I have various "rules" for myself. Some have been learned the hard way and some are just part of my nature.
They are rules like "not waiting too long". Whether socializing, dating or dealing with work, I limit my waiting to hear from someone and move forward. Another rule is "first things first", family, work and other critical aspects in my life need to be addressed first in a timely manner. Yet another rule is to find balance and growth in myself. Often these rules collide and I have to make educated guesses about what I should or should not do.
What does this all have to do with kink events?
It takes time and money to go to a kink event. I can play in private and have enough play mates. It has to add value to me.
After that time and money is expended, have I gotten balance and growth out of it? And have I sacrificed time and money against what others would consider more important or I consider more important such as paying down a loan or buying clothing before a season starts for my kids?
2011 was a year of significant change. I had several financial set backs. My work enjoyment has significantly dropped. My lifestyle had to change because of family changes and some really amazing good things happened.
I could change jobs, reduce my pay, work harder and have significantly more enjoyment doing it. It is very tempting in a way most people don't understand. Instead, I will stick around for now and enjoy the other side of my life, my kinky side.
I have spent significant amount of time waiting for things to happen in my life. I don't wait much any more. If people want to tag along with me, great but I am doing things and I minimize the complications and responsibilities on myself. With regards to kink events, if I and no one else attends but me and I don't find value out of the event with my low expectations, I will not select it or go to it.
Hotel Kink Events
Many kink events that have bondage, flogging, rope suspension, single tail whips, take down play and many other types of play are in hotels. If things have worked out for the event, they have needle and cutting play (can be a hot button for health departments), fire play (can be a hot button for the fire department) and other types of play that health or safety people get concerned about especially when they don't understand it (or were not told about it). These are all done during the evening or night time "dungeon" or "play space" time.
During the day, they have classes, discussions and demonstrations on domination/submission, polyamorous discussions, protocol, master/slave relationships, BDSM play, etc. For a new person, these are good classes in general.
My problem is I need to learn more about myself and improve my rope skills so many classes at many events don't address that need. They are too basic or middle level.
If advance rope players don't attend the event and play, I can't watch and learn either. There are several good presenters who at the end of the grueling travel or presenting schedule, either don't play in public or do something that suits their needs of play that night.
Inbred Events
There are more then a few events where the event organizers and the people in attendance are one to several closely knit groups, the rest of the folks either want to be part of those "in" groups or are wonderfully independent kinksters. At this point, I steer clear of these events unless I know many people, expect to meet new people and advance my skills.
Some indications of this type of event are they are sold out, have exclusive first ticket purchases for people or word of mouth about the event is having drama. These are not solid telltales of this type of event, I have gone to events like this and had a fantastic and wonderful time but should be considered.
The downside of these types of events is that one can end up on the sidelines like in a high school dance, misled in some way or have some sort of manipulation happen. If you are new to the public scene (also known as "fresh meat") and don't have the experience set to detect and manage this situation, things can easily go the wrong.
My Upcoming Events
I am still working out finances, time available and event selection for the upcoming year. I have to do more to go away to an event given my family and lifestyle changes.
I wanted to go to the kink unconference LA GRUE to enjoy warmer weather in Los Angeles California, to support the GRUE and see friends I hadn't seen in a long time. The $400+ airplane ticket was a deal breaker but as luck would have it, I happen to have enough frequent flyer miles to avoid that cost. I get to go at the end of January.
I have heard repeatedly good things about New England Leather Alliance's (NELA) Fetish Flea. I still don't quite understand the event and expect it to be different then a standard hotel event in format. I will be attending that event in February.
Weekend after that is a local bar event in Pittsburgh at the Altar Bar, I plan to check it out since I have always wanted to check the bar out and they are having a fetish/kink theme night called Resurrection. I am not sure if I will play or not.
In March, I attend a conference called Momentum in Washington DC on feminism, sexuality, and relationships. It is a wonderful conference and gives me insight into the future and the present which I am clearly not happy about. I want to change when I can the little things I an do to make the world more forgiving or at least my part of it.
In May, I go to Shibaricon at the end of the month. This is my major rope event where I learn new things and how to do things better. It is also the only event that still intimidates me since instead of me being one of the few rope people, I am surrounded by rope people with many of them having mad skills in subtle ways better then I.
I love going to my only local to me BDSM club event called Kinko De Mayo. It happens in the month of May. I don't know if I can afford it this year or not. It is also a second event in a busy month. This will be a struggle to attend.
