Exploring Rope and Kink | B. Playful

My public sexual comments, grabbing, choking, etc.

2012-01-14T13:35:00.000-05:00

Random Pic from the Net

I went to a happy hour last night at a bar that was crowded.

A woman with long dark curly hair was wiggling her bottom side to side close to me. I made low key sexual comments about that wiggle.

Later on, I grabbed her arm, bent it behind her and had my hand around her throat. I redid that fun with some small thin rope pulling it hard around her throat as it was tied to that wrist. I was being mean.

For some stranger, it would seem I had without permission made these comments. It would seem I had touched her, grabbed her, choked her and pressed my body against her without her saying I could.

I didn't ask if I could do any of that. She didn't say I could.

Why could I do this?

Permission and Consent

There were several big clues that this was okay. She smiled wider. She did the smiling with eye contact with me. When we weren't in eye contact, her verbal cues and comments were positive or encouraging in some way.

When I was brand new to the kink world, I saw this often.

I would also see other men do this and a totally different set of reactions would happen. They were negative such as the woman's look being annoyed or angry, verbal negative comments being spoken by her, a blank look with arms and legs pulling closer together, moving away, another person stepping in between them and so on.

So what is the special here?

This woman I had grabbed, I knew not as a lover, not as a friend, not as acquaintance. I knew as a play partner. I had tied her up before. I had pulled clothes off of her before. I had spanked her before. I had made her cum before. I knew her in a play way.

Most importantly, she knew me and trusted me in this area and she was giving me signals that allowed me to progress. I would have stopped immediately if signals from her or from others had been negative in some way.

Public Consent

This was in the back part of the bar that was I think a separate room. Most of the people I knew and the rest were interacting with them. I could have easily overstepped a line with some of them but I do that with a degree of care.

If there had been a couple in that par of the bar not interacting with people I knew or were watching me closely in some way, I would not have escalated or repeated in any way the play that was happening. I don't want my kink forced on others just like I don't want their lack of understanding, and possibly their sexual views of what is correct forced on me.

One has to be aware of the context and act accordingly especially if there is touching involved since touching without permission is a criminal charge, assault.

I do push boundaries as compared to violating boundaries. I know the difference. Do you?

Future Kink and Adult Events for Me

2011-12-28T12:22:00.000-05:00

I have various "rules" for myself. Some have been learned the hard way and some are just part of my nature.

They are rules like "not waiting too long". Whether socializing, dating or dealing with work, I limit my waiting to hear from someone and move forward. Another rule is "first things first", family, work and other critical aspects in my life need to be addressed first in a timely manner. Yet another rule is to find balance and growth in myself. Often these rules collide and I have to make educated guesses about what I should or should not do.

What does this all have to do with kink events?

It takes time and money to go to a kink event. I can play in private and have enough play mates. It has to add value to me.

After that time and money is expended, have I gotten balance and growth out of it? And have I sacrificed time and money against what others would consider more important or I consider more important such as paying down a loan or buying clothing before a season starts for my kids?

2011 was a year of significant change. I had several financial set backs. My work enjoyment has significantly dropped. My lifestyle had to change because of family changes and some really amazing good things happened.

I could change jobs, reduce my pay, work harder and have significantly more enjoyment doing it. It is very tempting in a way most people don't understand. Instead, I will stick around for now and enjoy the other side of my life, my kinky side.

I have spent significant amount of time waiting for things to happen in my life. I don't wait much any more. If people want to tag along with me, great but I am doing things and I minimize the complications and responsibilities on myself. With regards to kink events, if I and no one else attends but me and I don't find value out of the event with my low expectations, I will not select it or go to it.

Hotel Kink Events

Many kink events that have bondage, flogging, rope suspension, single tail whips, take down play and many other types of play are in hotels. If things have worked out for the event, they have needle and cutting play (can be a hot button for health departments), fire play (can be a hot button for the fire department) and other types of play that health or safety people get concerned about especially when they don't understand it (or were not told about it). These are all done during the evening or night time "dungeon" or "play space" time.

During the day, they have classes, discussions and demonstrations on domination/submission, polyamorous discussions, protocol, master/slave relationships, BDSM play, etc. For a new person, these are good classes in general.

My problem is I need to learn more about myself and improve my rope skills so many classes at many events don't address that need. They are too basic or middle level.

If advance rope players don't attend the event and play, I can't watch and learn either. There are several good presenters who at the end of the grueling travel or presenting schedule, either don't play in public or do something that suits their needs of play that night.

Inbred Events

There are more then a few events where the event organizers and the people in attendance are one to several closely knit groups, the rest of the folks either want to be part of those "in" groups or are wonderfully independent kinksters. At this point, I steer clear of these events unless I know many people, expect to meet new people and advance my skills.

Some indications of this type of event are they are sold out, have exclusive first ticket purchases for people or word of mouth about the event is having drama. These are not solid telltales of this type of event, I have gone to events like this and had a fantastic and wonderful time but should be considered.

The downside of these types of events is that one can end up on the sidelines like in a high school dance, misled in some way or have some sort of manipulation happen. If you are new to the public scene (also known as "fresh meat") and don't have the experience set to detect and manage this situation, things can easily go the wrong.

My Upcoming Events

I am still working out finances, time available and event selection for the upcoming year. I have to do more to go away to an event given my family and lifestyle changes.

I wanted to go to the kink unconference LA GRUE to enjoy warmer weather in Los Angeles California, to support the GRUE and see friends I hadn't seen in a long time. The $400+ airplane ticket was a deal breaker but as luck would have it, I happen to have enough frequent flyer miles to avoid that cost. I get to go at the end of January.

I have heard repeatedly good things about New England Leather Alliance's (NELA) Fetish Flea. I still don't quite understand the event and expect it to be different then a standard hotel event in format. I will be attending that event in February.

Weekend after that is a local bar event in Pittsburgh at the Altar Bar, I plan to check it out since I have always wanted to check the bar out and they are having a fetish/kink theme night called Resurrection. I am not sure if I will play or not.

In March, I attend a conference called Momentum in Washington DC on feminism, sexuality, and relationships. It is a wonderful conference and gives me insight into the future and the present which I am clearly not happy about. I want to change when I can the little things I an do to make the world more forgiving or at least my part of it.

In May, I go to Shibaricon at the end of the month. This is my major rope event where I learn new things and how to do things better. It is also the only event that still intimidates me since instead of me being one of the few rope people, I am surrounded by rope people with many of them having mad skills in subtle ways better then I.

I love going to my only local to me BDSM club event called Kinko De Mayo. It happens in the month of May. I don't know if I can afford it this year or not. It is also a second event in a busy month. This will be a struggle to attend.

In the summer, I plan to go down to Floria and attend FetishCon. I don't consider this a kink event but an adult event with models, photographers and fans both professional and wanna-be. My kink world overlaps with professionals in the adult world and I want to understand this better and have fun socializing with my friends.

Fetish 101 in Pittsburgh & New York City Trip

2011-12-26T00:47:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago I went down to an open to the public party in the Pittsburgh Strip District. It was being held at a local bar. It was the second party that had been held.

I heard some things about the first party. It was crowded and people were walking into "scenes". I also heard comments about something to do with cameras. I wasn't sure what to expect so I got dressed up including my boots which I love to wear and headed down.

My plan was simple. Check it out. Enjoy some drinks, meet people and experience it. I wasn't planning on doing much else. I did bring my rope bag with me but left it in the car.

I parked down a block since parking can be a challenge and I saw a spot. I walked in the direction the building numbers trying to find it and smiled when I saw some fetish attire. I entered and paid the cover charge which was low compared to New York City and other places. I asked about getting in and out since I wasn't stamped. The man said he would remember me.

The first room was pretty nice. Lovely bar on the right side with a back room that had a pool table. I had passed a hallway. I got a drink. The bartender rocked. I love good bartenders.

I headed down the hallway. It had to the left three nook hole sitting areas. I liked those. It opened up into another large area with an elevated bar area to the right. A suspension rig was set up in this large area and two crosses were set up on the left with yellow police tape. The crowd was very small which was fine by me.

The suspension rig was in use by someone I knew. I watched some of the rope work. I chatted with people I knew. I heard about how this time compared to the last time. It seemed the door charge solved the problem of too many people coming off the street just to look inside at the fetish people.

Public Play

I was approached by someone I knew and asked about doing some rope. I said sure but I needed to get my rope bag and the like. We talked a bit more and was surprised to find out she had been bound in rope and dropped. We talked some more.

Because it was public play, even though the woman who was being tied up was topless with tape or something covering her nipples, I wouldn't be asking that. I don't like clothing getting wrapped in my ropes but it is just a dislike.

I went off to get my rope bag taking my time. I came back dropped my rope bag off and then went to bar and started my first in a series of diet colas.

The suspension rig became free. We chatted some more and continue to talk as I wrapped rope around here. Her friends were there too. It was a good time. The chest harness was fun. The hip harness didn't quite work for her. I re-did it and put her up.

We had some playful fun. I do like to make breasts sore and asses red. I can't resist doing it to a tightly bound woman.

After that play was done, I got some more diet colas in me and did another suspension. This was fantastic too.

The place was filling up and had a wonderful energy. I didn't think it would be wise to do any more playing so I packed up my stuff.

End of the Night

I said hello to someone I knew. She was dressed in fetish attire from head to foot. I think men were swarming her and my hello was badly timed. Oh well.

The rest of the night was the simple pleasure of enjoying the kinky and fetish people who I knew and meeting new people. It was a blast. I had switched back to drinking and nursed a couple of Black Russian drinks. I learned some more things. It was a good night and ended very well.

New York City

Happy Ending Lounge :-)

I went up to visit friends in New York City. The first night would include attending the Red Umbrella Diaries at the Happy Ending Lounge in the lower east side. It used to be named other things such as Sex Worker Literati.

The organizers, Dee Dennis and Tess announced it would be their last one. They were too busy with thinks like Momentum Con.

I was surprised by one woman's presentation and had missed from the ambient noise what she had said right before she said it. She indicated that Momentum Con was an event where sex workers could feel comfortable compared to other events. I asked her later about the comment since I had missed some of what she said. We talked some. I knew her name but had never met her. She was the lovely Sabrina Morgan and it turns out also a tech person.

It was disappointing to me but as I thought about it, it seems very possible that many events "out" sex workers. They can go overboard with their drama in many directions which I have seen.

I am glad I am more aware and will try and help.

Wonderful Chance Meeting

A good friend of mine who has been in gypsy mode for half a year or so and I loved bumping into her was now living in Minnesota.

I was outside the Happy Ending lounge, looking at the street, the buildings, the truck in the street being repaired in front of the mechanic's place and was totally surprised to see her standing there. I gave her a hug and realized I was feeling lost like I was in another city. It happens given I bounce between enough of them.

It was so good to see her.

Winding Down

Several of us went to a diner a few blocks over. We had to work out some logistics with cars and parking. It worked out. We had a good meal and a lovely discussion. It was unfortunate that one of my friends who is deathly allergic to wheat ended up with breaded onion rings on her plate. I scoped them off her plate as quickly as possible.

After that we headed back, I picked up my car from the hotel and went over to a friend's place. We chatted for another hour or so longer and then it was time to call it a night.

The next day I met up for breakfast. It was good time and then I had to decide what I was going to do. Try and catch up with other friend's in New Jersey or head back. I decided given I was taking my time and enjoying life away from work that I would head back.

I packed up my stuff, checked some email and then started the long many hour drive back to Pittsburgh.

Why do I have this blog?

2011-12-11T15:41:00.001-05:00

I have a variety of reasons for having this blog.

I have the skills and knowledge to market a blog or a web site, expanding the public relations part of it, handling market communications and so on. I have done this elsewhere.

I could be doing things like putting pointers to it on twitter, fetlife and other social media outlets. I could be working in keywords for web search engines, adding sexy mainstream photos with captions for image searches, dropping people's names, etc. I could be working to get other blogs and social media to have links to this blog to also expand the hit rate and other tricks. There is an endless number of things I could do to make this blog more visible but then that would be work.

I am not interested in that work.

My intent behind my blog is to provide some help to myself and to others. By writing down things, organizing things and reading them back I get some clarity for myself and it helps my thinking. There are times I just need to express myself without any regards to other people, it makes me feel better. Sometimes I write in the hopes that others may be helped, I consider that a failing of sorts given the internet is filled with trolls and that sort of goodness is buried under the crap.

I have limits with this blog.

I would love to think it is anonymous but I know better. A little digging, back door access and some other tricks and I am easily found. There are even easier ways to find me using other people's web sites and some non-online detective work. With this reality in mind, I pull back on some details about people, places and myself -- whatever I put in this blog is something I have to live with.

The person, me, behind the blog is known in various places and circles. I have in person talked with a variety of people who are on twitter or have blogs. It doesn't really matter whether they know I have a blog or not.

I have tried to "out" myself with care and tact. It seems impossible at work given the politics, their policies and the unclear boundary of where work stops and a personal life starts. I have worked to move off of people's radar screen so I can be more open. I have had limited success with my family too. I don't have any agenda of saying "here I am" to anyone. I just need to be honest with close and personal family and friends if the subject comes up in a positive setting.

In summary, this is a little blog in a little corner of the internet and I am just fine with that.

A Private Play Date After a While ...

2011-11-30T23:39:00.001-05:00

I am never quite sure how people see me. I can read people's writing, know they are talking about me and read words like "He is all sexy, funny, flirty, and fun". I like it but all I feel is my talkative, flirty and smiling side.

I try to keep things positive online. As of this last year, I have been more quiet on fetlife.com. It seems to be busier with the mundane and simple basic porn mixed in with attention and other types of trolls.

Someone I never met happen to mention her surgery, I was surprised and commented that I hope her the best and so on. I am not a fan of anyone getting sick, having surgery or being hospitalized. I really meant it. I was surprised that a while later, she sent me a message and a friend's request.

Perving My Rope Pics

She commented on perving my rope pics and how she fantasied about rope bondage the private message. Being the flirt and the tease I am, I did my best to do just that in the private message exchange. I talked about having her bound kneeling in the center of a room, her clothes messed up to expose her breasts and me working a room to have everyone talking about her. I had a sense that she likes positive attention and had no reservations about her breasts being exposed from peeking in on her writing.

I mixed that in with, are you sure you want to friend me? I am quite aware of some of the bad mouthing that happens in regards to me in Pittsburgh. I had to laugh when she said "Bring it on!".

We kept exchanging email. It went from teasing her to her wanting to be tied up. I said sure! I think my friends and my own mind said "What the fuck did you just do? You haven't even met her!".

Well as things went, she had the surgery, she spent a long time recovering and she and I both had schedule conflicts. We finally arranged a play date and planned for it. It was another wonderful play time to look forward to. It had to be canceled since she had a nasty cold. We set another date, the second date had to be canceled and then a third time. Life is like that. I don't sweat the small stuff.

Play Time!

Things finally came together and then another hiccup happened. We would have to delay more then a few hours. I really didn't want to complicate her life let alone mine.

I headed down to her place. It took me a while. My GPS failed to work in her neighborhood so I switched to another GPS in my phone. It was great to find her and say hello. I grabbed my rope bag and headed inside.

I asked her about her place, put my leather jacket on a chair, why she lived in this area and asked to use the bathroom. We talk some more.

Negotiation

When it comes to formal negotiation, I basically don't do it. There is one exception, I try these days to remember to explain upfront my penis and my mouth don't end up being used for sex. There is some wiggle room but it requires discussions with my partners. I am poly after all.

What I do instead is flirt, tease, ask serious questions and so on trying to understand them. I do this during the entire time I am with them except at the end. My teasing would sometimes get a giddy girl look in her face. Sometimes it would a get ponder or thoughtful look in the face with a big smile. I consider the former a good thing to push on and the latter something not to push on.

Games Begin!

I had pulled out my ropes and had put them on the couch. I was still flirting with her when she said something in response to a question "You're the Boss". I immediately pushed her backwards on the couch and teased her. She had a unsure but bright smile. I grabbed some rope and then had her up off the couch and turned her to the side so I could tie her arms. A little bit of confusion for a moment -- I wasn't really talking as much but just positioning her. I wonder what was going through her mind?

We talked some more. I was laughing and smiling as I ran ropes across her clothes tightly above her breasts, tied them off in back with a cinch and continued another run below her breasts. I don't let go of the rope at this point. There is always tension even when I reach for more rope.

In a short time, her upper torso was bound in a box tie, a little loose for my taste but it was her first time. I suspected some things were going through her mind, I wanted or I should say needed to keep her off balance some. At this point, I grabbed the ropes behind her and pushed and pulled them reinforcing the feeling of helplessness.

I asked about her camera and the clover clamps I knew she had. She said they were in the bed room. I held on the ropes while I pushed her to the bedroom. I did this for safety since she could have easily face smacked the floor and I did it to keep the connection.

She told me which drawer in her bedroom had the clover clamps. It was an amazing collection of fun stuff. It took me a while but I found them. I made her go back into the other room with me bringing the camera and the clover clamps along.

Floor Fun

When back in the other room, I made her kneel down on the floor. I proceeded to man handle her tying her ankle to her thigh. At this point. she did a quiet laugh with a sort of gasp. I knew what that meant, she had cum.

I pushed her back and pulled down her top to expose her breasts. I wasn't really paying attention to how often she was squirming or cumming. I put the clover clamps on her nipples. Sadistically re-applied them and made her hold the chain between them in her mouth. She was so cute and squirming so well.

