When life goes crazy in a bad way

My playmate Raven asked me if I was going to the Detroit GRUE, I had planned too but something in my gut told me that it was a bad move. Work after returning from the Boston GRUE was stressful and was touching on emotions and other things were not happening well. I canceled my plans without a clear reason.

Dark clouds

One of my professional aspects of my work is to know when to step back from a situation or provide assistance without providing leadership. At work, I was doing more and more of this with discomfort but it was a necessary fact of my life and was struggling to find peace with this thinking.

At the same time, life's twists and turns seem to be in a downward spiral for both of my playmates. I am not an "uber dom", many answers are unknown to me and I myself need help. It sucked to feel confused, frustrated, helpless and a range of emotions from crying to anger as I watched people I care about struggle.

Raven was struggling with some pain. I didn't think about it initially and offered her Advil as a help. After a few days, I agreed with her that she should see a doctor and so began the life challenge of dealing with the medical world. When tests came back, she was in horrible pain, all the tests were normal except for one thing, an enlarge spleen.

This was in parallel to the discovery she had skipped signing up for medical insurance so she could pay rent. Ugh.

Medical world & D/s

In the medical world, there are systems and medical hierarchy which are flawed. It is important for a patient to communicate what they know and it is important for doctors to listen. When things are undiagnosed, this mutual exchange is important.

Alas, expressing pain levels is problematic, doctors are loathed to overdo pain meds and it seems in this case, standard practices were exploited. The placebo used often is "if things get worse, go to the ER". I asked when she was told this "go to the ER" advice, what would that do? The answer was probably nothing and Raven didn't need the additional medical expenses.

There were several times, Raven asked me what to do. I didn't know the answers and told her so. All I could tell her is that she needed to express herself, ask questions, push for information and understand that the medical business was flawed.

I was her friend not her top or her dom in this situation. I was there to help as best I could and we would work together. I had no real influence except as her friend.

She had experience in the past her friends disappearing when things like this happened. I reassured her I was not going anywhere.

We got very careful with tests, Raven struggled to set up payment plans and make deals. I did the best I could to help and was grateful that a $3,000 CT scan turned into a much smaller number which I could put on a credit card. Oh this was an ordeal.

We got some advice from my other playmate, Batty and from some twitter friends. I appreciated it. I did my best to research things on the web.

In the midst of this, my other playmate's world was going to the dogs and her phone and internet service were failing. Losing contact with someone an hour away with this medical nightmare going on made things even more difficult and depressing.

After talking to her work it became clear that Raven could no longer work and she had long ago used up her sick days. Things were spinning down deeper and deeper.

Disaster with a Silver Lining

Even though Raven communicated to her doctor after another set of tests and appointment that she couldn't eat or drink, her pain meds hadn't been adjusted. She was losing weight fast, in constant horrible pain and was vomiting anything she ate including her pain pills.

We made the decision to go to the ER. This was all happening while I was trying to deal with work. Off we went on Friday and the ER room sucked. It broke my heart to leave her at the ER room after waiting for an hour but I had to. It is sad to say that things improved for her when she passed out in the ER room.

I came back and held her. I wish I could have said that this was a new experience for me but it wasn't. I have been in other ERs with other people I care deeply for.

She dry heaved a few times, her tongue was blotchy and yellow. I mentally went to that place I had gone many times before. I did my best to keep her clean, help her and soothe her.

They finally took her into one of the ER medical rooms, struggled to get an IV line into her dehydrated arm and draw the required blood they needed to get the line set up. After the saline solution drip into her quickly, they gave her some pain meds.

The clouds started to part their ugly blackness when her smile started to return, she could talk more easily and the ER doctor returned to talk with her. We had already done most of the tests so the ER didn't have to redo them. They were going to double her pain meds to solve the pain. After the ER doctor left, Raven explained that the admittance staff had discovered she had an existing insurance plan.

This was confirmed later.

She still can't work but at least she can eat and has less worries.

What's next?

It has been a week since the ER room, we got up early Saturday morning for another test and will ask about results on Monday. I have managed to catch up with work and have hope about other paper work.

The drama my ex introduced in the middle of this insanity with a accusations of doing "bad parenting" has had a smack of reality brought into the picture. Slowly my own mental well being is coming back to center.

I want to connect up with my other playmate and talk. Life is looking better but is still stormy. My fingers are crossed.