Winter Wickedness 2011

I went off to Winter Wickedness done by AIS. There was some emotional baggage leftover from the last time related to the snow blizzard last time so I had decided that my playmates and I would go out a day early. The drive out was good but weird for the number of accidents we passed but nothing compared to the crazy one the last time. I felt good about this.

Before retiring for the night, two of us went to the bar. In a short time, the bartender had opened the discussion about the kink event and some men in the bar were asking questions. It was a good evening. My sexy playmate was enjoying the conversation too.

The next day we took our time, went to a wonderful steak house and enjoyed the day. We didn't do any sight seeing and I wish I had brought a swim suit to enjoy the pool. We registered and wandered around seeing the kinky souls and saying hello. I skipped doing the meet and greet functions. They never seem to be my style of connecting.

First Play Night

The theme that night was Mardi Gras. I had missed that detail and hadn't communicated it to my playmates. The theme worked well and there were very sexy custom attire being done. The cutest one for me was done by one of the women I put up in ropes. She had beads done everywhere and later she showed me how heavy just her bikini type top was.

The play party Friday night was a blast. They had one corner of the play room with some sort of steel scaffolding framing. I think I spent most of my time in that corner. It was right next to the floor mats for take down play. Between doing rope, watching rope and watching take down play, I was pretty content.

I think the big plus that night for me beyond having enjoyable rope scenes was meeting a new rope person. He was good. I lent him one of my climbing straps so he can avoid chewing up his ropes on the steel frame. I loved his style of ropes especially his blending of multiple colors.

Before going to sleep at something like 3AM, we looked over the class schedule and I was happy to find that I wasn't going to miss anything I really wanted to attend if I overslept. I can't remember what class I attended except for the last one. It is clear that I am pulling back from general BDSM classes at this point.

Rope Suspension Class

The last class had a description that was exacting about how many ropes to bring, their sizes and so on. Others commented on it to me, I wasn't sure what to make of that. I went to the class. After a short time, it was pretty clear to me that this class on Advance Suspension was well thought out, compressed and executed. Shibari Warrior did a wonderful job. He took an advance edge play class and solved some major time and safety issues.

He started the class by saying whoever wasn't involved should sit to the side and be quiet. This was great for me since I was just watching. He helped get some pairings done and then the first request was made. He asked for all the rope tying people to do a chest harness. He explained as I have seen in other classes before, it was to check a core rope skill. The core elements in a chest harness are part of what is needed for suspension.

One person was struggling in that area which was a good signal that the person should stay on the ground until he has that working much better. I watched my friend Nom who just broke his hand recently easily do a chest harness. I could see the frustration creep occasionally into his face from the lack of a fully working hand but I had to smile. He still tied even that way with style. I wish I had told him that.

The next part of the class is doing a Swiss seat hip harness. There are multiple ways to tie this and the first way I was taught this, I promptly forgot. It is a very solid tie and versions of it are used in rescue extraction situations for climbing and caving. Nom did a variation of it. Another rigger helped him figure out how to match the tie that Shibari Warrior did.

Shortly after that point Shibari Warrior singled me out to come over and be a spotter. This is the part that later makes perfect sense. We would do a two person fireman carry. I had my blonde moment where I did a over the shoulder fireman carry but finally clicked. We wouldn't be using the chest harness or weight transitions to get the suspension in but the two spotters would lift the rope bottom up to attach the Swiss seat hip harness to the load line. It was a blast.

When the task was done, we held the rope bottom again in the fireman carry as they were untied from the load line. I did this a second time and I thought I should get out of the way to allow others to engage. Class participation by many is a key thing with me. It has taken me a long time to get to that sort of thinking.

Since it was the last class of the day, it could run over and it did. I didn't stay around to the end. I did ponder about format and thought it was one of the best ways to do an advance rope concept such as suspension. The focus on two spotters for safety in the class and later when practicing is a good thing I believe and by skipping the two or three required transitions to get the rope bottom up in the air, the class time was compressed.

Last night

The last night was a blast. After the classes, people had been asking me if I would being going to AIS's COPE. I have gone to enough events that I am getting more selective it seems. I play enough that I don't really need to drive or fly some place, pay for a hotel room, fees and food for just playing. I need to learn so I can push boundaries and turn on my kinky mind in a deeper way.

I am not sure what my frame of mind was when the play party started. I was enjoying myself and taking in the scene I suppose.

I found myself at some point standing, trying to stay out of the way in a crowded floor space of scenes and enjoying what I was seeing. In one edge of the corner steel scaffolding a rigger was throwing ropes on one and then two bottoms. Seems he was working on a dual suspension and I was enjoying the multiple colored ropes he was doing for a barrel hip harness. At the same time, on the other edge another rigger was working on a frog tie for a partially suspended bottom. She was amazing to watch as she played. The energy coming from both scenes was great.