I couldn't resist grabbing some more rope, taking off the clover clamps and tightly binding her breasts. I expected a gold mine of fun with her breasts and I wasn't mistaken. With them tightly bound, the blood going in and not coming out of them, they would be much more sensitive. I proceeded to run my finger tip around in a circle not touching the nipple as I watched her. Oh yea! She was off the charts and having a blast from the look in her face.

In the middle of this fun, I grabbed the camera a few times and took some pictures. It wasn't quite working so she directed me to the light switches. I took some more pictures and played with her some more.

I did some more playing, rebound her breasts even tighter and had more fun with her.

At this point, I slowly undid the ropes and we took some time to talk and relax. She was one happy woman.

Round Two

This time the idea was to hogtie her. I stripped most of her clothes off and quickly did another tie around her chest. I bound her breasts and took her into the bedroom. I wickedly had her lie down on her front knowing well that her breasts would be uncomfortable with her own weight on them. She immediately turned to her side.

I didn't stop. I am a kinetic player. I play for the energy using my own and theirs. I grabbed some more rope and tied her ankles together and then use the remaining rope length for her knees. She was squirming but not quite right. I slowed down given what I sensed and let her stay on her side.

I found the long rope end that I had left earlier and snakeed it between her legs and then cuddle up in front of her. Her face smiling at me, the bound breasts pointing at me and we chatted for a brief moment. I am always chatting.

In a moment, I pulled on the rope I had fished through her legs. I wiggled it. I dug it in. Loosened it and pulled and so on. I did this all while I was watching her face. Yep! I hit the right buttons.

I teased her about other types of rope, the kind that are rough, the kind that leaves little splinters and so on. I kept talking and pulling on the rope in various rhythms and used my other hand to touch her skin, her face, give her reassuring touches and caresses on those swollen breasts.

I untied her. We spent a while talking in a mess of ropes. She was very cool in helping me fish out the mixed together ropes and coil them up.

Sweet Goodnight

I know that after that sort of intensity that I am a furnace and many of the women I play with tend to get cold. I got her back in the main room, trying to make sure she didn't fall. I got her clothes to her and helped her put them on. I think I asked her if she needed something to drink.

This is the time when I am so goofy and feeling good I start missing things, making mistakes and saying the stupidest things. I do my best to keep myself in check. I think she was okay. I asked her a couple of times. We snuggled on the couch as this happened.

I packed up my rope bag. Made sure her camera was off. I tried to remember if I forgot anything or left toys there. I gave her a good night hug and a kiss on the cheek. Time to head home. We said our good byes.

When I got into the car, I was amazed that 3 hours had past. It was fun.

Giving Thanks

2011-11-24T13:06:00.001-05:00

I like the part of Thanksgiving where people give thanks for what they find of value in their lives especially with regards to other. For me it really doesn't matter if there are people around or not. It is the seeking of the positive over the past year, who you have become to be and for the positive parts of the road travel for yourself.

I say this in the context that I don't view the commercial start of Thanksgiving with positive thoughts. For me it is the start of some combination of drama, stress and social pressures the week before Thanksgiving until sometime after the New Years.

For example, I thought I had a dorm room to live in until summer but found out the college I attended closed them for two or more weeks making me homeless again. I have on numerous occasions ended up working in one way or another during the holidays, at first for the money but later on to handle my job. There were a few years where because of business, there was no money, no food and I lost 10 or more pounds to only have a welcome amount of money appear at the end of January. Even when I made sure, there was money and I wasn't suppose to work, it was amazing how things still ended up a mess.

Therefore I could totally relate when this morning my son, gave me a hug and said "thanks" to me. He explained that if he had been at my ex's place, this day would be yet another day of stress. It made me smile and I didn't mention the several dramas that unfolded at work on Tuesday that could have made my Thanksgiving a stress ball.

So I begin ...

Thanks for the good people in my life!

There was a point in my life, I would guess about age 19 where another wave of insanity had hit me. My life, my body and the world was out of control. The predators in the world seemed to sense this and pursued me for their sexual needs, wanted to "convert" me, wanted me for news and other motivations. There were others who just enjoyed making life horrible for others and found me on their radar. I really thought less of people in general.

Yet again, in this haze of insanity, some small kindness happened and happened again and again. I expected strings to be attached. I expected some sort of betrayal. The thing is nothing happen like that. It was just goodness from people I didn't understand but were part of my life.

I started to believe slowly in adding to the community and making the world a better place. The trick was to be with those good people.

My world at that time was a sub-culture that was misunderstood but I built on it. I steered toward the good people and it worked out well.

When I entered the kinky world, it seemed to be the same way. I continued to steer toward the good people.

I am so blessed by the kinky good friends. Thank you.

Thanks to my kids!

I am so glad they are in my life even though there is an ebb and a flow. I have worried, carried, hugged, prayed, cried, freaked out, stressed out, waited by the phone and so on for so much of their lives that it is fantastic that they both seem to have their heads on straight and are making tough choices.

I don't wish the insanity I had early in my life on them. I can't shelter them from that. I can just be there and hopefully make the right choices in how to support them so they come out of it okay. I still worry on occasion but they are old enough that I have to let them be themselves.

Thanks to my Poly Group!

Being alone is easy but I can't do it. It was easy when a play partner become my lover. It didn't really matter she had other lovers and doms in her life. It got more complicated when I added another serious play partner. It definitely got more complicated when another relationship turned into a lover.

They put up with me. I am amazed by that. I appreciate it and don't take it for granted. I can't be something I am not nor will I try to be monogamous.

I love the three women in my life, two of which are "my girls". I am blessed. I am very thankful for them.

Thanks to the Community Drivers: Advocates, Educators, Organizers, etc.

I have gone to numerous events, taken numerous classes, purchased media (books, DVDs, access web media, etc.) and learned about my kinky sexual side many new things, have improved my rope skills and have meet many wonderful people.

This wouldn't be possible with people spear heading things in a positive way, doing things in a positive way and organizing things. There is tons of negative thinking connected to sex and blatant broken assumptions. Things would be a much different world if people were not pushing forward in organizing, educating and so on whether it was kink related, sex related, gender related, sex worker related, slut walk related, feminist related and so on.

When I can, I try to help. It may be as simple as attended the event, going to the class, helping clean up at an event, buying an educators book or making a donation. I do what I can anonymously.

It is their work that makes the world a better place. I can't be out in front but I do what I can to support their efforts.

My thanks to them!

Final Thanks: Good Heath

I myself have had problems with health. My one partner has survived cancer. Another one had some huge health issues. I know others are struggling.

I pray and hope for good health. There have been ups and downs but things are good. I am keeping my fingers crossed and counting my blessings.

My thanks for the good health with my friends and myself!

Entering the Pittsburgh Kink Scene

2011-10-09T19:19:00.001-04:00

I got asked recently about introducing someone to kinky people in Pittsburgh. I gave my advice to go to a munch but that is really too short.

The thing is that as an experienced player, I view meeting kinky people like dating. I work hard to meet as many people as I can but of those many people I meet, I have no idea if their kink aligns with my kink. One has to meet many to connect with the few that have the chemistry that combines right.

With new people, it is even more complicated. What is their level of kink, what is real to them and what are their kinks and sexual interests? I listen more and ask questions less when I meet very new people.

There is no simple answer that one can make for you and your sexual interests and more importantly your *needs*. You need to know yourself and to do that you need to experience things.

There are people who just fantasize about kink or having a wild night or two but don't do anything about it. There are people that use kink or fetish to spice things up in their lives occasionally. There are people who while dating or socializing make it known in some way they are kinky and have fun in private. There are people who have a social circle of kinky people. The list goes on and on.

The wild night out could be as simple as wearing hot clothes to get attention. It could be being a voyeur and watching others wear hot clothes.

Fetish Attire Fun

Depending on the fetish, there are many venues and ways to enjoy them. If one likes to look at hot women in heels, short dresses and so on, exploring night clubs and bars works just fine. If one is looking for women wearing latex or leather or whatnot, there are fun 'fetish' events on certain nights of the month at some clubs that cater to goth, alternate, etc. styles.

For the most part, this is pushing the edge of clothing and having fun being out. Unless one is exposing some body parts that the legal system and/or patrons find to be a problem, it can be done.As of the moment, one of the Pittsburgh clubs that I am aware that has fetish fun on certain nights is the Altar Bar. I haven't check it out yet. Who knows when I will.

Swingers

The term kinky sometimes is defined by people as having sex with multiple people in one night or with people they barely know or swapping wives and other things. I have friends that are part of this world or occasionally go to "Swinger" parties. It isn't my thing or my kink but there are parties and clubs. There are one or two clubs in Pittsburgh.

There is also a club in Cleveland if this your thing. It is called Escape. I also know of a club in DC which at the moment is under construction where the space alternates between swinging, BDSM and other events. The worlds overlap but generally don't mix.

Queer, Gay, Lesbian, Transgender, etc.

If you prefer same sex or are trans or whatnot, hanging around people who tend to be heteronormative or some other label may not be your thing. There a variety of bars and clubs that cater to this and they have events. They is also a good information resource in downtown Pittsburgh at the GLCC.

My experiences in Pittsburgh have been a confused mixture in this world. When I was under 25, things were very confusing for me. Because of the way I lived, I was very aware of the gay men's world since I tended to trip over it frequently and once and a while tripped over the lesbian world. They were both difficult in different ways. .

I am very careful at this point with regards to the LGBT world in Pittsburgh. I don't know it well enough and have hit enough recent rough waters with some that I am shy about it. This isn't true in other cities where I can have a blast.

For the most part, this isn't me either.

The world I know best is the BDSM world with everyone whether swinger, queer, fetish, sensation player, etc. come together.

Meeting Kinky People

I have a female friend who I adore who handles herself well. She commented last night again "She is converting to kink one person at a time". She often wears kinky attire or T-shirts that say kinky things. She is approached by men, has a conversation and then often meets up with them for play. She makes the right moves and she has a good ability to read people. It also helps that she thinks on her feet and has many police people contacts.

I have seen this happen to her at a bar and she does the same thing at goth and other clubs she visits for drinks.

I haven't gone to a club in a long time. I have had opportunities to do so but things got in the way. I am curious and will probably hit some but for now, I am having too much fun.

I meet kinky people, potential play partners and others through my social circle, my kinky network of friends, munches, play parties, kink events and other functions.I know that part of my ability to connect with people is that I am a flirt. I have no idea if my looks help or not. Another part of it is that I hear that I have a good reputation in several different circles.

The thing is that even with that social circle and it being centered in Pittsburgh, I know of kinky people that I have never met in Pittsburgh, never seen them play in Pittsburgh and so on. They are just not part of my small little world. I have seen them or talk to them in events and social functions outside of Pittsburgh.

The implication is simple. There are many social kinky circles or small little groups that enjoy each others company and can be totally unaware or care less about the many other little groups or social kinky circles.

Your Kinky? Great! What is your kink?

What I have thought about myself and my kinkiness has changed as life has thrown crap in my face and as I experienced things. When things were really bad in my life, my kinky thoughts tended to be escapism. In hindsight they weren't real and I would have probably messed things up in a series of kinky encounters. Heck, my dating life at the time was a series of disasters until I figured out what was wrong with me.

My advice is simple. Don't label yourself! Don't put yourself in a box based on your mind. Don't start with the thinking "I am a submissive" or "I am a dominant". Be curious! Be honest about being curious!

The terminology and labels passed around are too simple and too confusing. The words "sex", "kink", "domination", etc. mean different things to different people.

One can look at studies (or better layman summaries such as the one by ABC News) about what is "sex" and find no agreement. Many people use the concept of reproduction as the definition of sex, 95% in that study had penis-in-vagina as sex but it drops down to 89% if no ejaculation happens. 59% of the respondents didn't consider "oral sex" as having sex yet that is a sexual behavior that can transmit sexual transmitted diseases.

Bottom line is don't get stuck on the labels for yourself. Think and verbalize with others about what you want to try, have experienced and liked and what you have experienced and don't like.With an inexperienced player, make sure you both understand what is meant by sex, what "no" and "yes" mean and communicate often.

I keep getting surprised myself by what I like, when I do and when I don't like things. Being self aware and exploratory is important and helps with communication.

Your Shy? And want to meet Kinky People?

Pittsburgh is great for this at the moment. Once a month one or two people meet at a coffee shop.I tend to slip and call it a "gateway munch" but it isn't called that. It is a simple calendar date where people that are putting their toes into this kinky world can meet in a very small group some people who know the public scene and answer most of your questions.

The meeting is called "Threshold" by the organizers and it isn't a munch. It is just a way to get to know a person or two before you go to a munch with many people. You don't have to say anything beyond "hi" and maybe the helpful "I am nervous" in this setting and listen.

Just have some coffee, smile and sip your coffee. Learn what you can. Relax, smile and if needed say "I am shy" and maybe "can you describe the munches to me?".

Off to the Munch?

Thanks to the effort of some people, "The Next Generation", which is people in the ages of 18-35 have a age restricted group. With the exceptions of significant others (partners, etc.), the age is restricted. For some, this is a good thing. It cuts out people who need or don't understand generational gaps and the like.

Unless you tend to date older or unless you tend not to like people your age dating wise, I would suggest going to a TNG get together to socialize if you are under the age of 25. Sit down near people your age, say "hi" and listen. Take your time.Do it again next week or next month until you are comfortable.

If you are outside of this age range or are comfortable, go to a munch in Pittsburgh. There are several of them. Two within Pittsburgh city limits, one on the South Side and another over in the Bloomfield area. Check out the FetLife.com group listing under Pittsburgh Bridge.

If someone is annoying, tell them "can I talk to you later? I just came to listen" or walk away from them. The only thing you need to do is be seen and learn from what people are talking about. Some of it will be kinky and other conversations will be normal day to day stuff.

I enjoy being around kinky people since they make me feel normal. When the world is crazy and I am not in the correct emotional state to play, I for the most part, say "hi", sit and listen.

Pittsburgh Play Space (aka Dungeon)

We had one.There was a bunch of drama and power struggles. People got excluded and there was other problems happening. It closed. It got re-opened by the landlord but that has its own drama and has some $300 per hour fee or something and doesn't have schedule open play time.

Maybe one of these days, a new play space will open run by a board not some single dom or dom couple and will be inclusive. It will have nights for TNG, general play, LGBT play, etc. but for now it is just a dream.

One has to play in private or play at private play parties for now... Once and a while there is a local event that you can play in but they are pretty rare.

There is a play space in Cleveland called OhioSmart if you don't mind the drive.

Private Play

This week I met someone I only knew about online. We had never met in person. I need to meet people before I even thinking about playing with them. We met for lunch and we talked about our interests, some dominate/submissive play, rope play and other normal stuff. I needed to understand her, read her, understand whether my needs and wants played into her needs and wants. I also needed to understand if I could trust her.

This meeting with her was a prelude to playing with her in the future. There is no rushing these things.

Last night, I went and played with an established play partner of mine in her home. We had drinks, we talked, we played, we recovered and then I went home.

I tie her up, hang her up in the air and take risks with her. She trusts me in this regard but it is much more. I trust her to cover my back as I would cover her back.

For me, trust and respect are a big deal. It is a two way street. One has to make the right moves so things don't go from fun and games to police, jail, lawyers and other outcomes such as losing a job, losing kids, etc.

Meeting people at munches is a good start. It helps reading people but going from a munch and having a short five minute conversation to playing alone is a risky step.

If you are new, don't do one-on-one private play unless you have an established track record having this sort of fun and know how to avoid the "wrong moves".

Private Play Parties

Get to know people. Find out what their kinks are and whether they may fit your need. Play parties don't cater for everyone's needs. They cater to certain needs and wants.

Maybe you want to be spanked? Maybe you want to spank someone and should start by learning how it feels to be spanked before topping someone else?

There are spanking parties. When I first started, I started to connect up with this world. As soon as I experienced a few things, I drop out of it. It wasn't for me. I enjoy spanking but I start with rope and that isn't a good fit for a spanking focused party.

I don't go to parties that don't fit in with my core kinks. I don't want to slow the party down or be in the way.

I also don't expect to be invited to those sorts of parties.

Take your time meeting people, being honest about what you are curious about, what you need and want and finding people that are like minded. Honesty with people who are honest will go a long way.

If you can't tell if people are honest then listen to what people say about them and listen to what kind of play they do. Read what they write on the fetlife profile and other places. Learn about their standing in the BDSM community and then talk to them.

Don't be surprised if you hear conflicting things. I know there is negative comments about me floating around in the BDSM world from some of the drama. It is usually gossip based on either jealously or trying to be part the "in" crowd. Ignore that and make up your own mind by hanging out or simply watching at a play party what they do.

Spitting out "Safety" in a Kinky Context

2011-09-25T13:26:00.001-04:00

I hear and read these "safety" comments.Most of them seem superficial, weren't worth the time to read and are missing more important less superficial things.

It is cool when I attend an advance rope class and within 30 seconds because everyone else has been doing rope, we get over in a minute the agony of what to discuss about safety.

What I wish people would talk about doesn't happen which leads me to believe people are throwing up safety comments to somehow convince others they know what they are talking about. Given this particular behavior is a common part of my life, it annoys me.

