, those tensions have to be resolved now not later or relationships disintegrate.

I didn't enter the kinky world to be poly. I wasn't looking for lovers, friends with benefits and so on. I play with many people and a couple of women happen to enter my life at different times and they are both poly.

The cool benefit of poly relationships is working on my ability to understand and my ability to communicate. What I want out of a relationship and what my partners want out of a relationship can be totally different and complex.

As of late, there has been significant work in this area. I have multiple play partners and play with new people. I am also a flirt. The surprise for me was meeting someone fantastic, wonderful and so adorable for me in Washington DC.

The ripples and communication of this new relationship have been for the most part wonderful. I can't see anything but rainbows and blue sky except when I look at myself.

Comfort Zones, Frustration and Sullen Moods

Looking at myself has been storm clouds with lightning flashes.

I am constantly pushing myself out of my comfort zone in some aspect of my life whether it is doing impulse things like going with a brand new friend to the beach 9 hours away, going to NYC clubs with two people I met briefly and staying with them, changing my job to take on bigger challenges, jumping into the kink world or getting a weekend job as a white water raft guide. There are moments in all these situations where the context is new, scary but very containable and often results is immense pleasure.

At work I positioned myself into a new job effectively, a job that was significantly out of my comfort zone. I was pretty happy about it, who was involved and very excited. After a while, the organizational structure and priorities changed. It seemed I ended up in an awkward position of being one of the very few driving this particular agenda. I didn't mind.

The problem was that a warning bell was going off in my head. Something was wrong. I was struggling with understanding and working to communicate at the right time and in the right way against a background of politics and poor information flow. I was working hard to read between the lines, work the politics which I don't do well at and trying to figure out what was going on. I was frustrated and struggling to understand who was doing what.

I could see mistakes happening and blindness forging ahead. I am not the adept at manipulating others and often my frustration was flaring into anger or lingering negative angst feeling like a rat in a cage. What was this warning bell ringing in my head?

It seemed I was often in a dark mood, upset in some way and trying to be good for others by withdrawing. It taxed my poly relationships. I am amazed they put up with me. I feel bad about it and hope they understand.

At the start of July, I found out what the warning bell was and I also discovered a significant flaw in the communication given to me that I still can't fix. My boss was forced in a situation to appraise me and he doesn't give negative feedback constructive or otherwise. The appraisal was negative and painted up to look good. I knew what it meant given I worked as manager before. I have an additional political challenge to protect myself.

Rope Play

Flirting and playing with rope has been weird for me with this stuff hanging over my head. I was doing things like over analyzing things, fixated on hip harnesses and pulling back on playing.

By the end of rope camp, I was wanting  that wild good feeling I had a while back. Where was it? I was thinking about a need for a "reset" but not sure what it was.

When traveling home, my thinking was that until I figured out this question, I should pull back from events and general play. I should focus on flirting, socializing,  enjoying my loves and doing rope for practice or as part of sexual play.

For a brief moment I wanted to go to FetFest but stopped that plan. I will socialize at munches, do dates and have fun for now.

I need to pick a restaurant (I can be so picky) for a date with a woman I have been chatting with on FetLife. I want to learn about her and just hang out.

On Friday I go down to Washington DC and see this wonderful woman that makes me smile and my heart go crazy. New relationship energy is so cool.

 I will figure this out.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Rope Camp 1.0

This was the first year for Rope Camp. I could see people enjoying the event. The place is great. I think by the end of the event, we were one of the four small groups that used tents whereas most people used the cabins.

I ended up using Rope Camp to kick back and relax and have a mini-vacation. I enjoyed talking to people, my friends, skinny dipping in the pool repeatedly, enjoyed watching the water bondage scene and much other fun. I didn't really play.

Most of rope camp for me was being immersed in the world of rope and rope people, the D/s dynamics and kicking back trying to understand what the heck was going on in my head.

In my own way, I am outdoor enthusiast. It had been a long time since I had done any camping and enjoyed it to the max.

I did learn that hemp rope and humidity don't play nice together. At one point, I tried to find all my red jute rope in the dark and really wish I had pulled that off.  Hard learned lessons for me are lessons I don't forget easily.

If you love rope, this is the East Coast event for you like Shibaricon or the major Bound in Boston events.

I wish the scheduling of classes had been adjusted better. For example, there were a few rope bottom's classes and they were scheduled at the same time. No doubt that will be tweaked for next year.

On the other hand, I doubt you can get *everything* Rope Camp 1.0 had: outdoor bondage, pool bondage, tied to a table and eaten off bondage, etc. This event had the same flexibility that rope has. Oh my goodness!

I have to do this again!




Floating World 2011

I wasn't planning to go to Floating World this year and I was hoping to go to FetishCon to get a feel for a less kinky event that was geared toward models and photographers. My playmates vetoed that so the decision was made to go.

This was my first kink event after my marriage ended. My second kink related event if you include the instructional one that included my ex. I have been in the public kink scene across the United States for over two years now and have attended two Floating Worlds before.

Life has its way of giving twists and turns. As Floating World approached, I had to cancel one of my playmates attendance. The good news is that others, new friends, would be tagging along and sharing my hotel room with me and Raven.

Classes

For the most part I skipped classes, I went to several classes, two by Dov (his superglue class and his Hojojutsu rope class) and one by Mollena (a bottom's perspective class).

All three of them I enjoyed and learned things. They are both excellent presenters and I learned from both of them. I was pretty bouncy at one moment and regret at one point letting myself engage too much in Dov's class. I knew the people and had played with some of them and was less reserved. I will keep myself in check better.