In the summer, I plan to go down to Floria and attend FetishCon. I don't consider this a kink event but an adult event with models, photographers and fans both professional and wanna-be. My kink world overlaps with professionals in the adult world and I want to understand this better and have fun socializing with my friends.
Showing posts with label fetish. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fetish. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Drifting into the 2010 NYC Sex Blogger Calendar Release Party
It still makes me laugh at how things happen in my life.
More then a month ago, I came across reference to a New York City Sex Blogger Calender Release party and it supporting Sex Worker's Awareness. Around the same time, I was fiendishly working out logistics to go to the Connecticut GRUE (Graydancer's Ropetastic Unconference Extravaganza). I looked at the party and it was an evening small window event. My thoughts were not worth the trip for 12 hours of driving or a $200+ hotel room.
I commented on twitter at some point about going to the GRUE. A wonderful lady said she couldn't go to the Connecticut GRUE. I asked why not? Because they saved for this party instead and had to make a choice. This I definitely took note of and would re-examined it. I still couldn't see the value in it.
Life continued as it usually does with lots of craziness in my personal life. Hey, never a dull moment!
As the story unfolds, I got myself showered and dressed and went to the meet and greet party. I meet new people and thoroughly enjoyed myself being with very positive kink aware sexy people.
The best part for this meet and greet was the number of high caliber bondage rope tops. Twisted Monk, Graydancer, Dov, Murphy Blue and other rope tops were there. I would be watching, listening and learning with a big smile on my face. What a blast!
Apparently Graydancer had an appointment to do a podcast with Diva and Tess as part of the NYC Sex Blogger Calendar Release Party. No doubt that this was important for a variety of reasons. It wasn't rope so I drifted off to another part of the meet and greet to stay out of the way.
Later though, I don't remember how but I ended up talking and teasing Tess and Diva with Graydancer and Twisted Monk starting to wrap Diva up. I struggled with trying to work various cameras but thoroughly enjoyed what was happening.
Tess and Diva are both amazing women from what I have experienced. They both shined as I teased them and as Diva was unwrapped and Tess was wrapped up in rope. This was happening as other crazy fun antics occurred. It was a fantastic moment in time. Twisted Monk and Graydancer are fantastic rope tops. They both engage with positive sensuous style.
You see, I am a sucker for a beautiful woman's smile.
Shortly after wards, I did my googling of the party and did some quick peek of some blogs. With my busy life, I made my first mistake of looking at the events and then making hotel reservations and plans like I would do for a business trip.
In the the few weeks that followed, I realized that mistake and attempted to extend the hotel reservation one more night 2 weeks before. The hotel put me on a waiting list and I was #5. Oops. Well, made a second hotel reservation but a full hotel? What does that mean?
It was wonderful getting pleasant comments on twitter about going to the party.
But I had my doubts about the party. The fact was I wasn't a sex blogger, not a sex worker nor anybody. Little 'ol me was a newbie kinkster going to a very impressive party. With that thought in mind, I set my expectations on helping Tess and Diva and enjoying whatever happened in New York City.
Meanwhile I dealt with work, got a new apartment, bought a pile of furniture and moved into my new apartment. In other words, I moved away from my ex-wife and my kids which is a difficult set of emotions.
On the flip side, I got some more rope work in. I discovered I need to stay away from dark rope in dark play spaces especially on dark clothes. I also spent a wonderful day going "mmmm" from some lovely sensation play I bottomed to on the same night.
Tess IMed me with "Can you meet downstairs in 5 minutes?" Oh my, "how about 10?". "ok". Jumped in the shower and dressed in a flash.
The group went off to Essex and I had mentally decided on the road after that speeding ticket I would buy a round of drinks or two. I did exactly that. I met Bad Bad Girl there and others. I discovered at that quiet little moment that I was smiling ear to ear and the fun had started. Good people, good drink and lively discussion was so perfect.
Little did I know that next four days would be a constant blast of fun with difficult choices of whether to sleep, eat or have more fun!
Tess and Diva did an amazing thing. I will be going to the next New York Sex Blogger Calendar Party!
More then a month ago, I came across reference to a New York City Sex Blogger Calender Release party and it supporting Sex Worker's Awareness. Around the same time, I was fiendishly working out logistics to go to the Connecticut GRUE (Graydancer's Ropetastic Unconference Extravaganza). I looked at the party and it was an evening small window event. My thoughts were not worth the trip for 12 hours of driving or a $200+ hotel room.