I try to understand and continue to engage in listening or reading in the kinky world but it often goes into the weeds, pops up with misinformation or people start hand waving away the issues. If they aren't listening then it isn't worth the effort to communicate. It doesn't matter if it is a FetLife thread, a hallway conversation at a kink event or on some kinky mailing list.

Little actions like having EMT scissors on hand don't imply things are safe in kinky hot sexual situations.It is just a tool lying on the floor or stuck in someone's clothing. There is when and how to use it.

Rope Around the Neck

For example, on a tamer bondage mailing list, I responded to a comment about playing with rope and rope around the neck. The complete response and context doesn't really matter. The important part is what I said in the middle:

The real question is do you know your partner? Do you know when they have a face that says things aren't going well? What is their happy face? What is their look when they are floating and not thinking?

Do you understand when you are floating and not thinking?

My advice is to start off slow. Communicate frequently. Learn what your ropes are doing and what isn't good. Don't leave the person tied alone. Have EMT scissors handy (don't want pointy normal scissors or knives used in a panic situation).

When the communication is more subtle and less verbal and you have learned what ties are slipping and doing bad things, advance your play.

and then

Play, communicate and learn. Advance your play....

The thread quickly went off into the weeds.One reaction was about the dangers of "breath play" and name dropping happened. Another reaction was "thanks for the information". When I tried to clarify the breath play issue, it went off into the weeds about my use of the phase "edge play".

I stopped sending things into the mailing list.

Meeting in Private

Yet again I read a thread about "first meeting in private". My read of it was that some woman was being bullied by some man to meet in private for the first time face to face. The replies by many was that this was a bad sign or a "red flag". Others however argued "why not?". I commented that there is risk to both people meeting like this with the man possibly getting a variety of criminal complaints filed such as assault, sexual assault, kidnapping, etc.The gender is really unimportant but male "top" and female "bottom" is the common situation.

At some point in the middle of the thread, some male started throwing around the term "fear mongering". He was discounting this issue. I wasn't happy reading his profile either. There is an educational disconnect from my read.

Yet again the issue boils down to communication, situational awareness and how good you are in judging people. If you can't read people and don't know them, stay away from private or highly controlled situations until you know them better or know their reputation better. Heck they could be telling you they are someone else that has a great repurtation and until you meet them, you will not know if they are actually that person!

Of course there are ways to mitigate meeting in private the first time. One was mentioned and nothing much said about using a "safe call". Another one I advocate is meeting with a common friend. There are other solutions.

The clueless and the predators are in the majority online.

Hand Waving with "Safe, Sane and Consensual

The phrase "I am Safe, Sane and Consensual" kills me. You are? Really? Prove it!

I read comments about SSC, RACK and other things. It almost seems like people are selling something with these comments.My read is "Play with me! If I mess you up, it will be your fault!"

If they are throwing out terms like "dom", "sub", "SSC", "consent" and other things without any form of real communication and understand of what each side needs and wants and doesn't want, it is a bad sign.

If you get this far in my blog, please read the blog entry "ABC's of Abuse and Kink" by Silverdreams.She is a good soul, a good friend and knows her stuff in the Boston BDSM scene.

My Care, My Concerns and People who are Important to Me!

My first concerns are about general trust and who I am playing with as a top. I have similar concerns about others who play as bottoms. The key element is the people who don't get it or our "out to get" something besides having kinky sexual fun. Silver dream has a wonderful post about these "don't understand" issues with her post "Running Standing Still".

I don't want to be accused of assault, sexual assault, rape and kidnap. I don't want to be at events where "minors" are present which in the state of Pennsylvania can be under the age of 21 or in the state of Ohio can be under the age of 19. I also don't want friends and new people hurt, raped, damaged permanently or killed by the posturing fools.

SSC: Safe Sane and Consensual

I see this term thrown around constantly like it is something that will make the world a better place. It is used as a reason for why good things will happen.

The thing is that the origin of this term has nothing to do with this. It is a slogan to explain to the mainstream that someone beating another person's bottom is "okay" in a sense. There isn't anything inherently wrong with enjoying or providing pain. There isn't any mental health issue or other issues. Check out this web page on the Leather Leadership Conference folks on "SSC".

RACK: Risk Aware Consensual Kink

This is another hand wave of sorts. I can't find a copy of the original posting but it is attributed to Gary Switch in various places and his comments can be found in various web sites such as this "Origin of RACK: RACK vs. SSC"

I appreciate the value of RACK. It is something to strive for but it isn't clear to me at all when someone has achieved the state of being ":Risk Aware".

I drive to work all the time doing more then 10 miles. I have no idea what level of risk I am taking by doing so. I am aware that the first and last mile have the higher risk factors, the more you drive has a higher risk factor, living away from a city has a higher risk factor and certain states have high risk factors. Spending time and energy to be aware of the current evolving understanding of those risks isn't going to stop me from driving. One can easily Google traffic stats and find this stuff.

PRICK: Personal Responsibility, Informed Consensual Kink

This is a term I subscribed to if I understand it correctly. I am not really trying to label things so deep diving into it is not something I have done seriously. It isn't clear who coined this term but it seems to have been around since 2009.

Some definitions of PRICK seem to be the same as RACK, one I found is "PRICK essentially encourages each participant to take responsibility for his/her own actions, as well as being informed (aware of) the risks involved."

In the end, I take responsibility to make sure what is happening with who I am playing with and more importanty myself! I don't play when I am upset and I stop play when things have gone in an unexpected and unclear direction where I am worried. Sometimes those unexpected directions are as simple as my not being able to "read" who I am playing with. I pull back.

Rope Bondage

Going back to that thread I was trying to be helpful on. Well, eventually someone said

Rope bondage is safe ....

This was in reaction to my expression that rope in my book is edge play. It was a muddled discussion since everyone had different definitions of "edge play" and had different definitions of "rope play". I stopped at that point.

I have no idea whether they were thinking about simple wrist ties and adding elements like water that make the rope swell, become tighter and impossible to untie without cutting. There was mention of suspensions and the like. Way too much hand waving all over the map for my taste.

Rope can be used in many many different ways. A ground position when moved to steps can cause the same effects as an inversion with the head down. Rope can be around the eyes, the mouth, the nose, the entire body and so forth causing a variety of risks. If a gag can become lethal with breathing problems, gag reflexes and with other things like vomiting, rope has even more risks.

Some resources on the web for consideration:

My Concerns

The safety yapping about "SSC", "RACK", "PRICK" and so on doesn't change the risk of people who don't get it, are abusers, haven't a clue or simply don't care. I worry about being mixed in with this chatter.

I have a solid background in renovations, mechanical systems, physics and other areas. I can size up a hard point pretty well in a short amount of time. If I am puzzled, you will see me doing things that may make no sense like walking to the side of a room and looking up or pounding on something to listen to it.

If I still have doubts, I will hang my suspension rig and then hang on it trying to bounce. This is the "big old boy" test. It is a imperfect and poor testing but can give significant clues about structural integrity. It will not tell if something else is happening that will invalidate things like someone moving furniture upstairs, train causing vibrations that comes by later, etc.

Another thing I do is look around at the surroundings, the people and try to keep vigilant. Everything is dynamic and if I don't understand something from my street wise smarts then I hold back and try to address it.

This is just the start. I haven't even gotten to the rope, who I am tying, how I am doing mentally and other aspects.

I filter through immediate risks pretty quickly in my head. I don't explain that thinking. I boil what could take 3 or more hours down to 10 minutes and keep some type of communication active during play. I am present in the scene with who I am playing with. If not, I don't play or stop playing.

The labels don't work for me. All I have is my efforts to be honest as I can be, balance my kinky needs that are risky against safety and work to be a positive contributing member of the community. I make mistakes. I own them.

Fun Get Together

2011-09-13T00:38:00.000-04:00

Like a bad movie in production for months, I ended up stepping in at work and undid edits, made new edits and other changes to get the product out of the door. Everyone was following my lead and upper management was blasting me with communication requests because of their angst. It was a total drain on me with 12 and longer hour days. When it was all done, I had done in about 2 weeks about 3 weeks worth of work and communication.

I took it easy for the next week. It was good since Raven had a bad cold and sure enough. I came down with the nasty bug too. Raven ended up doing well and I extended my time off from work. In the middle of this coughing and so on she was commenting about friends coming in from out of town. I wasn't really paying attention and she was off doing school work.

The weekend came, I was feeling better and head down to her place very late. Still weak but managing, the people start arriving. It was great. We chatted about kink, silly stuff like clitter glitter and other things until past 4AM.

The next day we took it easy. I don't have any idea when we awoke other then there was six naked bodies sleeping in one room in pairs. It made me smile. People were having fun talking, biting, kissing, licking, sucking, beating and other kinky stuff. This was all happening while I was mumbling about coffee, making it and trying to wake up.

I think later on I fell asleep in the middle of the floor. By time I awoke, it look like an adult toy shop had exploded over the place and people were talking and yapping. I don't quite remember what happened later on other then we mixed in more play, me doing some inverted suspensions, photography and diner.

Some pretty rope marks

Diner was good. I started with a "Patron Perfect:" margarita and everyone followed suit it seems. Raven tormented me by getting some ice cream desert which I am allergic too.

Somewhere past midnight, I took one person home so they could work. The next day, we chatted some more, did some more fun and said our goodbyes to everyone.

Raven and I headed to my place. By the end of the drive, I was a zombie and dreading Monday.

Play hard. Work hard.

Questions, Poly & D/s

2011-09-12T09:25:00.000-04:00

The plan was simple, I would in about two weeks take Friday off and have a long weekend spending it with a friend who I adored, loved playing with and had been talking to my other partners about.

Well in a short time, things got very complicated at work, at home and elsewhere. It happens. It is normal and comes with my life. The complexity hit early. For example, I got a surprise meeting invite a couple of hours before Raven needed to catch her flight to see her new lover. I suspected this would happen and was so happy Batty and Raven worked out the logistics of getting her to the Airport.

The next bump hit hard. I was working non-stop up to when I was suppose to take the next day off. Discussions started to happen about me working while on vacation. Ugh! As luck and politics would happen, things fizzled. Thank goodness.

At the same time, my friend's life had some twists and turns. When I woke up Friday, I took my time packing, doing some work, getting a haircut before hitting the road. I wouldn't see her for a while.

Face to Face

I had questions for her. I had been thinking about them for weeks. I was also doubting my grasp of reality. My heart was racing forward and I was trying to keep myself in check.

I have a long list of relationship screw ups and disasters. There is a huge range. Some are the ones related to ending a relationship, the lies said to avoid the truth like avoiding calls or "been busy". Some are the ones related to going too fast, coming across as too much, smothering and a list of other mistakes. Some are mistakes from simply lying to myself about who I am and trying to be something I am not.

I needed to see her, face to face, watch her eyes, her lips, her smile, her body and be touching her as we talked. There was no way I was going to do this in email or over the telephone where so much information is lost between two people.

The Questions

She found me at the hotel pool. I gave her a kiss without soaking her with a wet hug. I toweled off, put a shirt on with my wet shorts and we went off to the hotel room. I had to laugh since I ended up leaving a puddle in the elevator.

It was fantastic to see her. I stripped out my clothes and toweled off some more and then we cuddled and kissed. With me naked and her fully clothed, I said "I have some questions" and she replied "I do too". It made me smile.

I told her I was avoiding asking her one and she asked "Why?". Wow. Good question.

The mystery and hope that exists before asking a question is wonderful. It is part of my kink and intimacy to learn about someone non-verbally, learn about each other especially in a dominate/submissive context. Mmmmm the wonderful mystery, excitement and thrill.

Asking the question and getting the desired answer is wonderful. Getting the undesired answer or something else can pause things and require more pondering and new understanding. Either answer defines the relationship better but it is a shame to lose the mystery, the excitement and hope. The cool thing is that there is so much to learn and explore so it is time to ask away.

We talked about our relationships. We talked about the label "poly" and what happens in a group setting and when alone. We talked about schedules, communication and our crazy lives. We talked about sex, some kink and D/s stuff. We talked about the rest of the time we could spend together. It was fun to chat, answer each others questions, learn about the other as I slowly stripped her, kissing, cuddling, touching and caressing her.

Mmmmmmmmmmm love my new partner, rope slut, playmate and girl all rolled up in one. I am her slut and she is mine.

Looking for my "reset" button

2011-08-16T11:02:00.000-04:00

I do this every now and then. I look for a "reset" button or I long for some part of my past. I also do the "over there" the world must be better thinking or "the grass is greener on the other side".

The most recent time was at Rope Camp when I was kicking back trying to understand what the hell I was feeling and what was making me wish for something else. I didn't come up with a good tangible list then and I still haven't.

The thing is that when my brain finally starts working, it is clear that I can't go back. I can't be someone else. The grass is the same color on on the other side. Those emotional thoughts that I am struggling with are misleading me in hopes of finding a place that is more desirable then the emotional state I am struggling with.

Being Poly

Poly relationships, where one has friends who are much more then "just" friends requires work. It is the same amount of work as monogamous relationships, the big difference is that delaying discussions for months or years can't happen. Wants, needs, insecurities, jealousies and other emotions have to be communicated and tensions resolved. Given others are involved, those tensions have to be resolved now not later or relationships disintegrate.

I didn't enter the kinky world to be poly. I wasn't looking for lovers, friends with benefits and so on. I play with many people and a couple of women happen to enter my life at different times and they are both poly.

The cool benefit of poly relationships is working on my ability to understand and my ability to communicate. What I want out of a relationship and what my partners want out of a relationship can be totally different and complex.

As of late, there has been significant work in this area. I have multiple play partners and play with new people. I am also a flirt. The surprise for me was meeting someone fantastic, wonderful and so adorable for me in Washington DC.

The ripples and communication of this new relationship have been for the most part wonderful. I can't see anything but rainbows and blue sky except when I look at myself.

Comfort Zones, Frustration and Sullen Moods

Looking at myself has been storm clouds with lightning flashes.

I am constantly pushing myself out of my comfort zone in some aspect of my life whether it is doing impulse things like going with a brand new friend to the beach 9 hours away, going to NYC clubs with two people I met briefly and staying with them, changing my job to take on bigger challenges, jumping into the kink world or getting a weekend job as a white water raft guide. There are moments in all these situations where the context is new, scary but very containable and often results is immense pleasure.

At work I positioned myself into a new job effectively, a job that was significantly out of my comfort zone. I was pretty happy about it, who was involved and very excited. After a while, the organizational structure and priorities changed. It seemed I ended up in an awkward position of being one of the very few driving this particular agenda. I didn't mind.

The problem was that a warning bell was going off in my head. Something was wrong. I was struggling with understanding and working to communicate at the right time and in the right way against a background of politics and poor information flow. I was working hard to read between the lines, work the politics which I don't do well at and trying to figure out what was going on. I was frustrated and struggling to understand who was doing what.

I could see mistakes happening and blindness forging ahead. I am not the adept at manipulating others and often my frustration was flaring into anger or lingering negative angst feeling like a rat in a cage. What was this warning bell ringing in my head?

It seemed I was often in a dark mood, upset in some way and trying to be good for others by withdrawing. It taxed my poly relationships. I am amazed they put up with me. I feel bad about it and hope they understand.

At the start of July, I found out what the warning bell was and I also discovered a significant flaw in the communication given to me that I still can't fix. My boss was forced in a situation to appraise me and he doesn't give negative feedback constructive or otherwise. The appraisal was negative and painted up to look good. I knew what it meant given I worked as manager before. I have an additional political challenge to protect myself.

Rope Play

Flirting and playing with rope has been weird for me with this stuff hanging over my head. I was doing things like over analyzing things, fixated on hip harnesses and pulling back on playing.

By the end of rope camp, I was wanting that wild good feeling I had a while back. Where was it? I was thinking about a need for a "reset" but not sure what it was.

When traveling home, my thinking was that until I figured out this question, I should pull back from events and general play. I should focus on flirting, socializing, enjoying my loves and doing rope for practice or as part of sexual play.

For a brief moment I wanted to go to FetFest but stopped that plan. I will socialize at munches, do dates and have fun for now.

I need to pick a restaurant (I can be so picky) for a date with a woman I have been chatting with on FetLife. I want to learn about her and just hang out.

On Friday I go down to Washington DC and see this wonderful woman that makes me smile and my heart go crazy. New relationship energy is so cool.

I will figure this out.

Rope Camp 1.0

2011-08-13T12:46:00.000-04:00

This was the first year for Rope Camp. I could see people enjoying the event. The place is great. I think by the end of the event, we were one of the four small groups that used tents whereas most people used the cabins.

I ended up using Rope Camp to kick back and relax and have a mini-vacation. I enjoyed talking to people, my friends, skinny dipping in the pool repeatedly, enjoyed watching the water bondage scene and much other fun. I didn't really play.

Most of rope camp for me was being immersed in the world of rope and rope people, the D/s dynamics and kicking back trying to understand what the heck was going on in my head.

In my own way, I am outdoor enthusiast. It had been a long time since I had done any camping and enjoyed it to the max.

I did learn that hemp rope and humidity don't play nice together. At one point, I tried to find all my red jute rope in the dark and really wish I had pulled that off. Hard learned lessons for me are lessons I don't forget easily.

If you love rope, this is the East Coast event for you like Shibaricon or the major Bound in Boston events.

I wish the scheduling of classes had been adjusted better. For example, there were a few rope bottom's classes and they were scheduled at the same time. No doubt that will be tweaked for next year.