The Hotel Room

This was amazing and so good. I enjoyed the hotel room energy, discussions and happenings as much as the event itself. At the start there was four of us, three women and me with a range of experiences and leanings. We picked up one women's pet and became five. The fun and the energy kept going. By the last night, we had six people in the room. All good, all positive souls and all fantastically good people.

I could name drop right and left but I don't like to do that. I don't need my ego stroked that way.

There as some misunderstanding during some needle play. I was saying "shhhh" not because of the TV but because the hotel room was in my name, I would be at risk of problems with the hotel and things were getting loud. We discussed this later. One has to remember that who pays for the bill is responsible for *everything* including criminal and civil charges.

Play space play

I did some rope play. It was pretty tame and part of the negotiations. One was done because I had caused nerve damage in the past with woman and we both wanted a good fun healing suspension. Two were done with a domme that enjoys a certain type of suspension play and associated play and a fourth one done with Raven.

I actually did two inversions with the domme. Both times the photographer appeared out of nowhere and started taking pictures. She did look good in the ropes and how she played in them. It wasn't anything fancy with my ropes.

It is unfortunate that scene interruptions happen.

During one scene, a friend asked about band-aids for the domme who was in my ropes pet. Huh? Apparently some safety monitor had gone off the deep end.

Another time, a safety monitor pushed on getting a mat under my suspension. They clearly don't have a clue about the engineering aspects of that mat and how worthless it is and that it isn't a real risk. The mats aren't used in other suspension frames just a few. Oh well.

The simple answer is to mitigate the issue, move forward and get back into the scene space.

Cell Phone Ban

For some reason, of all the events I attended, this event in the past was religious about banning cell phones. This year they removed the ban and treated us like adults. It was good since Floating World is a huge space and tracking down people is a challenge.

Walking outside, way beyond the play space and using your cell phone to check on things and communicate is something I do in many places. Last year I got harassed for doing this. It sucked. This year all was good!

Thank you Floating World.

I can't wait to see the pictures from the photographer and see my friends again.





TesFest

Over July 4th weekend, Raven and I went to the TesFest event in northern New Jersey. It is part of the The Eulenspiegel Society (TES).

The entire hotel was taken over for this kink event. The concept is so amazing and cool. The pool area, the courtyard and most of the hallways were filled with kinky people for the most part dressed as they pleased.

I loved the ability to hang out in the bar and the courtyard, relaxing, chatting about kink and the rest of our lives and doing this with play and classes mixed in. It was fantastic.

For me the best part of the weekend was seeing old friends and learning new things about rope. It is getting harder and harder for me to learn new things about rope, the subtle nuances, at smaller regional events. I need to see more advance riggers do their thing. A class setting on more advance subjects really helps especially when it aligns with my current needs. At TesFest, two different classes did exactly that.

There were a few surprises. One was a unexpected fire evacuation order around midnight. It made me think about what I would do with an evacuation order and someone in ropes. Would I really need to cut them down quickly? Probably. It would be such a shame since I would probably be using rope I have many good memories about.

There was an NCSF auction. The purpose is to raise money for this hard working organization that helps with main stream media and has other benefits I didn't really want to bid on anything but NCSF is important. To help, I bid up and bid on the rope people who were auction off. It was fun, for a good purpose and got others in the mood to bid.

It was unfortunate that some compared their ending auction prices with the goofy good times auction prices we did for the rope people. It wasn't meant to place a value on anything. It was just for NCSF.

The riggers I bid on and won, I communicated that I ask them for answers to questions when the opportunity arises. I really didn't want to take an hour or their time or whatnot. It was just fun.

My girlfriend Raven surprised me when I was out of the room getting cash. I came back and her and friends were bidding up, pooling money and telling her that they would take the punishment given I set a bid limit when I left the room. It was fun crazy good energy. I loved it.

What Raven won was a single tail lesson. It gave me pause and I was a somewhat nervous since I know that it takes learning and practice and I am very focused on my rope.

Single Tail Lesson

It was a great single tail lesson. I really appreciated it. I needed to ask certain questions that I in the couple of classes I took on the subject weren't answered. It was a great help from an excellent and well known presenter.

We spent some time practicing technique. I still remember the lesson well and have to do more practicing. We transitioned to using the whip and slowly advancing like in fencing. It made me smile that I could use that knowledge. I have to work on that too.

Raven, being the wonderful willing woman that she is, volunteered for receiving the fun from the presenter and myself. It was a blast and she enjoyed it. Wow. My thanks to Raven and the personal lesson.

The Hotel Bar

The hotel bar area was a blast. The bartender rocked. She was great to talk with and at one point helped out with the Tea Party that was arranged. This isn't my kink. I just love to flirt, socialize and have the occasional drink.

Bars tend to be a place for me to connect when I am on the road for work and have to be "on" for communication and politics of work which can be easily a 12+ hour day when dinner is puled in.

In some cases, we would take our drinks and/or our food outside to the patio. The weather was fantastic. I can't recommend this event enough.

Vendors

I yet again spent too much money on the vendors at the Event. I couldn't resist. Oh well.

I love kinky toys. I love beautiful women wearing beautiful things. Purple Passion was there which was my first store to buy kinky things from. They are out of New York City. I haven't been to their place in the last couple of years but they apparently have totally renovated it.

One of the surprises with the vendors was that I thought they were only in one hallway. When I ventured down that hallway the next day, there was a sign indicating that around the bend, there were other vendors. Raven and I checked them out too.

Playing and Playspace

I don't know if it was me or not. The play space was ample and there were several fun special scenes that happened but I didn't see too many people playing.

I suspect that many people were playing in private given the inclusiveness of the hotel for kink. People could also play in the pool and in the courtyard.

Given I tend to enjoy playing in high energy play spaces, this was a let down in a way. My thinking is that I need to some how get beyond that need and just play.

On to the next event....




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