I commented on twitter at some point about going to the GRUE. A wonderful lady said she couldn't go to the Connecticut GRUE. I asked why not? Because they saved for this party instead and had to make a choice. This I definitely took note of and would re-examined it. I still couldn't see the value in it.
Life continued as it usually does with lots of craziness in my personal life. Hey, never a dull moment!
Connecticut GRUE
Eventually my life centered on getting the car ready, closing up lose ends and packing for the Connecticut GRUE. When I arrived at the GRUE hotel, I immediately saw familiar faces and other obvious kinky souls. I was happy.As the story unfolds, I got myself showered and dressed and went to the meet and greet party. I meet new people and thoroughly enjoyed myself being with very positive kink aware sexy people.
The best part for this meet and greet was the number of high caliber bondage rope tops. Twisted Monk, Graydancer, Dov, Murphy Blue and other rope tops were there. I would be watching, listening and learning with a big smile on my face. What a blast!
Apparently Graydancer had an appointment to do a podcast with Diva and Tess as part of the NYC Sex Blogger Calendar Release Party. No doubt that this was important for a variety of reasons. It wasn't rope so I drifted off to another part of the meet and greet to stay out of the way.
Later though, I don't remember how but I ended up talking and teasing Tess and Diva with Graydancer and Twisted Monk starting to wrap Diva up. I struggled with trying to work various cameras but thoroughly enjoyed what was happening.
Tess and Diva are both amazing women from what I have experienced. They both shined as I teased them and as Diva was unwrapped and Tess was wrapped up in rope. This was happening as other crazy fun antics occurred. It was a fantastic moment in time. Twisted Monk and Graydancer are fantastic rope tops. They both engage with positive sensuous style.
Okay, I will go...
When Tess said I should come to the release party, I think I expressed I already bought 2 calendars and so on. Something about her smile told me I had missed something and my curiosity was peaking. With an inward thought of "you don't know what you are doing", I said I would be at the party.You see, I am a sucker for a beautiful woman's smile.
Shortly after wards, I did my googling of the party and did some quick peek of some blogs. With my busy life, I made my first mistake of looking at the events and then making hotel reservations and plans like I would do for a business trip.
In the the few weeks that followed, I realized that mistake and attempted to extend the hotel reservation one more night 2 weeks before. The hotel put me on a waiting list and I was #5. Oops. Well, made a second hotel reservation but a full hotel? What does that mean?
It was wonderful getting pleasant comments on twitter about going to the party.
But I had my doubts about the party. The fact was I wasn't a sex blogger, not a sex worker nor anybody. Little 'ol me was a newbie kinkster going to a very impressive party. With that thought in mind, I set my expectations on helping Tess and Diva and enjoying whatever happened in New York City.
Meanwhile I dealt with work, got a new apartment, bought a pile of furniture and moved into my new apartment. In other words, I moved away from my ex-wife and my kids which is a difficult set of emotions.
On the flip side, I got some more rope work in. I discovered I need to stay away from dark rope in dark play spaces especially on dark clothes. I also spent a wonderful day going "mmmm" from some lovely sensation play I bottomed to on the same night.
Driving to New York City
The Thursday morning before the release party, I packed and drove quickly to New York City. Snagged a speeding ticket and then arrived a the hotel. I unpacked, set up my laptop and got a wonderful surprise.Tess IMed me with "Can you meet downstairs in 5 minutes?" Oh my, "how about 10?". "ok". Jumped in the shower and dressed in a flash.
The group went off to Essex and I had mentally decided on the road after that speeding ticket I would buy a round of drinks or two. I did exactly that. I met Bad Bad Girl there and others. I discovered at that quiet little moment that I was smiling ear to ear and the fun had started. Good people, good drink and lively discussion was so perfect.
Little did I know that next four days would be a constant blast of fun with difficult choices of whether to sleep, eat or have more fun!
Tess and Diva did an amazing thing. I will be going to the next New York Sex Blogger Calendar Party!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
First, first, first ...
It has been a year of many firsts. A staggering bewildering array of firsts.
One of my firsts was ending my marriage. The short version of this classic tragedy is my marriage after many years had diverged. My wife's path to happiness was making me more and more unhappy.
There came a point where life was just there. Life was paying bills, work, running to the hospital, helping friends, fixing fences, birthing animals, freezing my butt off in the middle of nowhere, repairing cars, doing paper work and so on. Mind numbing in its constant and relentless in its need to be addressed. Nothing much really changed if you stepped back from it. I worked at work. I worked at my wife's farm.