On the other hand, I doubt you can get *everything* Rope Camp 1.0 had: outdoor bondage, pool bondage, tied to a table and eaten off bondage, etc. This event had the same flexibility that rope has. Oh my goodness!

I have to do this again!

Floating World 2011

2011-08-13T12:23:00.000-04:00

I wasn't planning to go to Floating World this year and I was hoping to go to FetishCon to get a feel for a less kinky event that was geared toward models and photographers. My playmates vetoed that so the decision was made to go.

This was my first kink event after my marriage ended. My second kink related event if you include the instructional one that included my ex. I have been in the public kink scene across the United States for over two years now and have attended two Floating Worlds before.

Life has its way of giving twists and turns. As Floating World approached, I had to cancel one of my playmates attendance. The good news is that others, new friends, would be tagging along and sharing my hotel room with me and Raven.

Classes

For the most part I skipped classes, I went to several classes, two by Dov (his superglue class and his Hojojutsu rope class) and one by Mollena (a bottom's perspective class).

All three of them I enjoyed and learned things. They are both excellent presenters and I learned from both of them. I was pretty bouncy at one moment and regret at one point letting myself engage too much in Dov's class. I knew the people and had played with some of them and was less reserved. I will keep myself in check better.

The Hotel Room

This was amazing and so good. I enjoyed the hotel room energy, discussions and happenings as much as the event itself. At the start there was four of us, three women and me with a range of experiences and leanings. We picked up one women's pet and became five. The fun and the energy kept going. By the last night, we had six people in the room. All good, all positive souls and all fantastically good people.

I could name drop right and left but I don't like to do that. I don't need my ego stroked that way.

There as some misunderstanding during some needle play. I was saying "shhhh" not because of the TV but because the hotel room was in my name, I would be at risk of problems with the hotel and things were getting loud. We discussed this later. One has to remember that who pays for the bill is responsible for *everything* including criminal and civil charges.

Play space play

I did some rope play. It was pretty tame and part of the negotiations. One was done because I had caused nerve damage in the past with woman and we both wanted a good fun healing suspension. Two were done with a domme that enjoys a certain type of suspension play and associated play and a fourth one done with Raven.

I actually did two inversions with the domme. Both times the photographer appeared out of nowhere and started taking pictures. She did look good in the ropes and how she played in them. It wasn't anything fancy with my ropes.

It is unfortunate that scene interruptions happen.

During one scene, a friend asked about band-aids for the domme who was in my ropes pet. Huh? Apparently some safety monitor had gone off the deep end.

Another time, a safety monitor pushed on getting a mat under my suspension. They clearly don't have a clue about the engineering aspects of that mat and how worthless it is and that it isn't a real risk. The mats aren't used in other suspension frames just a few. Oh well.

The simple answer is to mitigate the issue, move forward and get back into the scene space.

Cell Phone Ban

For some reason, of all the events I attended, this event in the past was religious about banning cell phones. This year they removed the ban and treated us like adults. It was good since Floating World is a huge space and tracking down people is a challenge.

Walking outside, way beyond the play space and using your cell phone to check on things and communicate is something I do in many places. Last year I got harassed for doing this. It sucked. This year all was good!

Thank you Floating World.

I can't wait to see the pictures from the photographer and see my friends again.

TesFest

2011-08-13T11:44:00.000-04:00

Over July 4th weekend, Raven and I went to the TesFest event in northern New Jersey. It is part of the The Eulenspiegel Society (TES).

The entire hotel was taken over for this kink event. The concept is so amazing and cool. The pool area, the courtyard and most of the hallways were filled with kinky people for the most part dressed as they pleased.

I loved the ability to hang out in the bar and the courtyard, relaxing, chatting about kink and the rest of our lives and doing this with play and classes mixed in. It was fantastic.

For me the best part of the weekend was seeing old friends and learning new things about rope. It is getting harder and harder for me to learn new things about rope, the subtle nuances, at smaller regional events. I need to see more advance riggers do their thing. A class setting on more advance subjects really helps especially when it aligns with my current needs. At TesFest, two different classes did exactly that.

There were a few surprises. One was a unexpected fire evacuation order around midnight. It made me think about what I would do with an evacuation order and someone in ropes. Would I really need to cut them down quickly? Probably. It would be such a shame since I would probably be using rope I have many good memories about.

There was an NCSF auction. The purpose is to raise money for this hard working organization that helps with main stream media and has other benefits I didn't really want to bid on anything but NCSF is important. To help, I bid up and bid on the rope people who were auction off. It was fun, for a good purpose and got others in the mood to bid.

It was unfortunate that some compared their ending auction prices with the goofy good times auction prices we did for the rope people. It wasn't meant to place a value on anything. It was just for NCSF.

The riggers I bid on and won, I communicated that I ask them for answers to questions when the opportunity arises. I really didn't want to take an hour or their time or whatnot. It was just fun.

My girlfriend Raven surprised me when I was out of the room getting cash. I came back and her and friends were bidding up, pooling money and telling her that they would take the punishment given I set a bid limit when I left the room. It was fun crazy good energy. I loved it.

What Raven won was a single tail lesson. It gave me pause and I was a somewhat nervous since I know that it takes learning and practice and I am very focused on my rope.

Single Tail Lesson

It was a great single tail lesson. I really appreciated it. I needed to ask certain questions that I in the couple of classes I took on the subject weren't answered. It was a great help from an excellent and well known presenter.

We spent some time practicing technique. I still remember the lesson well and have to do more practicing. We transitioned to using the whip and slowly advancing like in fencing. It made me smile that I could use that knowledge. I have to work on that too.

Raven, being the wonderful willing woman that she is, volunteered for receiving the fun from the presenter and myself. It was a blast and she enjoyed it. Wow. My thanks to Raven and the personal lesson.

The Hotel Bar

The hotel bar area was a blast. The bartender rocked. She was great to talk with and at one point helped out with the Tea Party that was arranged. This isn't my kink. I just love to flirt, socialize and have the occasional drink.

Bars tend to be a place for me to connect when I am on the road for work and have to be "on" for communication and politics of work which can be easily a 12+ hour day when dinner is puled in.

In some cases, we would take our drinks and/or our food outside to the patio. The weather was fantastic. I can't recommend this event enough.

Vendors

I yet again spent too much money on the vendors at the Event. I couldn't resist. Oh well.

I love kinky toys. I love beautiful women wearing beautiful things. Purple Passion was there which was my first store to buy kinky things from. They are out of New York City. I haven't been to their place in the last couple of years but they apparently have totally renovated it.

One of the surprises with the vendors was that I thought they were only in one hallway. When I ventured down that hallway the next day, there was a sign indicating that around the bend, there were other vendors. Raven and I checked them out too.

Playing and Playspace

I don't know if it was me or not. The play space was ample and there were several fun special scenes that happened but I didn't see too many people playing.

I suspect that many people were playing in private given the inclusiveness of the hotel for kink. People could also play in the pool and in the courtyard.

Given I tend to enjoy playing in high energy play spaces, this was a let down in a way. My thinking is that I need to some how get beyond that need and just play.

On to the next event....

Shibaricon The Second Time

2011-06-13T01:08:00.000-04:00

I remember the last Shibaricon and how overwhelmed I was by it. I thought I was much better equipped mentally for the event. I had learned about the challenge of selecting classes and attending the popular ones. I knew the hotel. I was pretty comfortable this time playing in public around other more well known rope riggers. I was feeling pretty good about Shibaricon.

I forgot about the huge number of rope people attending, didn't know that almost half of them had never attended a Shibaricon and some of them were new to rope. I spend most of my time playing in scenes where either I am the only rigger or there is one or two other riggers around. When I do attend events that has multiple riggers, they are still the minority in attendance. Shibaricon has over 600 people with experienced riggers and experienced rope bottoms from around the world and I counted over 40 suspension points in just the main play room. It is mostly rope with some other types of play mixed in.

After the first Shibaricon, I learned I needed to rethink class selection and attendance. This time I learned that I needed to rethink arranging play dates, meeting people and scheduling play time. One can't just find people by walking around and the cell phone technology is useless since one can't have any tech around that may be able to take pictures or other recordings.

Off to Chicago

My two playmates and I had planned to go to Shibaricon. We would be traveling out a day early and I had picked up one of those car top carriers for the extra gear in my small car. Alas, events transpired that prevented one of my playmates attending. It was upsetting to me and put an emotional negative into the situation. If I could have done something for her, I would have stayed back. I was worried that things would turn for the worse. I crossed my fingers and hoped.

Instead of driving extra distance to pick up my second playmate, we headed out to Chicago taking our time. Got there around diner timer, discovered Chicago was 20 degrees colder because of a storm front. I hadn't packed for this weather.

We dropped off the luggage at the front door and I went and parked the car. We are pretty familiar with the hotel now. We got settled in our room and I think we ordered room service.

The next day we took our time, enjoyed ourselves by going to the Shedd Aquarium. I couldn't find where I parked the car since the notation I wrote down was worthless and I had entered the garage from a different point. In addition, Raven who had stayed back in the warmth found out the aquarium was closing. I went up and down the basement levels of the parking garage and finally found my car and manage to find Raven in the pickup traffic craziness in front of the building.

We went back to the hotel, ate something and went off to the meet and greet.

Meet and Greet

The meet and greet was great. I bumped into many people. Made introductions between people I knew. It was a blast.

The thing was that there was two people I wanted to meet and the room was huge. I worked it, went through the full circle of the room, stayed still and so on. Even though people had name tags and the like, I still didn't connect up with those two people. There was just too many people and many were doing exactly the same thing I was doing. Oh well I tried.

When it was over, we kicked back at the bar. Chatted with more people and eventually trundled off to bed. Classes started late but we did want to be 30 or so minutes early.

Social Butterfly Me

One of the things I don't comment on but spent a considerable amount of time was socializing with people. When I am not in one of my introvert moods, I enjoy meeting people, saying hello, asking how things are going and so on.

I learn things about the world this way. I learn about the people. I make new friends and reconnect with old friends. I was constantly doing this at Shibaricon.

In a sense, flirting and socializing is one of my kinks. I love the smiles I see and the warm greetings. The hugs are good too.

First Day of Classes

I talked with Raven about the first day of classes. We had decided to attend Zamil's classes but I was over-thinking things. My learning style and thought processes don't lend themselves to learning well in class settings. I have always been envious of those that do but it isn't in the cards for me. Some trainers I have met call my style of learning kinetic. I have to be doing something like bouncy a leg up an down to internalize things or be day dreaming in some way.

Well my lovely girlfriend, Raven, turned to me and said "focus on learning one thing". I loved that advice and it settled me.

Even though the class was suppose to start at 11:30AM, we showed up as we had learned last year early. We were there 30 minutes early and in 5 to 10 minutes, the class was full. I would guess it was full 25 minutes before the class was suppose to start.

Zamil's two back to back classes were great. He was on an elevated platform so we could see him, his rope bottom., his tying and his ties. He did things too fast at time but repeated things and my classmates asked him to repeat certain parts. He dealt well with the challenge of having almost 3 different perspectives by moving his model around and redoing ties or having the people doing the ties come up close for a moment. I loved it and learned few things. I surpassed my goal of learning one thing.

Alas the second session, I didn't do any rope work but just watched. I was sick from some sort of delayed allergy and was struggling. Raven wasn't doing well either. I still learned some things.

I skipped the last class session. I was still feeling ill. Raven went off to Midori's "Speed Negotiation" class. She came bouncing back to the hotel room and explained what she learned. I picked up a few things but continued to hide in the hotel room for a while.

First Play Night

We caught the end of the opening ceremonies after eating and went off and played.

This time around I was pretty aware of how to wait for a suspension rig after last Shibaricon, playing in numerous play spaces and the like. What I wasn't prepared for was the number of new to scene people who didn't understand how things worked.

Twice I was standing and waiting for equipment to use, looking around and seeing no one waiting. When the scene ended, someone would come over and say they were waiting. One was doing in a scene in the corner and another one was way off. Next year, I will push back on this silliness since the new people disappeared early.

In total, I think I was bumped off on the first night 5 times. It didn't happen the next set of nights.

Eventually we played and we had some fun. I wanted to play with the energy high but it died down quickly. I called it a night thinking about classes in the morning.
Of course, I was pretty excited when I went to bed and didn't sleep well. It happens.

Second Day of Classes

I skipped several sessions on Saturday. I attended Hedwig's "Sensing Rope" which was cool research type class. There was some academic aspects I wasn't comfortable with but the format was good. The good part is about the personal connection she experienced with rope. It aligned with mine but I think it is a small part of the rope world or at least my little part of the world.

I adored Midori's "Pink Japan Continued" class. She is an amazing presenter, very entertaining and insightful. The slide show about Japan S&M world, societal status and other informational tidbits was wonderful. It made me smile many times. My thanks to her for doing this class.

We went off to diner at some point and came back to Graydancer's Cabaret. A friend tweeted they had a killer headache and needed Alieve. I thought I had some in my bag but didn't. We found some and got it to her and then watched the show. It was great and funny. There is so much fun talent.

I think the best for me was the part done by Leon Monkeyfetish and Cherries Jubalee. They did this hot scene and he cut the rope! I know how expensive and personal hemp rope is. I knew mentally he was probably using some rope on the way out but still it made me crazy in a good way to see him intentionally cut the rope.

Saturday Play Night

Raven wasn't feeling good so I tucked her into the hotel room. We had been pretty smart about getting extra supplies including bath salts, wine, snacks and so on and had ordered room service one night giving us wine glasses.

I went off and found the woman we had agreed to a playdate with. She is wonderful, sexy and helpful rope bottom. We did some play but the hip harness wasn't working so I redid it and we played some more. The new version didn't fair much better but we were having fun.

At some point I realized that a playspace (DM) monitor was sitting in a chair next to my suspension. My first thought was that I was going to get interrupted like I have had happened in many play spaces. My second thought was he was just hanging out in a spot out of the way watching things. When the scene was done, he commented with a smile on his face "You two have played before?", I cracked a smile saying "Uh huh". All was good.

I went around looking for others to play with be my luck in running into them was horrible. After a while, I called it quits.

Sunday Bad Class Start

I went to two classes on Sunday.

The first one was unpleasant to say the least. The presenter started off saying the subject was wide ranging. Yep, I can understand that. He attempted to engage the class but his style was muddled. It happens. He may be having an off day or the class dynamics may not be good.

At some point, I tried to provide an answer. In a sense, he pounced on me for more details and I struggled with how to answer but then cut me off. I kept quiet after that. Later on another who didn't consider english their primary language but was pretty good started trying to communicate. He effectively rushed the person and shut them down.

The class was a bust. I am grateful for Shibaricon organizers asking for class reviews. I filled out my form and will probably steer away from this presenter in the future.

Sunday Remainder

The next class I attended was wonderful. I wish I had that class the previous year. I still learned things from it. Raven reminds me of that class when we play now. It makes me smile.

I would have gone to another class but I was tired and needed to recharge.

We ended up going out to diner to a steak house and had a wonderful time. The food was expensive but the company was fantastic. We got back late, I changed and went down to the play space.

I hung out for a while. I wasn't in the mood to do my normal look for someone to tie up routine and I didn't find anyone I knew to tie up. I watched some rope work and called it quit for night.

Last Day

We skipped the classes that day. Went to the closing ceremonies which were wonderful, fun and broke closure to the intense and draining weekend. After that we hung out in the hotel bar, connected up with people and slowly said goodbyes. I never like the good bye part.

It was good to see old friends and to make new ones. I didn't want to see them go but it happens. We hung around for a while and then went up to hide in the hotel room to be ready to leave early in the morning.

Kinko De Mayo

2011-06-12T00:31:00.000-04:00

I wrote this blog shortly after Kinko happened and then shelved it to make sure I would keep things positive.

I and my playmates went off to Kinko De Mayo organized by the hardworking souls of OhioSmart last weekend. This was the second time I was going to this event and I was so looking forward to it.

We stayed in a different hotel, I was very pleased with the hotel, the closeness and the parking. After checking in, we went off to register for the event, skipped the meet and greet and went to diner. Raven picked an excellent place for us to eat but I was a total ditz trying to drive and park with a major event, I think a ball game, happening and messing with parking.

After an excellent diner, ignoring my "foot in mouth" misread comment during diner, we went back to the hotel, got dressed and went off to play. The place was packed. They had like last time expanded the club into the club next door. I love the energy and the space.

After a short while, I did a rope scene with my sexy girlfriend and play partner. It was ground work. I am trying to balance my rope work, her ability to eel out of my ropes and avoiding joint and nerve damage. It takes me a while and I keep trying to approach the problem differently but it was fun. I think I managed to keep her in the ropes as long as it took me to tie her up.

We had discussed earlier me tormenting her while she tried to escape and I did some of that. It still makes me wickedly smile at how frustrated she gets when I do. I at least slowed her down with my new vibrator toy which she can't complain about as much compared to the sadistic play I do.

I went out after the scene, got water, relaxed and then came in to see Douglas Kent in the middle of a hot rope scene. He is the author of the "Complete Shabari" book series. The scene had more energy and physical movement dynamics then I normally do. It seems he shares my belief that the scene begins at or before the first touch or rope and ends after the last piece of rope is removed. It was fantastic to watch. I so wish I hadn't missed the start of the scene.

Eventually we left to get some sleep for classes the next day. I wish that had happened for me. I didn't sleep well so I was very groggy in the morning.