My kick was watching how the ropes were being done. I was learning. It made me wonder about not going to COPE. Maybe I should?

There really wasn't too many places to do suspension so I just enjoyed what I was seeing. I would wander around and then come back to watch. At some point I started doing suspensions again, one of them was with Batty Janice. It was a quick and harsh inverted suspension. She is a joy to tie. I could feel her lack of mobility in one of her arms so I was adapting to it. She was inverted with both arms out to the side and me enjoying tormenting her.

Some healing

One of the things that happened during Winter Wickedness is that I did a scene with a woman I hadn't played with in a long time. Relationships and other events had prevented us from playing again. It is understandable.

The thing that I didn't know I needed was removing the echo of our last scene together. I had gotten into a mental space that was messed up the last time we played and I had ended the scene quickly. My mind was in the wrong place and I shouldn't have been working it through with a play partner. I grew from that but I still felt bad about it. By having a wonderful scene and reconnecting with this play partner, I felt some healing from it.

On Sunday, we packed up, hit Starbucks and headed home. The roads were great and the weekend a wonderful lingering experience.

New to the scene... Some advice

Winter Wickedness was a blast. I need to write about it. It was my second one and my third AIS event. I think it is safe to say I am no longer "new" to the public scene given this, going to multiple play spaces, going to many kinky events and having tied up more then a few men and women at this point.

BattyJanice flying in my ropes in a BDSM place space in Cleveland

One of the things I have not written about is being "new" to the scene. This really isn't my first alternate lifestyle so I have that as a perspective. I am also a talkative listening flirt and have meet many people. Combine those two with my talent of watching groups of people interact, I think I can comment on some solid generalities about entering the scene.

The first one is that the BDSM and other sexual scenes are gendered. I am not talking about sexual preference but the overall behavior of men and women in the United States.

For example, swinger clubs I know about allow women in to the club without issue and at discount. Men on the other hand are usually required to come partnered with a single woman and pay a higher price. There is motivation and protection behind this.

Women in the Scene

So... you are a woman, I can't say too much other then the younger you are, the more males will appear in person at scene or will be cluttering your online mailboxes. From complaints and observations, this means more "creepy males" or men who are clueless, short on communication skills and focused on their needs.

I don't have any solid advice at this point. In the BDSM world, it seems there is often an assumption by men that women are submissive.

Both aspects suck and I feel bad about it. 

Men in the Scene

For the men, here is some recommendations for success.

Grooming, styling and looks. It doesn't matter if you are bald or whatever. Learn about grooming, learn about styling, pay money for a consultant if needed. Expend the effort to learn about how you look to others. There are two motivations, the first one is that it makes connecting with other people easier. The more important one is to increase the self-awareness of how one presents to others especially the ones you want to be with.

Along those lines, clothing is important. It is good to go ask about what people wear at meet-and-greets munches which are done in street clothes or dress up nicely in dark or black colors and go to a public event and see what people are wearing. Self awareness is important here to, there are a variety of styles and knowing what is part of your personality and will be comfortable or enjoy wearing is important.

My first few visits to play spaces and public events were a progression of clothing style. I wasn't trying to play or do anything just observed and I spent significant time looking at the clothing worn and the clothing sold by the vendors. I saw two different people at events wearing boots and moccasins that jumped out at me. I worked to be polite and careful about interrupting to ask them where they got the footwear from. Later, I purchased the boots I saw and love them and what they make me feel.

Most people telegraph through their words and actions some of their immediate goals. It is important to enter the scene with your mind communicating and connecting not your heart or hormones driving things. Pull back strongly on the desire to find a love or sex partner or any other goal beyond simply meeting people and learning about this alternate lifestyle. Focus on observing and learning, don't focus on sex or communicating about yourself. Work on learning, listening and ask questions that foster communication and connection.

If this doesn't make sense, try this: "Don't touch anyone or any toys without permission!". Yep, seeing sexy erotic women and hot scenes can really get your heart pumping. It doesn't matter if you are a dominant male or just think the woman who is talking to you is the most beautiful person in the world, resist the urge to touch without permission.

With the focus on observing and learning, it is important to keep a positive mind set. There will be things that are not understandable, very unappealing, upsetting or cause other negative emotions. If it happens in a class and continues, it isn't wrong or bad to quietly exit the room. If it happens in the play space, walk to some other place. Keep the feelings positive, understand that everyone has different kinks and respect their expression of them.

The last thing is that it is easy to be labeled "creepy" if you are a man. Work very hard to avoid it. If you are offering help, don't offer it with a hidden agenda. Keep it simple and honest like you would do at a professional work place.