My kids are fantastic. They are growing up so well. I am blessed. As they slowly turn into wonderful adults, my parenting job disappears. My focus turns elsewhere and inward. I didn't like what I was seeing.
I communicated my frustration. I ran faster and faster so it would work. The numbness grew over the last several years.
I had starting exploring online and was surprised at the healthy online BDSM community. As I explored, my feelings of being isolated disappeared. I needed this world.
Eventually another first occurred when my partner and I attempted to find a new balance. We went to Midori's wonderful Rope Dojo I in New York City. Fantastic time. Very cool and educational instructors. My smile grew but my partner's smile faded.
She tried. I really appreciated it. She said to play with others. As I started to explore, she continued her explorations. I love her spunk and love for life and supported it. She also had some luck connecting with people online.
The sad part was the New York City weekend at the Rope Dojo was just us being hotel mates. She didn't even cuddle and watch a movie with me. She spent most of her time online.
Shortly after that time, she ended the marriage and I cut loose. My comfort zone is fairly large and the flirting that made my partner jealous wasn't an issue any more. With a huge smile, I jumped head long into my new world.
My partner heard that FetishCon would be a good event to attend.
When I visited the local dungeon in Pittsburgh and joined, I tripped over an ad for Floating World. When I looked it up, it seem much better then some fetish model convention. This would be my first event.
Meanwhile I downloaded all of Graydancer's Ropecasts and started listening to them working backwards. Fiendishly writing down notes as I drove to work each morning. My online education was slowly being filled by a real world education.
In a short five month period, I had done many firsts:
My expectations were very simple to start. Meet people, learn, explore and smile. It is amazing and I love this world very much. The people are fantastic and normal to me. I have no doubts that others disagree but I don't care.
Oh yea, one more first. This blog entry!!!!
One of my firsts was ending my marriage. The short version of this classic tragedy is my marriage after many years had diverged. My wife's path to happiness was making me more and more unhappy.
There came a point where life was just there. Life was paying bills, work, running to the hospital, helping friends, fixing fences, birthing animals, freezing my butt off in the middle of nowhere, repairing cars, doing paper work and so on. Mind numbing in its constant and relentless in its need to be addressed. Nothing much really changed if you stepped back from it. I worked at work. I worked at my wife's farm.
My kids are fantastic. They are growing up so well. I am blessed. As they slowly turn into wonderful adults, my parenting job disappears. My focus turns elsewhere and inward. I didn't like what I was seeing.
I communicated my frustration. I ran faster and faster so it would work. The numbness grew over the last several years.
I had starting exploring online and was surprised at the healthy online BDSM community. As I explored, my feelings of being isolated disappeared. I needed this world.
Eventually another first occurred when my partner and I attempted to find a new balance. We went to Midori's wonderful Rope Dojo I in New York City. Fantastic time. Very cool and educational instructors. My smile grew but my partner's smile faded.
She tried. I really appreciated it. She said to play with others. As I started to explore, she continued her explorations. I love her spunk and love for life and supported it. She also had some luck connecting with people online.
The sad part was the New York City weekend at the Rope Dojo was just us being hotel mates. She didn't even cuddle and watch a movie with me. She spent most of her time online.
Shortly after that time, she ended the marriage and I cut loose. My comfort zone is fairly large and the flirting that made my partner jealous wasn't an issue any more. With a huge smile, I jumped head long into my new world.
My partner heard that FetishCon would be a good event to attend.
When I visited the local dungeon in Pittsburgh and joined, I tripped over an ad for Floating World. When I looked it up, it seem much better then some fetish model convention. This would be my first event.
Meanwhile I downloaded all of Graydancer's Ropecasts and started listening to them working backwards. Fiendishly writing down notes as I drove to work each morning. My online education was slowly being filled by a real world education.
In a short five month period, I had done many firsts:
- Joined FetLife
- Went to Floating World.
- Attended several area group munches (meet and greets)
- Attended several dungeon play times.
- Attended one play party.
- Attended COPE or Central Ohio Perversion Excursion
- Attended the first East Coast GRUE or Graydancer's Ropetastic Unconference Extravaganza
My expectations were very simple to start. Meet people, learn, explore and smile. It is amazing and I love this world very much. The people are fantastic and normal to me. I have no doubts that others disagree but I don't care.
Oh yea, one more first. This blog entry!!!!
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