Internet, Gossip and the Outing of Alexa

I wanted to finish my New York City Sex Blogger Calendar Release party blog entry but I didn't start this blog for a schedule, a history or other purposes. I created this blog to create clarity in my head and to possibly let others learn about the wider real world.

Over the last week or so, there has been a flurry of communication and blogs about outing a man who pretended  for a long time to be a $1000 an hour escort, in a graduate program for sexual studies and who could tweet while having sex. One of the key issues with this outing is the predatory aspects of how this blog was used.

I have been trying to ignore things until Ten did her first blog entry. It hit an emotional echo. I keep rewriting my comment on her blog until I just finally deleted it and kept it very simple complementing her writing.

I am writing this to get some clarity and thinking for myself and to get help get some confused and angry thoughts out of myself.

Internet

The internet as a whole is wild, fragmented, helpful and dangerous. It can reach into your life in direct ways such as viruses and it can reach into your life by exposing things including private things. It can also enable your personal efforts to be seen by millions for the possible impact of improving the world. A poor analogy of the internet is it is like "living in a city with no windows and everything is on video tape forever".

Like any communication tool, the side effects of this world wide exposure can be diverse such as a trauma story resulting in thousands of dollars in donations to the ailing person or the opposite extreme of causing someone to lose their job, their family and and possibly their life. Because of this and some other reasons, law makers, organizations and individuals in countries around the world are struggling with how to control, how to expose more, how to hide more and so on. Here are some examples:

• Google wandering around your neighbor collecting email messages and more
• India wanting to intercept monitor Blackberry communication
• Headline grabbing US Senator trying to control core services by law

The list is fairly endless and the dynamics have been around for years and years.

Drama, Sex and Gossip

For years and years, long before the "internet" existed, normal people would get behind a keyboard and turn into something else. They could say things that they didn't believe in just for the shock or attention value. They could say things with passion that they would never say with someone in the same room with them. The disconnected nature of the communication caused whole new mental thinking.

I didn't understand the version of it called 'flaming' was only the less evil version of it. It is where someone is just passionate about something and true to themselves. The gossip version of this is more insidious and deadly.

I knew gossip and its impact. I worked at a private resort complex when I was a teenager. It had all the issues such as me being 'fresh meat' for the clients. Even back then I was a flirt and often went together with my other teenage female co-workers to places on our day off. What I didn't know was the other teenage male co-worker was jealous of this and the gossip being feed to him by other locals would come to a head. In this case, it was a nasty fight between him and me with the gossip lies spilling out of his mouth.

A few years later, after my life came crashing down on me in waves, I got into a better mental state and was working at a university as cheap labor. I had collected some new obsessive behaviors like always being in control of where I was going to sleep and I was struggling to understand my feelings toward men.

I was spending time with female co-workers and students and discovered the electronic gossip was much quicker, more emotional and nastier. It was a rude shock to have my personal life presented in this light to many. Worse yet was one of the graduate students I was spending time, left near the end of the year, the gossip and sexual attacks were too much.It hurt.

My efforts were to take myself off this radar screen. I would keep track of who the gossipy people were and stay away from them and their friends. I would avoid taking my female friends to common hang outs and so on.

Then another drama happen and I got slammed again.This time 100 times worse. By this time I had taken my sexual activities mostly off the communities radar screen. I had gotten into a more public and controlling world and was a bigger professional target. In this case, the "who was sleeping with who" didn't relate to me but others higher up the food chain. It eventually got resolved at significant cost to many and I was on the winning side if you could call it winning.

At this point in my life, I couldn't understand why people enjoyed daytime dramas. My life no matter what I did had drama.

Unmasking of Alexa

I have meet my fair share of predators and I have spent enough time with police and criminal attorneys to know I am in no rush to know some things. There are all sorts of predators including rapists, child rapists, etc.

The one thing I was forced to watch was a very smooth operator spend months chasing a good friend. I and other people told her he was just going to screw her and leave her. After spending months with him, she finally consented and the relationship evaporated after her fucked her.

It messes with my head that I am like him but have different goals. What makes me "okay"?