I went to Graydancer's Full Contact Dom class. It was fun. I got asked to help do a over the shoulder carrying chest harness on Lochai. It was fun to watch Graydancer have part of DoNotGoGently suspended from his chest harness and the other part of DoNotGoGently suspend from Locahi's chest harness. I loved the perspective and it gave me wonderful wicked ideas. I asked some who attended the class what they thought of it, they loved it.

The last class that I went to was Douglas Kent's class on advance "Takate Kote" or arm box tie. I had asked beforehand that one of my other beautiful play partners let them practice on them in class. Even though she is pregnant, she agreed. It was a blast.

For me, one of my problems has been that the little nuances of weaving done on box ties that make them so pretty was constantly escaping me. There were some little twists and turns missing. I learned them from that class. I missed some steps in other places and asked how they were done. I learned that too! Yay!

We also did some ground work. I knew how to lock off a leg tie as part of a frog tie but in that class I did it differently like he was teaching and it was so hot looking and took the same amount of time. Maybe even less if I get enough muscle memory in. Cool!!!!

We went back to the hotel. I was still pretty groggy and unhappy with my lack of sleep. We ordered room service. I have been burned by room service messing up but this worked out well. I commented when we checked out how pleased I was with the room service and the fact that they understood about food allergies. For one of my playmates, who carries EpiPens, this is a life threatening issue.

We got dressed and went off to play. I had a feeling that I would mess up in some way. My energy was low and I had a feeling I shouldn't be there. I had agreed to play dates and believed in doing that. We hung out for a while before doing anything.

A bunch of things happened, I look back on it and see that my "out of touch" and introverted side contributed to tensions that happened. Some of the people interested in playing weren't there. The one playdate I had agreed to wasn't in attendance even the second night. Either bad luck, bad timing or things beyond my comprehension were happening. It was weird.

The weirdness and my energy level seem to add to the confusion. After some of that was resolved, I did a hot wonderful scene. The world disappeared during that scene. I felt good.

I knew earlier that my sexy rope bottom from class had won a 1-on-1 session with Douglas Kent. She is a sweetie and had invited me to it. Near the end of the scene, I became aware that they were waiting to start.
Instead of my normal relaxed transition, I tried to do quick aftercare, rope coiling and toy bag grabbing.

The 1-on-1 session was fantastic. Alas other events transpired and I had to leave, first things first in all parts of life. You have to have your priorities straight.

Overall, it was a excellent fun erotic time. I was happy both my primary playmates were with me. I was happy to see old friends and other playmates. I wish I could have played more. I look forward to next year.

For now, I am looking forward to Shibaricon which is less then 2 weeks away! Yippee!

Pittsburgh GRUE

2011-05-10T08:13:00.000-04:00

Kinko De Mayo was this last weekend. I am trying to catch up.

DoNotGoGently organized the Pittsburgh GRUE. I have been to more then several GRUEs in other cities, some as far as San Diego. It was wonderful not having a concerns for travel, hotel and other logistics.

The meet and greet was done at a restaurant. When my friends and I arrived, we had a set of tables in a good area assigned apparently. It seemed like this would be good for communication and socializing and it was. It had been a long time since I had been this particular spot.

The next day was the GRUE. The sessions were great.

I was especially proud of my playmate and a friend. They organized a neko/kitty session and combined it with a little. I couldn't help but asking questions and learning. This is why GRUEs are so good.

Later, I went to a session on "BDSM and dance". I was stuck in a rope centric mind set with rope dancing. This made me think outside of the box and I learned about the improvisational impact dance. Another fantastic win!

At other groups I have started sessions on various subjects, this time I gave a shot at doing a suspension and talking about how to use it and play with the mind. It was a good learning experience. I got some suggestions from others such as setting up a second set of ropes and letting them fall into them as a wicked idea. Alas, I also learned that doing a advance rope work is very personal, very focused and too difficult to mentally share in a class or audience situation.

I can teach rope basics but mixing what I love to do kink wise with something more complex that is like work isn't me. I don't need to be known as a presenter. I don't need to work my kink. I just want to have hot sexy fun.

We did the closing circle. It is good to have positive energy spoken from the heart at this time. I think this was the first one for me where someone read from their phone something poetry like and composed earlier. It was entertaining but weird.

The play party was fun. It was split in two with the second part being at someone's lovely house. I did some floor work and slowed down my lovely playmate from escaping the second time. She is such a good eel about getting out of rope. After that, we were both tired and went home to her place.

In the morning, we went over and had Graydancer's cheap ass pancakes and did more socializing. It was enjoyable to meet, talk and say good bye to many good people.

Private Play at Momentum Con

2011-04-23T22:05:00.001-04:00

When I headed off to the Momentum conference, I had planned to bring along my ropes and toy bag like I normally do. I usually have to pare things down if I am taking a flight somewhere given weight limits. My fetish boots are 9 pounds themselves which is significant for a 50lb checked in bag weight limit. The good news is that I would be driving to the conference.

Play Opportunities

A few days before the conference, I was contacted about playing with someone at the conference with my ropes. I said sure since I knew the person asking and I trusted him. I didn't know the woman well who wanted to be tied. I don't do random scenes in private since I have to protect myself as much as they need to protect themselves. I didn't see them on Saturday much and on Sunday it didn't come together. This is normal. Things happen.

I didn't have any expectations of playing. I never do. It is like flirting. It just happens for me.

I do know that I don't want my play actions to be complicated by things like obligation, schedules, money or responsibilities at the moment. I have too much of that stuff in my life. I want to have fun like dancing. I also don't expect that stuff to influence whether someone play's with me.

There is one exception at the moment, I would do tying to get a hot picture out of it. No doubt that requires a makeup artist, a creative photographer and some work on my part. It is kinky work in a way.

Butt Plugs

Several of the vendors were selling butt plugs. I learn about things in different level of detail at different points. It just so happens I had arrived at the point where I was learning more about them and recognized that what I saw in front of me was a range of textures. It didn't occur to me at first. I looked at a frosted glass butt plug and thought it just looked different. What is the big deal?


Ten's pic of Crystal Delight Erotic Toy's vendor table

Ten Amorette happened to be with me and she commented on the frosted glass texture is different then smooth glass. This is when I looked and saw not only the shape but the texture is important. There is metal, smooth glass, frosted glass, smooth wood and others. I learned something new. Cool!

She was being her usual bouncy energetic self and was fawning over the plugs. I got my normal wicked playful grin.

I have to mention that she became a friend of mine in a round about way. I knew of her but never really said hello or crossed paths with her. I tend to stay away from people that are often surrounded by other people. I don't like to add to the crowd. It is part of my life experience with models, movie people and other well known people that I hate crowding them. I don't like it myself.

It turned out we had friends in common. WickedBlueGlow and MataLeao are her roomies. MataLeao throws some beautiful rope and I so wish I could do the same one day. Both of them are fantastic people to know in my life. My friendship with Ten Amorette came from that.

Getting back to my evil grin, I do random things for my own reasons. I know some of my reasons and other reasons have to do with stuff that has happened in my life. I decided to buy Ten that glass jeweled butt plug with one catch, she had to use it. I had bought enough stuff in my life in the past that just sat and never got worn or used. It is a sore spot to be around people who have hoarding behaviors.

My reward was the priceless joy in her face. It made me smile from ear to ear. I would be even happier later when she told me she was wearing it. She did in fact do that later and I guessed what it was doing to her which made me even more pleased.

At some point later, I am not sure when, I asked about some rope play. I really didn't want to associate the butt plug purchase with doing some rope play. Money bothers me. I have been around people that use it to play with people like toys when they have outgrown very early on normal toys. Ten said yes and I expected her to work to escape or "eel out".

Some Rope Play

When we did play, I did a chest harness on Ten and tried to lock her arms and wrists off well without risking damage to the wrist joints. The rope work looked pretty good and should keep up and down and side to side movement boxed.

Picture of Ten on Ten's phone by me.

I had her lie on the bed when that was done. We had some fun with her butt plug and the rope. It was hot fun. I took some pictures with her phone which she tweeted later.

I did some more rope work but on her legs. I have legs down pretty good at this point. Tied them up to her chest harness for a sexy hog tie. I got my top cookie by them with that floaty feeling. Sexy woman in ropes. Yay

I knew she would escape. The question is how and how quickly. I asked her to eel out. She get her arms out in no time. I didn't even seem to slow her down. I had to laugh and did. I really need to do more work and getting those hands tied better.

Thanks for the play time Ten!

More Play Time

I am definitely a predatory rope slut. I love to tie. Every now and then I meet someone that makes my heart flutter. When that happens, my emotional walls melt and I try to make new ones. I really don't want to cause hurt or be hurt.

I was talking to a friend of mine SilverDreams and another woman who I knew from twitter. She is a sweetie. I didn't know how sweet.

At some point later, we went off and did some rope play. I did a chest harness. Frog tied her legs with her cute bottom up in the air and tied the sides together so her legs were spread wide. Yep, a very beautiful thing. SilverDreams was being her delightful self. She can be a wicked co-top and was verbally expressing herself well.

I tried some nipple clamps on her but it was way too much. She was too sensitive at that moment, maybe next time.

I went over to my bag and grabbed my Hitachi Wand, plugged it in and had some more fun. The cute sexy rope bottom in ropes in a short time was begging for me to stop. After a while of my sensual fun with some feathers and my fingers, I untied her legs, cuddle some and then untied her more.

At this point I found myself melting in the cuddles and the good talk. It made me happy. Later on we cuddled some more downstairs. "S" is a good soul. I hoped to see her the next day but she had to leave.

I knew that wonderful glowing dazed look in her eyes from the play. I was worried about her dropping hard and was trying to contact her on and off on Sunday. We eventually connected but she wouldn't be coming back to the conference, she had too much going on.

Sunday night I got myself home through crazy weather including hail that covered the interstate. On Monday later I started to drop. I never understand why I can function through work with drop but when I switch off for the day it hits me brutally hard. It seems that on Tuesday my lovely new rope bottom friend and playmate was dropping. I wish I could have given her hugs.

Momentum Con

2011-04-18T08:35:00.000-04:00

Three weekends in a row of events, Chicago GRUE, Bound in Boston and now Momentum Con. The thing is that the first two events were kinky educational events with play. Momentum was a conference intended for sharing information. It's stated purpose was "Making Waves in Sexuality, Feminism and Relationships".

What gives? Why did I go? It is hard to explain. It has to do with the cultural bias in the United States with regards to sex. We seem to treat sex workers as lesser individuals. We seem to discourage women from looking attractive to avoid being victimized. In summary, it seems as though if there is sexual aspects, we become less then human. This is just wrong.

My hope was to get a feeling about how the US culture is being moved forward to lessen this problem. I am still processing what I learned but it was a fun time.

The conference was organized by Tess and Diva of TiedUpEvents. They did an amazing job but were extremely busy. I wish I could have spent some down time with them but it didn't exist. I will have to visit them when things are quiet.

I met old friends like @SilverDreams, @_Ten_, @The1Miss_Luna, @Princess_Kali, @CunningMinx and many others. I also met people I had been twittering with online for a while like @Spunquee and fantastic speakers like @ReadAboutSex. It was a blast.

The conference started with a Ice Cream social which was a blast. I couldn't eat the ice cream but there were wonderful chocolates and good people around. They did the opening remarks. There was good discussion about how a university at the last moment canceling a speaker who was requested by the intended audience for a conference about sex! It seems some people in the administration found her involvement in the sex industry a problem. For an open discourse on a subject such as sex, why would a real university do this?

If interested, Charlie Glickman did a post about it.

One of my first sessions was done by SilverDreams on "Traveling the Yellow Brick Road of Kink: How to Avoid The Flying Monkeys Along the Road to Oz". It was a fun class, she did well.

Some presenters didn't arrive so there was some confusion at least on my part about the schedule. I don't quite remember the rest of the sessions I went to and in what order.

I do remember walking into a session I was thinking was about kinky stuff that is what the schedule said. I was pondering the video projection and the seriousness of the presenter. I was expecting a friend to join me shortly and was getting worried with what I was seeing on the screen. Just as she walked in the door, the light bulb went off. The video that just finished was about a date rape. I was signaling my friend to go back out. She is a rape survivor and still triggers on it. I got up and grabbed her leaving the room. I didn't mean to be rude or anything, my personal priorities come first.

I went to another set of sessions and skipped some. I learned a bunch. At some point, some friends and me went off to diner and then came back to watch CineKink. It was a set of short movies. I enjoyed most of them. The second to last one however made me squirm. The first one was that I personally don't ever leave someone in rope bondage and leave. I will fake leaving but I don't leave. Violating that rule made me squirm. Breaking that rule and showing it being broken also made me thing about how it was "okay" if unknowing people did the same. Beyond that, it was good since it showed in a neat parallel way the fantasy one person was thinking about another person's day's activity with the reality. It was very well done.

The vendor's at the conference were also neat. I bought some things. I also spent some significnat time getting trying to understand butt plugs. The light bulb went on about the sensations. They were metal, glass, frosted glass, wood and other textures and shapes presented. It made me smile when I finally understand that aspect. I am still struggling with what does what part but I will learn.

A bunch of people apparently went off to a fun local event, I think it was called the Black and Red ball or something. I didn't attend. I needed to recover and sleep.

I had paid for the hotel till Monday morning so in the morning I didn't bother doing the rush crazy packing and check out while classes were happening. I enjoyed more classes and lunch with friends. I went to one more session in the afternoon.

I had done some play time the day before so I was checking in with one of my play partners worriedly. She wasn't there but seemed alright by text. I was shutting down somewhat so I skipped some sessions but went to a wonderful panel one. The panel was fantastic covering web media and things like the downside of the phrase "sex positive" which doesn't mean "go out and have sex" but "whatever your sexual preference including none is okay".

The closing ceremony was great. It made me smile, laugh and feel good. You can read about it and see it in other blogs such as Diva's.

.

Bound in Boston

2011-04-09T21:56:00.000-04:00

I kept hearing good things about Bound in Boston organized by RopeRider. The one gotcha is that it is a long drive from Pittsburgh to Boston. I wanted to do check out the educational event at least once.

Because of the drive, the plan was for me to pack the night before, head down to Raven's, sleep overnight at her place, grab Batty and head to Boston. We did exactly that. Showed at the hotel, relaxed and then went to the meet and greet.

The meet and greet was in a hotel room and the place was packed. We said hello to various people we knew and meet some new people. It was a good time. We didn't stay too long. We needed to recharge for the morning after the long drive.

We were staying at the hotel that the event was happening in. We grabbed our toy bags, go down the elevator to the main floor, wander around looking for the event and find out it was one flight up. It was amusing to find later on that if we simply walked past the elevators, we would be at the event.

First Day of Classes

The classes were fun. The first class was done by MataLeao and WickedBlueGlow. I wasn't sure I would be tying but in a short time, I was wrapping beautiful Raven up in rope trying to follow the instructions for the tie.

There were a bunch of other classes that followed suit. At some point, we needed to get lunch and opted out of ordering the lunches. Before the last class before lunch let out, we went down and got lunch in the hotel restaurant. Batty and I have allergies so this was a good move.

We went back and attended more classes. One of them was Tori's stapling class. It made me squirm some but it was a good thing to learn. Another one was Lauren's humiliation class. That one made me think and I needed to ask her a question after it was done. Humiliation play can go badly if you aren't really in touch with the person and have hit some bad trigger point. After talking to her, I decided it would be a while before I did any type of heavy play with humilation. I wasn't comfortable.

At some point, we called it a day and went back to our hotel room to kick back and relax. I wasn't that hungry but we needed to get food. Eventually we got all dressed up and headed out to a party we had been invited to and to look for food.

The Party

Off we went, I had tried to find local stores which we could pick up food that didn't have gluten in it. It didn't work out well. We kept drive closer and closer to the party.

Voila. There was a 7-Eleven store that looked well stock. I stayed in the car waiting in a no parking zone while Batty and Raven went off. They were pretty excited when they came back, apparently the store stocked lots of good gluten free food and other healthy goodies. We were back on track but running late.

I dropped Batty and Raven off at what looked like the entrance and went and parked. As I walked back it seemed to be a maze of interesting looking stairs and apartments. I got a bit confused but found the entrance. My jaw started to drop as soon as I entered the place. It was beautiful with high ceilings, very spacious, wonderful wood flooring and many windows. I was so envious.

Even though we were late, we seemed to be the early birds. We got a tour of the place and relaxed. More people arrived and I was wanting to play.

I started with Batty first and planned to do a somewhat brutal inverted suspension. It was yet another experiment in ropes. The load lines and the ties shifted some and I had to compensate. Eventually I had her down and sexy Batty was fighting rough with me. It gave me great joy to rub hemp rope across her naked body which made her drop.

The place was filling up as I tied up Raven in a hog tie. I really worked to cinch and tie her. When I thought I had her good and tight, I asked her to eel out. It took a few minutes longer then last time for her to get her hands free. She also defeated the chest harness which wasn't locked off in the front. Both were good learning lessons. She eventually worked the legs free too but with much greater difficulty.

I did another hog tie working the knots to be placed out of reach. Trying to keep those arms and wrists from wriggling free. I asked her to eel out and she didn't move. She was enjoying the feeling. My sweet sexy rope bottom. After a while, she started and did as well as before getting out. I have to rethink this.

