One of my firsts was ending my marriage. The short version of this classic tragedy is my marriage after many years had diverged. My wife's path to happiness was making me more and more unhappy.
There came a point where life was just there. Life was paying bills, work, running to the hospital, helping friends, fixing fences, birthing animals, freezing my butt off in the middle of nowhere, repairing cars, doing paper work and so on. Mind numbing in its constant and relentless in its need to be addressed. Nothing much really changed if you stepped back from it. I worked at work. I worked at my wife's farm.
My kids are fantastic. They are growing up so well. I am blessed. As they slowly turn into wonderful adults, my parenting job disappears. My focus turns elsewhere and inward. I didn't like what I was seeing.
I communicated my frustration. I ran faster and faster so it would work. The numbness grew over the last several years.
I had starting exploring online and was surprised at the healthy online BDSM community. As I explored, my feelings of being isolated disappeared. I needed this world.
Eventually another first occurred when my partner and I attempted to find a new balance. We went to Midori's wonderful Rope Dojo I in New York City. Fantastic time. Very cool and educational instructors. My smile grew but my partner's smile faded.
She tried. I really appreciated it. She said to play with others. As I started to explore, she continued her explorations. I love her spunk and love for life and supported it. She also had some luck connecting with people online.
The sad part was the New York City weekend at the Rope Dojo was just us being hotel mates. She didn't even cuddle and watch a movie with me. She spent most of her time online.
Shortly after that time, she ended the marriage and I cut loose. My comfort zone is fairly large and the flirting that made my partner jealous wasn't an issue any more. With a huge smile, I jumped head long into my new world.
My partner heard that FetishCon would be a good event to attend.
When I visited the local dungeon in Pittsburgh and joined, I tripped over an ad for Floating World. When I looked it up, it seem much better then some fetish model convention. This would be my first event.
Meanwhile I downloaded all of Graydancer's Ropecasts and started listening to them working backwards. Fiendishly writing down notes as I drove to work each morning. My online education was slowly being filled by a real world education.
In a short five month period, I had done many firsts:
- Joined FetLife
- Went to Floating World.
- Attended several area group munches (meet and greets)
- Attended several dungeon play times.
- Attended one play party.
- Attended COPE or Central Ohio Perversion Excursion
- Attended the first East Coast GRUE or Graydancer's Ropetastic Unconference Extravaganza
My expectations were very simple to start. Meet people, learn, explore and smile. It is amazing and I love this world very much. The people are fantastic and normal to me. I have no doubts that others disagree but I don't care.
Oh yea, one more first. This blog entry!!!!
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