When I read about the unmasking of Alexa and other blogs like Ten's, I don't see a simple issue.

I see things like this guy will probably lose his job. He probably will not be stopped and will reappear. He messed up many people by his actions. The gossip and angst around this will be divisive and will bring people together at the same time.

I pray that the conclusion is correct and that the person who has been outed in this fashion is the right person.

Silver Lining

The good news is that Ten posted a follow up email from this the person being outed in her new blog before I finished this blog entry. One of the things I have to do professionally is read between the lines with emails.

His message mentions very casually  after leading with details about a web hosting service about losing his job "I’ve already been fired from my job, and so now I have to find a way to get myself home." It contradicts with "... been on the road this weekend..." , catching up with things, sending email to Alexa, etc. He is playing the sympathy card and validating his name and activities.

It is very hard to get fired from a non-appointed government job. My concern that the wrong person was outed has evaporated.

I don't view the negative energy in the internet as a good thing. Maybe in this one case, it is good?

Off to Folsom Fringe, Folsom Street Fair & SF Citadel

Raven and I went off to Sunnyvale California, part of the Silcon Valley region or San Francisco Bay Area for Folsom Fringe, Folsom Street Fair and other possible trouble.

We adjusted to the timezone travel and when Folsom Fringe registration open, we got out identifications and registered. There seemed to be discussions from multiple people about volunteering and hours while we waited our turn. I had some anxiety since I forgot a piece of paper I was suppose to bring but registration was a breeze.

They had little tags one could add under the badge holder. Raven added several. I picked one that said something like "Starts Trouble" or something. It made me smile.

I think that was the night we went out to a steak place. We went to diner with the good people from MauiKink, Graydancer and MinxGrrl. We had a good time and left the restaurant when it was close to empty. It was pretty full when we entered and I didn't even sense that we were lingering that long. By my standards, that is great conversation (and good drinks he he).

Folsom Fringe

The hotel and the way the event organizers used it lent itself to people bumping into each other. The second floor landing was used for vending and could be seen well for the three floors. The main floor had sitting areas, the hotel desk, NCSF and other booths and auctions. It was enjoyable just to hang out there between classes and have wonderful conversations.

I enjoyed the classes with the best for me being a class by Allena Gabosch from the Center for Sex Positive Culture on "Solo Poly". It filled in some information I needed in my continued journey to understand myself and made me think about some things from a different perspective.

The one challenge with Folsom Fringe was decoding and using the schedule. It was complicated and in pieces. I was constantly flipping through it trying to figure out what was happening between classes, non-class events and other things like the bus schedule to Folsom. On top of that class changes had occurred and it was confusing about where to find the current schedule. You had to wander around and check multiple places.

Folsom Fringe had a play party. I opted out of taking the extended hummer limo to it and driving. It wasn't my night for communicate well with Raven and I had failed to explain that was for us to get to and from the play party. We drove over, took our toy bags in and got a feel for the crowd and the play area.

After a short while, we went in and found a hard point for some rope play. I tried another side suspension harness and the chest part didn't work as well as I wanted it too. Somewhere in the middle of this, a DM asked me where my scissors were. "Umm, rescue hook on my belt and two pair in my toy bag". Raven said sweet things to make me feel better and then redid the chest harness to her liking and did a self suspension.

After that and putting away the rope stuff including my ring, we talked for a while. I don't know whether it was jet lag, fatigue, overwhelmed with information or whatnot but we both were starting to downward. Raven was cold and luckily the car had her coat. I got her coat then the toy bags and then we went back to the hotel. It was a good call.

The next day there were more classes. I found out Graydancer was teaching a class during a time when I wasn't planning taking any classes. I went and was happy I did since I learn a little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing for take down play. I needed to spend more time being educated before doing any more of that type of play.

SF Citadel

I think there was going to be a second play party for Folsom Fringe but it was canceled or something. We grabbed our stuff and drove the hour or so in light traffic to San Fran to the SF Citadel. I had been there before and wanted to join.