We hung out for a while. There were other play happening. It was a good mix with a good set of people. We said our good nights, thanked our beautiful hostess and headed out.

Last Day

The last day of classes was weird for me. I couldn't figure out what was happening. I went to classes and didn't do any rope work. I eventually figured out that I must have eaten something a day or so earlier and I was getting weak, chilled and feverish from the allergic reaction.

The last class was done by P, it was an interesting tie around the chest. I liked it and will use it.

We went to the closing part of the event. I didn't win the silent auction for the glass double dildo I bid on. I was also struggling more. At some point, I was pretty stupid and thought I had offended a woman I know.

I needed to get out of there and back to the hotel room to chill. I closed my eyes while my playmates did other things and then we packed up and left for Pittsburgh. We got in around 6AM, dropped Batty off and then I went over to Raven's and slept.

Drop

A day or so later, I sent a private message to the woman apologizing for my behavior. She had no idea what I was talking about which was a relief.

I also started to struggle with drop and I was hiding even more. I could go to work and function but that was about it. By Wednesday I was out of it. Thank goodness since I was leaving on Friday morning for Washington DC.

Chicago GRUE

2011-04-04T23:17:00.000-04:00

The 2nd Chicago GRUE would be happening. It was being organized by CherriesJubalie, a rigger and a pro-domme and would be at a playspace that I had never been to but have heard of, the Studio. I also have the impression the Chicago kink scene was something wonderful to explore outside of Shibaricon. On top of those facts, I expected a wonderful set of people -- not sure why but I did.

The thing is that this would be a GRUE after doing 5 or 6 GRUEs in the last two years. I was on the fence about whether to go or not. Should I? My time is limited and I try to restrict myself to 2 events per month.

I also knew someone who I played with was going alone. I wanted her to have fun and she seems to enjoy rope in one of the many "top cookie" giving ways I like.

I finally decided at the last minute to go. Bought 3 tickets, got a hotel room and started working out the logistics of going. It seemed simple. I had some concerns about the hotel (a holiday inn), parking and the travel wear and tear on my playmates. I drag these two poor women around with me and sometimes they look at me with there eyes like "what the hell are you doing to us?"

Well we left late. Mostly my fault but still connected up with the woman we would be meeting. The hotel was a weird but pleasant surprise. It doesn't have a hotel entrance but has a conference center entrance making unloading luggage a pain. We worked it out and went through two sets of elevators to our room. The one sad piece of news is that my one playmate Batty couldn't make it. It would just be myself and Raven.

Meet and Greet

The hotel room I got would be shared between Raven, myself and the another play partner I knew (call her W for now). We spent some time relaxing before getting all clean and sexy. Spent a wonderful time at dinner in the hotel before heading out.

We headed out to the meet and greet at Cherries's and MonkeyFetish's home. I parked in some zoned parking space and asked later if they towed or not. Tickets I can deal with. I buzzed the door and like a total lady I could hear Cherrie's voice asking who it was. I said my name and she responded with style and in seeming recognition. I think she was just being the perfect hostess.

The place was fantastic. I was so envious. It is million times better then my basement apartment which I picked up for the cheap. Yep, I have been looking at nicer places but have to wait a couple of years.

Graydancer, DoNotGoGently and many others were there such as DerekDeSilva. My fan boy mind was in overdrive. Gray, DNG, Derek, Cherrie and MonkeyFetish are all excellent rope tops and kinky good people. I had to keep my giddiness in check.

The night was a fun blur. Good conversations all around. Raven, W and myself headed back to the hotel room. Eventually I went to sleep and slept deeply. I apparently slept through W waking up early, going down and out shopping and coming back. She was a sweet one going off later and getting coffee and non-dairy creamer for myself and ice mocha coffee for Raven.

The GRUE

The GRUE was a blast. The Studio was fantastic. Wow.

To be around good solid people who know themselves was fantastic. Sex positive, open and non-judgmental. I asked Raven if she enjoyed it, she said the conversations were great and commented on several. One was about poly. I said that I wish I had been in that conversation and asked her details. You can't be in two places at the same time.

Raven has been on this kick about sounding and I just find my penis running and hiding. She enjoyed the discussion Cherries did. I don't think my penis did, it kept crawling inside my body twitching. Raven the switch she is, enjoyed tormenting me on the way home when we left Chicago.

I am not sure which set of conversations I enjoyed the most. I just felt like I was on the same wave length. Don't put yourself in a box. Be real with yourself. Don't judge and so on. Oh well, it was good for me and that is all that I care about.

The Play Party

We said our goodbyes at the GRUE. Some of the folks wouldn't be returning to the play party because of another local event. Others were heading off to diner. We headed back to the hotel to relax and getting ready to play. I have no idea if I took a nap or not.

Raven decided she was going to skip the play party. She would order room service and relax. W and I went off to the play party.

When we arrived I was surprised and commented to DoNotGoGently about the small attendance. This was the first GRUE where the playspace wasn't opened to others that didn't attend the GRUE. It made it very relaxed and cozy.There was definitely more connectivity and relaxed comfort in the play space. I was amazed.

We had failed to find a place to get some fast food. It was cool that there were snacks and I could munch on something. After I a while I started setting up on some equipment and helped W unlace her corset. We went and played.

I find that when I play with the same people who enjoy rope, the connection gets deeper. The scene we had was definitely that. I was aware in a small way that other scenes were happening. I saw slices of Graydancer and DoNotGoGently scene. Wasn't sure what was happening since my focus was on my ropes and W in them. Time was stopping for me.

Near the end of the scene when I had her down from being suspended I became aware that Gray's scene was all over the place and getting closer to us. I moved us back some and continue to undo the ropes.

When the ropes were off, we moved off to couches for some aftercare. I needed this aftercare, I was worried that I had overstepped in my scene and was thinking I had lost a play partner. We talked. It was okay and I felt better. W is a good soul and a wonderfully sexy woman. I want her to stay in my life even though I am a kinky sadistic player.

Pancakes

We left, slept, packed up, checked out of the hotel and returned to the Studio for pancakes. It was good. At one point, there was a cuddle pile. Pictures were taken of the cuddle pile, I am still struggling with being out on the internet so I stepped out of the cuddle pile. I wish I could be more out.

We eventually said our goodbyes and headed back to Pittsburgh. The drive was long. I was so happy Raven was with me. I was struggling with drop I think.

Hard Drop

I don't know what was going on. I still don't understand the why. I struggled through Sunday night, Monday and Tuesday. Monday was harshest and most demanding since I had to deal with the first day of the work week.

It seems I had drop going on for the first time for at least two days. It was a mental downer. I was worried about my relationship with my girlfriend and was worried I had lost a friend. It was bad news and I was fumbling with things like forgetting cell phones and other things. I was a mess.

Sucky doubting struggling darkness....

I eventually snapped out of it. I had doubled and triple checked with Raven and W. I had talked to Batty. The sun eventually came out in my mind.

I now can look back and smile with wicked thoughts. It was an amazing good time. Thank you!

Winter Wickedness 2011

2011-02-26T11:35:00.000-05:00

I went off to Winter Wickedness done by AIS. There was some emotional baggage leftover from the last time related to the snow blizzard last time so I had decided that my playmates and I would go out a day early. The drive out was good but weird for the number of accidents we passed but nothing compared to the crazy one the last time. I felt good about this.

Before retiring for the night, two of us went to the bar. In a short time, the bartender had opened the discussion about the kink event and some men in the bar were asking questions. It was a good evening. My sexy playmate was enjoying the conversation too.

The next day we took our time, went to a wonderful steak house and enjoyed the day. We didn't do any sight seeing and I wish I had brought a swim suit to enjoy the pool. We registered and wandered around seeing the kinky souls and saying hello. I skipped doing the meet and greet functions. They never seem to be my style of connecting.

First Play Night

The theme that night was Mardi Gras. I had missed that detail and hadn't communicated it to my playmates. The theme worked well and there were very sexy custom attire being done. The cutest one for me was done by one of the women I put up in ropes. She had beads done everywhere and later she showed me how heavy just her bikini type top was.

The play party Friday night was a blast. They had one corner of the play room with some sort of steel scaffolding framing. I think I spent most of my time in that corner. It was right next to the floor mats for take down play. Between doing rope, watching rope and watching take down play, I was pretty content.

I think the big plus that night for me beyond having enjoyable rope scenes was meeting a new rope person. He was good. I lent him one of my climbing straps so he can avoid chewing up his ropes on the steel frame. I loved his style of ropes especially his blending of multiple colors.

Before going to sleep at something like 3AM, we looked over the class schedule and I was happy to find that I wasn't going to miss anything I really wanted to attend if I overslept. I can't remember what class I attended except for the last one. It is clear that I am pulling back from general BDSM classes at this point.

Rope Suspension Class

The last class had a description that was exacting about how many ropes to bring, their sizes and so on. Others commented on it to me, I wasn't sure what to make of that. I went to the class. After a short time, it was pretty clear to me that this class on Advance Suspension was well thought out, compressed and executed. Shibari Warrior did a wonderful job. He took an advance edge play class and solved some major time and safety issues.

He started the class by saying whoever wasn't involved should sit to the side and be quiet. This was great for me since I was just watching. He helped get some pairings done and then the first request was made. He asked for all the rope tying people to do a chest harness. He explained as I have seen in other classes before, it was to check a core rope skill. The core elements in a chest harness are part of what is needed for suspension.

One person was struggling in that area which was a good signal that the person should stay on the ground until he has that working much better. I watched my friend Nom who just broke his hand recently easily do a chest harness. I could see the frustration creep occasionally into his face from the lack of a fully working hand but I had to smile. He still tied even that way with style. I wish I had told him that.

The next part of the class is doing a Swiss seat hip harness. There are multiple ways to tie this and the first way I was taught this, I promptly forgot. It is a very solid tie and versions of it are used in rescue extraction situations for climbing and caving. Nom did a variation of it. Another rigger helped him figure out how to match the tie that Shibari Warrior did.

Shortly after that point Shibari Warrior singled me out to come over and be a spotter. This is the part that later makes perfect sense. We would do a two person fireman carry. I had my blonde moment where I did a over the shoulder fireman carry but finally clicked. We wouldn't be using the chest harness or weight transitions to get the suspension in but the two spotters would lift the rope bottom up to attach the Swiss seat hip harness to the load line. It was a blast.

When the task was done, we held the rope bottom again in the fireman carry as they were untied from the load line. I did this a second time and I thought I should get out of the way to allow others to engage. Class participation by many is a key thing with me. It has taken me a long time to get to that sort of thinking.

Since it was the last class of the day, it could run over and it did. I didn't stay around to the end. I did ponder about format and thought it was one of the best ways to do an advance rope concept such as suspension. The focus on two spotters for safety in the class and later when practicing is a good thing I believe and by skipping the two or three required transitions to get the rope bottom up in the air, the class time was compressed.

Last night

The last night was a blast. After the classes, people had been asking me if I would being going to AIS's COPE. I have gone to enough events that I am getting more selective it seems. I play enough that I don't really need to drive or fly some place, pay for a hotel room, fees and food for just playing. I need to learn so I can push boundaries and turn on my kinky mind in a deeper way.

I am not sure what my frame of mind was when the play party started. I was enjoying myself and taking in the scene I suppose.

I found myself at some point standing, trying to stay out of the way in a crowded floor space of scenes and enjoying what I was seeing. In one edge of the corner steel scaffolding a rigger was throwing ropes on one and then two bottoms. Seems he was working on a dual suspension and I was enjoying the multiple colored ropes he was doing for a barrel hip harness. At the same time, on the other edge another rigger was working on a frog tie for a partially suspended bottom. She was amazing to watch as she played. The energy coming from both scenes was great.

My kick was watching how the ropes were being done. I was learning. It made me wonder about not going to COPE. Maybe I should?

There really wasn't too many places to do suspension so I just enjoyed what I was seeing. I would wander around and then come back to watch. At some point I started doing suspensions again, one of them was with Batty Janice. It was a quick and harsh inverted suspension. She is a joy to tie. I could feel her lack of mobility in one of her arms so I was adapting to it. She was inverted with both arms out to the side and me enjoying tormenting her.

Some healing

One of the things that happened during Winter Wickedness is that I did a scene with a woman I hadn't played with in a long time. Relationships and other events had prevented us from playing again. It is understandable.

The thing that I didn't know I needed was removing the echo of our last scene together. I had gotten into a mental space that was messed up the last time we played and I had ended the scene quickly. My mind was in the wrong place and I shouldn't have been working it through with a play partner. I grew from that but I still felt bad about it. By having a wonderful scene and reconnecting with this play partner, I felt some healing from it.

On Sunday, we packed up, hit Starbucks and headed home. The roads were great and the weekend a wonderful lingering experience.

New to the scene... Some advice

2011-02-12T19:59:00.000-05:00

Winter Wickedness was a blast. I need to write about it. It was my second one and my third AIS event. I think it is safe to say I am no longer "new" to the public scene given this, going to multiple play spaces, going to many kinky events and having tied up more then a few men and women at this point.

BattyJanice flying in my ropes in a BDSM place space in Cleveland

One of the things I have not written about is being "new" to the scene. This really isn't my first alternate lifestyle so I have that as a perspective. I am also a talkative listening flirt and have meet many people. Combine those two with my talent of watching groups of people interact, I think I can comment on some solid generalities about entering the scene.

The first one is that the BDSM and other sexual scenes are gendered. I am not talking about sexual preference but the overall behavior of men and women in the United States.

For example, swinger clubs I know about allow women in to the club without issue and at discount. Men on the other hand are usually required to come partnered with a single woman and pay a higher price. There is motivation and protection behind this.

Women in the Scene

So... you are a woman, I can't say too much other then the younger you are, the more males will appear in person at scene or will be cluttering your online mailboxes. From complaints and observations, this means more "creepy males" or men who are clueless, short on communication skills and focused on their needs.

I don't have any solid advice at this point. In the BDSM world, it seems there is often an assumption by men that women are submissive.

Both aspects suck and I feel bad about it.

Men in the Scene

For the men, here is some recommendations for success.

Grooming, styling and looks. It doesn't matter if you are bald or whatever. Learn about grooming, learn about styling, pay money for a consultant if needed. Expend the effort to learn about how you look to others. There are two motivations, the first one is that it makes connecting with other people easier. The more important one is to increase the self-awareness of how one presents to others especially the ones you want to be with.

Along those lines, clothing is important. It is good to go ask about what people wear at meet-and-greets munches which are done in street clothes or dress up nicely in dark or black colors and go to a public event and see what people are wearing. Self awareness is important here to, there are a variety of styles and knowing what is part of your personality and will be comfortable or enjoy wearing is important.

My first few visits to play spaces and public events were a progression of clothing style. I wasn't trying to play or do anything just observed and I spent significant time looking at the clothing worn and the clothing sold by the vendors. I saw two different people at events wearing boots and moccasins that jumped out at me. I worked to be polite and careful about interrupting to ask them where they got the footwear from. Later, I purchased the boots I saw and love them and what they make me feel.

Most people telegraph through their words and actions some of their immediate goals. It is important to enter the scene with your mind communicating and connecting not your heart or hormones driving things. Pull back strongly on the desire to find a love or sex partner or any other goal beyond simply meeting people and learning about this alternate lifestyle. Focus on observing and learning, don't focus on sex or communicating about yourself. Work on learning, listening and ask questions that foster communication and connection.

If this doesn't make sense, try this: "Don't touch anyone or any toys without permission!". Yep, seeing sexy erotic women and hot scenes can really get your heart pumping. It doesn't matter if you are a dominant male or just think the woman who is talking to you is the most beautiful person in the world, resist the urge to touch without permission.

With the focus on observing and learning, it is important to keep a positive mind set. There will be things that are not understandable, very unappealing, upsetting or cause other negative emotions. If it happens in a class and continues, it isn't wrong or bad to quietly exit the room. If it happens in the play space, walk to some other place. Keep the feelings positive, understand that everyone has different kinks and respect their expression of them.

The last thing is that it is easy to be labeled "creepy" if you are a man. Work very hard to avoid it. If you are offering help, don't offer it with a hidden agenda. Keep it simple and honest like you would do at a professional work place.

A Year In Review & The Future

2011-01-02T14:51:00.000-05:00

It has been an challenging year with a variety of difficult and challenging gut twisting time periods and it has been a year of wonderful moments that linger in my soul for days if not months. I have been blessed with meeting and keeping wonderful new friends, helping those friends in need when I can and providing emotional support.

My personal low lights are emotional and very intangible.They were nothing compared to my friend's and lover's challenges. My simple need was to keep my connection to my kids now that I didn't see them everyday. This struggle hit very close to home by the start of the Thanksgiving and Christmas season.

The high lights are wonderful and make me smile. They are all over the place. My two playmates are doing much better, the bad luck seems to have slowed significantly. I got to help three wonderful people who have an amazing way with people and support others in sex positive causes.

Highlights

The most recent one was having fun at OhioSmart doing a bunch of rope suspensions. One was a suspension with BattyJanice wearing sexy boots. In the middle of the scene, someone started commenting and asking me questions leading to tying them which at some point I said "can we talk about this later?". I guessed they were new to the scene. Of course things got a bit complicated when the dungeon got crowded, I stopped doing play for a while and BrattyRopeKitty did too.

I had another scene to do and somewhere along the lines I had pointed the new person to BrattyRopeKitty and she asked before I started to help her. "Sure!" I said. She didn't really need much help. I could see the communication happening as the rope was going on. The only thing was when I saw the under the arms chest harness on the bottom, I expressed to the bottom and her if they have any breathing difficulties to express it early. I peeked a few times and totally smiled with the pretty barrel harness she did. In a short while, the bottom was up in the air! Wow.

Another highlight was my visit to New York City for the Sex Blogger's Calendar release party, it was excellent to see my friends and reconnect. It was fun to suspend BadBadGirl and co-top with SilverDreams. It was fun to reconnect with Graydancer, Princess Kali, DebauchedDiva, UrbanGypsy and others. I got a kick out of the "home for wayward girls" as I shared my room with 3 beautiful women. Emotionally, the long quiet conversation I had with SilverDreams one night was the best thing for me. We talked about D/s and the kink world and it helped immensely.

The final highlight is the discovery of a pattern for me which I don't know if it is true for others. I did a couple of rope scenes one night. One was with someone who I hadn't tied before and the other was the 3rd or 4th time I was tying her.With the repeat tying, I knew her reactions better and pushed much farther. She was a wonderful bratty rope bottom and I enjoyed it immensely as she submitted deeper to me. The more I play with someone that responds to me and my ropes, the more edgier the scene and the more I get my top cookies.

Looking Back

The process of looking back at what one has done has been helpful and hurtful for me. There are things I have done, understood at the time why I have done it, what lead to that situation and still find torment and self disgust in. I don't try to dwell on those moments but they are part of me forever.

I tried to focus on the recent history and the twists and turns that naturally happen as the world changes, events major and minor happen. I try to shine my crystal ball up at the same time and look at what clues exist in my life. Is the company I am with having problems or is the organization doing unexpected things that should make me consider another job? What are my colleagues doing with their professional lives with start ups, movement to and from other cities and their own struggles with their lives?

In my work, age is a factor. The stories told of success by 25, the median age being around 35 and the appeal that someone out of college can do things smarter and faster then someone eight years before make this an issue. It requires to be smarter and more political but I can do this.

As for what I want from relationships, my walls are still up. I spent years trying to save my last relationship, changing my behaviors and adapting my life style to suite my ex. I bent far to please her. I struggle with how single guys behave, how cheating guys behave, what some women seem to be seeking and my own emotional needs. The only answer I have at the moment is to have fun dating.

Moving onto the kinky world, well like many things in my life, it starts with one question and leads to others.

Early on when I finally had some money to spend outside of food, I started going hang gliding, going to the beach, going on road rallies and many other things. One of those things was going white water rafting, I enjoyed it and was decent at reading the river and understanding what happens with rafts, kayaks, canoes and other things. At some point, I asked "why am I paying for this?" and started working as a white water guide. It was fantastic to have fun, be miserable in the cold, scream and be scared and then cuddle up warm at the end of the day and receive a paycheck.

Alas, real bad days, injuries to others, civil suits and my own life changing events forced me to exit the white water rafting world. There are sorrows from this world such a talented and wonderful guide who took his life after breaking up with a local girl. I never really invested my self fully in it desiring to be a trip leader or other things. I will be returning to the pay-to-go world again but will never work professionally again.

Entry into the kink world was a soul searching process for me. It started when my ex signed us up for a two day rope intensive in New York City. I expected in the weeks leading to the event for her to cancel and told her so which made her dig her heels in to go. I enjoyed the weekend for what I learned and experienced in the class. It wasn't a surprise when a woman starting hitting on my ex who is beautiful, a natural dominant and conflicted. The rest of the time was a personal relationship mess, she was miserable with feeling ill, disgusted with me and my enjoyment of the class and was distancing herself quickly toward an online relationship.

Nothing in my electronic world was connected directly to kink for professional reasons. I wasn't even on the mailing list for the two day rope intensive. I had one exception which was an online game I played which had amazingly enough given me access to a good education about kink. When I signed up for it, it hadn't been my intent, it just happened.

After that weekend, I joined FetLife.com. I spent some time looking around with a blank profile, no profile picture or anything else. I thought long and hard about how much of myself I would put out online. I was quite aware of how the electronic world worked, how real one has to be, how to enter a lifestyle scene and how to be positive flirt. I had two questions, how far to dive in and how deep. I answered both those questions for myself.

I now have some new questions for myself.

The Future

Well as the song goes "The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades". My job is rocking in a new responsibilties of work which I have been striving for the last few years, it will challenge my skills at persistence, communication and creativity.

I have repeated at least one huge kink event, repeatedly visited multiple playspaces, have attended numerous classes and have gotten beyond my plateau with rope that I had this year. There has been drama small and large. There has been poly drama too in my life. I have come to recognize that the sexual element whether it relates to kink, poly, swingers or sex workers color things in dramatic tone and it is clearly influencing my behavior and make me pull back on certain things.

One of my new questions to myself about the kink world is from the observation that some kinksters seem to pull back from the public scene some lightly and some severely. They may be doing things only in their bedroom with their new partner or they may be going private, the public scene can be brutal like going to single bars in a way. The question is will I persist in the public scene for some time to come?

Except for economic reasons or some radical change in my thinking about relationships, I don't see myself leaving the public scene. I enjoy it too much even with the drama that some need to produce.

I do see some dark looking storm clouds on the horizon. I have been watching them and running away from them during the year, it is time to stand still and let them hit me or not. If the worst of these storm clouds hit, I will be jumping through hoops on other people's schedules. If those schedules collide with mine, I will lose non-refundable tickets and the like and will have to admit I can't fulfill commitments I made. For the time being, I will be honest and avoid those commitments.

For a while, I will try and plan things with the assumption that I can be required to be some place during the business week and being allowed to leave sometime near 5PM. In the worst case, I would be on the road by 6PM and have to be back on Sunday with hopefully a good night's rest. I am crossing my fingers that my plans for Chicago and Seattle will not be thwarted but I must expect them.

Wishes

I wish the best for everyone at the start of this new year and that they put out as much positive energy for the world as they can muster. Don't waste time projecting the negative, it will bite you in the ass. :-)

Change of Plans

2010-11-02T11:49:00.000-04:00

I was suppose to work late and get this project finished but my darling playmates said to come and play. I hadn't seen Batty in a while and missed her.

In a short while I left work, it was already 7 PM, headed home which is in the opposite direction of where I wanted to go to get my toy bag. My girlfriend asked for additional stuff, I started feeling like a pack animal. I got home, ate a snack and then headed back down. It took an hour or so to get there.

I picked up Batty and Raven, we went over to a bar. I really didn't want to go to a restaurant far away. We had a few drinks and munchies and talked about what was happening in our respective lives.

It had been a while since I tied up Batty and she made it clear with comments about where she didn't want to go with play. At one point, she commented about "knife and rope play" and she could cut me with the knife if I did anything. Given the crazy bad stuff in her life, I could totally understand.

I had this idea of doing a suspension. Yep that was my plan and I was bouncing between an inverted face up and a side suspension.

Raven and I showed Batty the new rope we had including MauiKink's coconut rope. I did some wrapping of it around her chest targeting rope across the nipples. She likes abrasion play combined with rope so that little move started her dropping. I unwrapped the rope while trying to hold her up.

We went downstairs to the basement. I pulled out the new black rope I had received and set up my suspension ring on the strap that is always there. Raven decided she wanted a second hard point. We all worked together to figure out a spot and get it set up. It was then time to play.

Batty looked good standing naked except in underwear. I had her put her hands behind her body. I could tell that things had changed significantly and just told her to keep her hands on the side. I proceeded to wrap hemp rope around her for a chest harness. I would do wraps around the waist including her forearms and then cinch them off.

Getting the wraps done was becoming a challenge. Batty was dropping fast. While she was partially bound I helped her down to her knees and then onto her stomach. I wiggled the remaining wraps under her knees and then up to her waist to finish the "penguin" chest harness. I then did a frog tie of each leg.

I was trying to pull her legs apart by connecting the frog ties to the chest harness. She called red on that -- too much pressure on her knees. Of course, I couldn't let this situation alone but I wasn't going to do anything painful.

I found out which knee was the weakest and lifted that side of her to get a rope tied under her body at the waist rope. I put her down and then ran the other end up between her legs and to the suspension ring. Oh the little laughs she has picked up. I made it tight raising her bottom some and then slipped a vibrator into the ropes. It was enjoyable to watch Batty laugh.

After a few minutes, I went to my bag and got a short piece of rope. I connected one end in a hair tie to Batty's hair and then the other end to her big toe and then pulled in the other big toe. I used the excess to wrap her feet together. She looked like a cute package that way.

She was in la la land. I pulled the floor mat that she was laying on around so the crotch rope was more aligned with the suspension ring. I then tighten that rope up. It was fun to wiggle and bounce the rope in a rhythmical way.

Somewhere in the middle of this fun, I looked up and Raven look great in some red rope. I never used that rope. I thought I needed longer rope at one point and had purchased 4 40ft ropes and 2 20ft ropes. 40ft is too long.

Raven had done a self suspension with hands free. I was happy for her but as a rope top I wanted to do that. When Batty was purring on the floor I asked her how it felt, she said the hip harness was pinching. Apparently one of the wraps that reversed direction had slipped down to the primary load point and was biting in. It is hard to see that when self tying.

I untied Batty slowly and checked on her. She was on the floor for a long time recovering. It was good to see her in this state. After a while, she decided to get up. I kept holding her as she worked herself up onto her knees and then up. Eventually she was okay and could stand against a wall. It made me smile.

We picked up the toys and headed upstairs. I had to get myself home.

I said my good nights, got about 5 minutes away from home when Raven called and checked on me. I told her where I was and she reminded me about hitting deer. I said good night and in a few minutes was home. I wish I could say I went to sleep immediately but I didn't. I was still feeling it. Another hour or so I went to sleep.

Internet, Gossip and the Outing of Alexa

2010-10-27T09:03:00.000-04:00

I wanted to finish my New York City Sex Blogger Calendar Release party blog entry but I didn't start this blog for a schedule, a history or other purposes. I created this blog to create clarity in my head and to possibly let others learn about the wider real world.

Over the last week or so, there has been a flurry of communication and blogs about outing a man who pretended for a long time to be a $1000 an hour escort, in a graduate program for sexual studies and who could tweet while having sex. One of the key issues with this outing is the predatory aspects of how this blog was used.

I have been trying to ignore things until Ten did her first blog entry. It hit an emotional echo. I keep rewriting my comment on her blog until I just finally deleted it and kept it very simple complementing her writing.

I am writing this to get some clarity and thinking for myself and to get help get some confused and angry thoughts out of myself.

Internet

The internet as a whole is wild, fragmented, helpful and dangerous. It can reach into your life in direct ways such as viruses and it can reach into your life by exposing things including private things. It can also enable your personal efforts to be seen by millions for the possible impact of improving the world. A poor analogy of the internet is it is like "living in a city with no windows and everything is on video tape forever".

Like any communication tool, the side effects of this world wide exposure can be diverse such as a trauma story resulting in thousands of dollars in donations to the ailing person or the opposite extreme of causing someone to lose their job, their family and and possibly their life. Because of this and some other reasons, law makers, organizations and individuals in countries around the world are struggling with how to control, how to expose more, how to hide more and so on. Here are some examples:

The list is fairly endless and the dynamics have been around for years and years.

Drama, Sex and Gossip

For years and years, long before the "internet" existed, normal people would get behind a keyboard and turn into something else. They could say things that they didn't believe in just for the shock or attention value. They could say things with passion that they would never say with someone in the same room with them. The disconnected nature of the communication caused whole new mental thinking.

I didn't understand the version of it called 'flaming' was only the less evil version of it. It is where someone is just passionate about something and true to themselves. The gossip version of this is more insidious and deadly.

I knew gossip and its impact. I worked at a private resort complex when I was a teenager. It had all the issues such as me being 'fresh meat' for the clients. Even back then I was a flirt and often went together with my other teenage female co-workers to places on our day off. What I didn't know was the other teenage male co-worker was jealous of this and the gossip being feed to him by other locals would come to a head. In this case, it was a nasty fight between him and me with the gossip lies spilling out of his mouth.

A few years later, after my life came crashing down on me in waves, I got into a better mental state and was working at a university as cheap labor. I had collected some new obsessive behaviors like always being in control of where I was going to sleep and I was struggling to understand my feelings toward men.

I was spending time with female co-workers and students and discovered the electronic gossip was much quicker, more emotional and nastier. It was a rude shock to have my personal life presented in this light to many. Worse yet was one of the graduate students I was spending time, left near the end of the year, the gossip and sexual attacks were too much.It hurt.

My efforts were to take myself off this radar screen. I would keep track of who the gossipy people were and stay away from them and their friends. I would avoid taking my female friends to common hang outs and so on.

Then another drama happen and I got slammed again.This time 100 times worse. By this time I had taken my sexual activities mostly off the communities radar screen. I had gotten into a more public and controlling world and was a bigger professional target. In this case, the "who was sleeping with who" didn't relate to me but others higher up the food chain. It eventually got resolved at significant cost to many and I was on the winning side if you could call it winning.

At this point in my life, I couldn't understand why people enjoyed daytime dramas. My life no matter what I did had drama.

Unmasking of Alexa

I have meet my fair share of predators and I have spent enough time with police and criminal attorneys to know I am in no rush to know some things. There are all sorts of predators including rapists, child rapists, etc.

The one thing I was forced to watch was a very smooth operator spend months chasing a good friend. I and other people told her he was just going to screw her and leave her. After spending months with him, she finally consented and the relationship evaporated after her fucked her.

It messes with my head that I am like him but have different goals. What makes me "okay"?

When I read about the unmasking of Alexa and other blogs like Ten's, I don't see a simple issue.

I see things like this guy will probably lose his job. He probably will not be stopped and will reappear. He messed up many people by his actions. The gossip and angst around this will be divisive and will bring people together at the same time.

I pray that the conclusion is correct and that the person who has been outed in this fashion is the right person.

Silver Lining

The good news is that Ten posted a follow up email from this the person being outed in her new blog before I finished this blog entry. One of the things I have to do professionally is read between the lines with emails.

His message mentions very casually after leading with details about a web hosting service about losing his job "I’ve already been fired from my job, and so now I have to find a way to get myself home." It contradicts with "... been on the road this weekend..." , catching up with things, sending email to Alexa, etc. He is playing the sympathy card and validating his name and activities.

It is very hard to get fired from a non-appointed government job. My concern that the wrong person was outed has evaporated.

I don't view the negative energy in the internet as a good thing. Maybe in this one case, it is good?

Off to Folsom Fringe, Folsom Street Fair & SF Citadel

2010-10-10T15:01:00.001-04:00

Raven and I went off to Sunnyvale California, part of the Silcon Valley region or San Francisco Bay Area for Folsom Fringe, Folsom Street Fair and other possible trouble.

We adjusted to the timezone travel and when Folsom Fringe registration open, we got out identifications and registered. There seemed to be discussions from multiple people about volunteering and hours while we waited our turn. I had some anxiety since I forgot a piece of paper I was suppose to bring but registration was a breeze.

They had little tags one could add under the badge holder. Raven added several. I picked one that said something like "Starts Trouble" or something. It made me smile.

I think that was the night we went out to a steak place. We went to diner with the good people from MauiKink, Graydancer and MinxGrrl. We had a good time and left the restaurant when it was close to empty. It was pretty full when we entered and I didn't even sense that we were lingering that long. By my standards, that is great conversation (and good drinks he he).

Folsom Fringe

The hotel and the way the event organizers used it lent itself to people bumping into each other. The second floor landing was used for vending and could be seen well for the three floors. The main floor had sitting areas, the hotel desk, NCSF and other booths and auctions. It was enjoyable just to hang out there between classes and have wonderful conversations.

I enjoyed the classes with the best for me being a class by Allena Gabosch from the Center for Sex Positive Culture on "Solo Poly". It filled in some information I needed in my continued journey to understand myself and made me think about some things from a different perspective.

The one challenge with Folsom Fringe was decoding and using the schedule. It was complicated and in pieces. I was constantly flipping through it trying to figure out what was happening between classes, non-class events and other things like the bus schedule to Folsom. On top of that class changes had occurred and it was confusing about where to find the current schedule. You had to wander around and check multiple places.

Folsom Fringe had a play party. I opted out of taking the extended hummer limo to it and driving. It wasn't my night for communicate well with Raven and I had failed to explain that was for us to get to and from the play party. We drove over, took our toy bags in and got a feel for the crowd and the play area.

After a short while, we went in and found a hard point for some rope play. I tried another side suspension harness and the chest part didn't work as well as I wanted it too. Somewhere in the middle of this, a DM asked me where my scissors were. "Umm, rescue hook on my belt and two pair in my toy bag". Raven said sweet things to make me feel better and then redid the chest harness to her liking and did a self suspension.

After that and putting away the rope stuff including my ring, we talked for a while. I don't know whether it was jet lag, fatigue, overwhelmed with information or whatnot but we both were starting to downward. Raven was cold and luckily the car had her coat. I got her coat then the toy bags and then we went back to the hotel. It was a good call.

The next day there were more classes. I found out Graydancer was teaching a class during a time when I wasn't planning taking any classes. I went and was happy I did since I learn a little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing for take down play. I needed to spend more time being educated before doing any more of that type of play.