We showed up and the place was busy with people who had showed up for Folsom Street Fair. The normal membership joining process wasn't allowed that night. The place was packed.

I said hello to some people. Given there were two riggers who seemed very good using the available hard points and the place was overflowing with people, we didn't stay long. We wanted to get a feel for the place and will no doubt be back.

On the way out, we bumped into CunningMinx who produces Poly Weekly podcast. It was good to see her again.

We went home, talked on the way back, dealt with me foolishly making a left turn and getting a "no turn" ticket and eventually got home to the hotel room to curl up and cuddle. We needed our rest for tomorrow.

Folsom Street Fair

We had been asking questions about how to approach Folsom Street Fair as newbies. We got solid advice which we took to heart. The initial plan was to take the early bus, enjoy the fair and then take the early bus back. The subsequent plan was even better, go early, when the heat and the crowds form, take a break for an hour or two and then return.

We got up early and decided against the bus but to drive up ourselves. We could get water, snacks and had more room for gear and clothing. We stopped a couple of places for sun screen, morning snack, water and so on as we traveled north to San Francisco.

The traffic coming into San Francisco near Folsom Street was a mess since Folsom is a major road. With Raven's sharp eyes, we went around in circles toward the left and parked. We walked through the traffic being handled by police and then through the gates for Folsom where we paid a donation and got drink/entrance bands. We were still two blocks away from Folsom but one could see camera carrying folks, booths, important little things like ATM machines and a growing crowd of expressive folks like ourselves. Raven and I swapped taking pictures.

It was unusual to be in a place where half the people were taking pictures when the normal playspaces don't allow cameras, cellphones, etc. Raven got stopped a few times for her picture to be taken -- she was definitely looking hot.

I don't remember which booth we ended up beside. Raven got in and took a few pictures of a female top playing with a male bottom. The crowds were pretty thick around this booth. I had no doubt that later the crowd would much larger.  We kept walking, meeting people and taking pictures.

I tweeted some of these pictures. Except for the sun beating down on us, we were having a good time. We stopped at Wicked Grounds, bumped into folks like Graydancer, MinxGrrl and Simon (I hope I didn't mess up his name).

The crowds and the sunshine beating down were starting to get to us. Raven took off her high heel boots and we looked for some place to stay in the shade.

This is where our plan went down hill. We didn't know of a place on Sunday close by where we could recharge and come back from. We went and got into the car, turn on the A/C and started driving. Raven feel asleep and my idea of going to the Fisherman Wharf backfired with heavy traffic and large volumes of people. After a while, we gave up and headed back south to Silcon Valley.

Another Play Party?

I had signed up for the 2nd day of the Edge's play party but I didn't hadn't kept track of when it was. When we got ourselves feed and back to the hotel room, I discovered it was finishing up in a couple of hours. I wanted to see friends and meet new people but Raven and I were both at the end of our energy. We didn't go anywhere and hung out together cuddling and talking.

The next day we took our time checking out of the hotel. We were taking a red eye flight back. This was a day of me making mistakes and Raven tolerating my errors.

We headed out to a Redwood Forest taking a road indicated by the GPS that was very twisty and narrow. It wasn't a fun ride for Raven and I was behaving not doing my technical driving. We had fun there. It was the first time to see a Redwood Forest and it was wonderful.

We headed back to the airport. I had this dumb idea that we could check in our car, get past security and eat. On the way, we stopped off at an Apple store and bought and iPad for the flight home. I had given up on using my laptop in the economy seats. She wanted to eat in Los Gatos, I should have listened.

We dropped off the car and headed into the airport. Airport baggage checkin for Delta didn't seem open and the restaurants were behind security. The only thing open on this side of security was Starbucks. We found a place to hang out, power up our laptops and for me to initialize the iPad. After a couple of hours, we checked our bags in and went looking for a place to eat.

It was a struggle and a learning experience. This was my second attempt at a red eye and I will never do it again nor fly back through Atlanta between California and Pittsburgh. At least I had wonderful tired memories of the weekend to hang onto.

In less then 48 hours after getting home, I would be heading off to the NYC Sex Blogger's Calender Release party.