SF Citadel

I think there was going to be a second play party for Folsom Fringe but it was canceled or something. We grabbed our stuff and drove the hour or so in light traffic to San Fran to the SF Citadel. I had been there before and wanted to join.

We showed up and the place was busy with people who had showed up for Folsom Street Fair. The normal membership joining process wasn't allowed that night. The place was packed.

I said hello to some people. Given there were two riggers who seemed very good using the available hard points and the place was overflowing with people, we didn't stay long. We wanted to get a feel for the place and will no doubt be back.

On the way out, we bumped into CunningMinx who produces Poly Weekly podcast. It was good to see her again.

We went home, talked on the way back, dealt with me foolishly making a left turn and getting a "no turn" ticket and eventually got home to the hotel room to curl up and cuddle. We needed our rest for tomorrow.

Folsom Street Fair

We had been asking questions about how to approach Folsom Street Fair as newbies. We got solid advice which we took to heart. The initial plan was to take the early bus, enjoy the fair and then take the early bus back. The subsequent plan was even better, go early, when the heat and the crowds form, take a break for an hour or two and then return.

We got up early and decided against the bus but to drive up ourselves. We could get water, snacks and had more room for gear and clothing. We stopped a couple of places for sun screen, morning snack, water and so on as we traveled north to San Francisco.

The traffic coming into San Francisco near Folsom Street was a mess since Folsom is a major road. With Raven's sharp eyes, we went around in circles toward the left and parked. We walked through the traffic being handled by police and then through the gates for Folsom where we paid a donation and got drink/entrance bands. We were still two blocks away from Folsom but one could see camera carrying folks, booths, important little things like ATM machines and a growing crowd of expressive folks like ourselves. Raven and I swapped taking pictures.

It was unusual to be in a place where half the people were taking pictures when the normal playspaces don't allow cameras, cellphones, etc. Raven got stopped a few times for her picture to be taken -- she was definitely looking hot.

I don't remember which booth we ended up beside. Raven got in and took a few pictures of a female top playing with a male bottom. The crowds were pretty thick around this booth. I had no doubt that later the crowd would much larger. We kept walking, meeting people and taking pictures.

I tweeted some of these pictures. Except for the sun beating down on us, we were having a good time. We stopped at Wicked Grounds, bumped into folks like Graydancer, MinxGrrl and Simon (I hope I didn't mess up his name).

The crowds and the sunshine beating down were starting to get to us. Raven took off her high heel boots and we looked for some place to stay in the shade.

This is where our plan went down hill. We didn't know of a place on Sunday close by where we could recharge and come back from. We went and got into the car, turn on the A/C and started driving. Raven feel asleep and my idea of going to the Fisherman Wharf backfired with heavy traffic and large volumes of people. After a while, we gave up and headed back south to Silcon Valley.

Another Play Party?

I had signed up for the 2nd day of the Edge's play party but I didn't hadn't kept track of when it was. When we got ourselves feed and back to the hotel room, I discovered it was finishing up in a couple of hours. I wanted to see friends and meet new people but Raven and I were both at the end of our energy. We didn't go anywhere and hung out together cuddling and talking.

The next day we took our time checking out of the hotel. We were taking a red eye flight back. This was a day of me making mistakes and Raven tolerating my errors.

We headed out to a Redwood Forest taking a road indicated by the GPS that was very twisty and narrow. It wasn't a fun ride for Raven and I was behaving not doing my technical driving. We had fun there. It was the first time to see a Redwood Forest and it was wonderful.

We headed back to the airport. I had this dumb idea that we could check in our car, get past security and eat. On the way, we stopped off at an Apple store and bought and iPad for the flight home. I had given up on using my laptop in the economy seats. She wanted to eat in Los Gatos, I should have listened.

We dropped off the car and headed into the airport. Airport baggage checkin for Delta didn't seem open and the restaurants were behind security. The only thing open on this side of security was Starbucks. We found a place to hang out, power up our laptops and for me to initialize the iPad. After a couple of hours, we checked our bags in and went looking for a place to eat.

It was a struggle and a learning experience. This was my second attempt at a red eye and I will never do it again nor fly back through Atlanta between California and Pittsburgh. At least I had wonderful tired memories of the weekend to hang onto.

In less then 48 hours after getting home, I would be heading off to the NYC Sex Blogger's Calender Release party.

Attending a New Event

2010-09-23T19:24:00.000-04:00

About a week ago, the realization came to me that I was going off to Folsom Fringe and then attending at the end of that event, the Folsom Street fair and would be a "newbie" to both. I wouldn't know many people other then presenters that I have had the pleasure of being in their class. I didn't know much about how the events would run other then what I read off the web. It caused me some anxiety but I quickly decided I would treat it like my first time entering the scene.

Being an Event Warrior

As someone I respect said recently, "be an event warrior". To quote him, Shibari Warrior:

Simply put, you need to become an Event Warrior. Bring the needed supplies of nourishment, clothing, watch and an ability to discern whats really important for you. Factor in time for sleep - nobody made you go 20 hours of classes, socializing and play, you decided that.

I am traveling with someone to both events so I had to pack wisely and augmented my clothing in case it would be cold. I also planned after I arrived to purchase water or whatnot as needed.

Expectations

I have been enjoying the local public scene and the east coast scene at events. I know people and can manage to start trouble especially the kind that I like. For this event, if I expect that sort of enjoyment, I will probably be disappointed.

So I am resetting my expectations to what I did when I first entered the public scene. By doing so, my disappointment will be not exist and I will enjoy myself much more. My goals are simple, attend classes so I can learn and enjoy meeting people both new and old. If some play time comes out of it, I consider that a bonus.

My friend and I have showed up a day early to let travel stress evaporate and put us into a mentally aware mindset. We struggled to sleep in this morning after arriving past 1AM East Coast time. It was good we put the "do not disturb" sign on the door and kept it there. We didn't need fresh linen or the added stress of organizing our stuff.

We went out and had lunch, walked around and came back. We have relaxed, read and surfed the web. In a few hours, the start of Folsom Fringe will occur in the form of registration and a meet and greet. I am looking forward to it with a big smile.

Full Dance Card

2010-09-14T01:04:00.000-04:00

What I like about rope is difficult to describe and keeps evolving. There are certain aspects I enjoy very much and other aspects I am working to avoid.

There are elements of play such as control, making the bottom look hot, the way the bottoms sounds, the movements happening in my ropes, the physical effort I have put into it and our communication that when combined together seem to make the world disappear. It doesn't matter whether it is me or a co-topping scene. I need the world to disappear and to be with this wonderful person who has agreed to be my rope toy.

It is somewhat of a shock to my system when someone enters my scene or I manage to expand my awareness and discover an audience. I really don't want to pay attention outside of the scene. It takes away my kink but I am forced from repeated history to try and check on what is happening around me. After I mentally stumble with this unexpected awareness, bad energy comes into me thinking some drama is about to unfold or that I somehow am triggering something I can't control.

This isn't the same as feeling, hearing or otherwise somehow sensing the flogging scene to my right, the fire play scene off in the corner generating fun noises or another wild scene behind me. I have a sense of space, those scenes around me and in some weird way the energy that is happening. When someone quietly asks me if it is okay to flog on the cross next to me, I look at them with I think a smile and say "no problem".

Ignoring the issues with public play, the thing that frustrates me the most at the moment is my own rope work when it is doing something I don't want it to do. I want my scenes to be much longer but my understanding of the body, my rope work and the person I am playing is an overflowing amount of information to understand and internalize. I tend to error on the side of winding down my scene if I don't understand.

Dance Card

In the two or so weeks before I traveled to Cleveland to go to First Friday at OhioSMART, I was in discussions about play dates. As the First Friday got closer and closer, I was asked if I could tie more and more people.

For a guy who had no idea how long his scenes took, did maybe one scene in public each time and had for a while stopped playing totally because of bad things happening, it was a concern that I would agree to tie 3 or more people in one night.
Could I tie more then 3 people in one night?

I had no idea whether I could. I actually had to look and see how long the dungeon was open, understand my travel plans to the dungeon and actually think about whether I should be doing a series of scenes. Would I stress out about how long I did a scene? Can I do more then two scenes? Was I being honest with myself about my needs and wants? Was I going to mess with my head space with some new twist?

Was I really going to struggle with my ropes, understanding who I was tying and what our connection was and try to do multiple scenes?

I had listened carefully and asked some questions at one of the "cheap ass pancakes" part of a Graydancer GRUE. The people in the conversation were pretty clear about staying away from a schedule -- doing scenes based on time slots and so forth. These were experienced people discussing the downsides of a schedule.

Warning bells were going off. I did as best as I could to be honest about my dance card. I hoped for the best and no hurt feelings.

Friday Night

It is like a two hour drive to go to the play space in Cleveland. There are times like when we drove to Winter Wickedness that I was a mess by the time we arrived. Normally I don't care about my mental state when I arrive some place, I snap on my game face and deal with things.

Alas for my expression of my positive self, if I am a stress ball, I can't play. It isn't fun. I don't connect but simply manage and control. I can go to work for that sort of expression.

As luck would have it, the roads were breeze to drive on and we had eaten a relaxed diner before we had headed out. We got the OhioSMART space early and kicked back while people showed up. It was perfect relaxed head space. I was ready to play.

As things worked out, I did several scenes. I found I needed to drink water and take a break between scenes. During that time tended to think about the scenes and whether my ropes and I had gone far enough, well enough or I had contorted a body not the way I wanted. Being in floaty top space didn't let those thoughts do too much.

I enjoyed all of the scenes. I wish I had been aggressive and no so timiedly tame in the first one. In one of the other scenes, I was surprised I didn't get a scream and discovered it is one of my "top" cookies I enjoy. The last scene I pushed pretty hard on her and was distracted when the DM asked me if she was okay. Even though I said yes, I had no idea by what standard I should have said that.

I so enjoyed myself. Yep, I was pretty damn selfish with these hot woman and the enjoyed the co-topping scene with a top that does knife play.

Aftercare

Part of me is a crazy demanding bad boy but the other part of me is a responsible caring adult, the adult part of me wants to know I didn't mess up. I need that. I need the hugs, the quiet whispered exchanges and to know from their eyes that we are good.

I was doubly thankful as the night ended that I crossed paths with people and chatted. I was coming down slowly and needed to make sure what I sensed was still true about the scenes.

My thanks to the dom that did some teaching to me about knife play. I need to buy a knife now!

DC GRUE

2010-09-03T10:48:00.001-04:00

After coming back from Floating World, running around dealing with day to day life and work, my friend and I headed off to the Washington DC GRUE.

Meet and Greet

We left mid-day and drove down to the hotel, checked in and went off to the meet and greet at a wonderful restaurant in Union Station called Thunder Grill. They had set up a long row of tables and it was overflowing with smiling facing chatting away. We sat down and ordered and talked to the people around us after saying hello and hugging the people we knew. It was a blast.

After a long fun dinner, we headed off to the hotel which was a few blocks away, got into our hotel room and cuddled with the alarm set to get our butts off to the Crucible Club before 9:30AM.

GRUE and Crucible

After checked in and got our wrists bands for attending, no photos and other little things resolved. We walked into the Crucible play space. It is a delightful large space with multiple levels and a side room. There were a variety of places to hang out and chat.

Upstairs people were gathering for the start of the GRUE. I had grabbed coffee on the lower level before heading up. I need my morning coffee and our attempt to get Starbucks had ended unsuccessfully at a closed shop.

Graydancer started the GRUE showing us the normal empty wall and indicating with a smile that the class list would be up shortly. As I had experienced in the past, it did. It was actually overflowing and very diverse.

A woman I meet the night before had expressed interest in a discussion session. I asked her if she was going to do it and she was unsure. I got a piece of paper and asked her to write the title of the class, put my scene name on it and put it up. When the discussion happened later that day, the normal open magic happened and there were many smiling faces in evidence during the session. I think she benefited from it. I sure did.

I was proud of my friend for organizing a rope bottom discussion. She rocks and did well. It behaved to some degree as expected with several doms in attendance including myself. I kept somewhat quiet but did participate since I had combined one of my discussions with this session.

The GRUE was extended by some time, I can't remember and then the closing circle happened. Yet again, it seemed like the wonderful good energy happened and many smiles abounded. It is one of the reasons I enjoy the GRUE.

Play party

My girl friend and I rushed off to shower and change so we can meet her friend's for dinner. She picked a wonderful place with great Thai food but inconsistent service. We chatted and then both couples headed off to the Crucible.

It was a shock to see cars and cars and cars all over the place. The clubs were busy and there was a major sports event nearby. The place was packed. The couple we were with found a space for us and we happily parked the car. Yay!

I grabbed my rope bag and walked off to the play party with my sexily dressed girlfriend. As we got close by, the place was hot with good looking sexy people! It made me smile, we entered and the Crucible looked totally different with the bright lights off, cool music and entertainment lights on. People were talking, laughing and sceneing. Of course, the scenes generated a fair share of whimpers, moans, groans and pleasurable erotic sounds.

After a while, I connected up with a wonderful woman and her boyfriend that I know from Pittsburgh. She suggested a co-topping scene with her boyfriend tied up. It was fun tying him up in a partial suspension and watching her play with him. The comment I loved best during the scene was about how she was more sadistic then him. I knew that would feed into the next scene.

The next scene was tying her up. In both scenes, I was doing a certain about of experiments with my ropes. I didn't quite like what happened with her hip harness and how it interacted with her arms as I suspended her totally off the floor. Meanwhile the boyfriend who had his nipples clamped by her earlier returned the favor. I soothingly told her that the pain subsides over time which it does.

The flip side is that taking off nipple clamps causes the blood to rush back in. It is a wicked amount of pain in a short amount of time. He removed them near the end of the rope scene with her arms still bound. Both of their reactions were wonderful.

I teased her a bit more with a finger tip circling a nipple occasionally as I unwound my ropes. The nipples are so sore and rubbing them is wicked after removing clamps that accidentally bumping into them is a mind play.

The "After" GRUE & Pancakes

I had paid for me and my girlfriend to stay at the Crucible after the play party as part of a "After GRUE" sleep over. Alas, I was crashing hard around 1AM and like my showers, we said our hellos and went to the hotel for some sleep.

In the morning, we listened to the fun things that happened later after we left. I wished I could have stayed but to do events one has to manage their sleep.

Graydancer's cheap ass pancakes and the rest of breakfast was great. Hit the spot with wonderful kinky company. People were in good although sleep deprived moods.

We stayed around and watched a Lew Ruben style suspension done by Graydancer on DoNotGoGently. It was hot and Cherry Coke took wonderful pics on her non-digital camera. Amazing fun stuff.

After noon at some point, my cute kitty girlfriend and I headed to the car and headed home. What a wonderful weekend.

My Bookend: Floating World 2010

2010-08-26T09:16:00.001-04:00

My cute and sexy playmate Raven and I returned from Floating World on Monday. The car ride back was 6 hours of road time plus about 2 hours of stops for food and the like. We had wonderful discussions on the way back.

The Ride Out

We talked about her feelings, what happened and compared them to what she was thinking and expecting on the ride out. The ride out was an anxious one for Raven. Her stomach was flipping, she wanted a degree of security in me and she was anxious she wouldn't fit in or something.

I was really proud of her during Floating World. She was making friends at a huge event. She got into more of her kitty side to the point where a Domme came up with huge smiles and asked if they could have kitty in their pony, puppy & kitty show. She had several play dates with an almost magical impact player, she rocked. Overall the glow in her face after crappy months with an unscheduled surgery was priceless to me.

My one regret of the event with Raven is that my dork level hit. I finished a rope scene and then proceeded to walk the perimeter of the event looking for her doing her impact play scene. Floating World is huge so I did various circles. Well it turned out they did the scene like 20 steps from my scene. My power of observation failed me, I was looking past them always.

My 1st Floating World

Floating world is a huge event. The classes cover many subjects touching on spiritualism, rope, knifes, impact, strap-ons, etc.

When I walked into Floating World last year, it was my first event. I was a complete dork but happy some people were wearing blue jeans. I made some mistakes like walking into the vendor's area before it was open and staying at a hotel in the next town over.

My first class last year had some title I don't remember but the real subject was "How not to be a Creepy Male". It was being taught by a rigger and had about 4 women (who were obvious fans), one guy and myself. I learned some things about attending events related to clothing and volunteering. I also learned some good things about shaving. The rest of the class I have known for years so I just smiled.

Between classes, I went to the vendor's area and started looking at leather clothing. I couldn't break down and buy a leather vest. It wasn't me. On the other hand, I was giddy as I went to Purple Passion (bought their stuff before) and bought my first pair of leather pants. Yay!

The rest of my 1st Floating World was a bit of a struggle. I was definitely intimidated and a bit lost ignoring the clothes and things. I walked into the playspace when it opened the first night and was overwhelmed by impact and fire play. The only rope I saw was done to spread eagle people on furniture, crosses or whatnot.

Where was the rope?

Two nights in a row, I left sometime before midnight. It was fun to meet people but I couldn't shake the feeling I was a misfit at this event. It was a harsh thought.

On the last night, I ended up have a bunch of unspent energy and stayed late. I was surprised. The riggers appeared and showed up doing a set of play across a frame designed and built by Shibari Warrior. It was a blast to see four simultaneous rope sessions in the same frame. I was very happy.

My Bookend

Going back the second time to Floating World was an anniversary of sorts. My divorce officially started a month earlier, I had come out to my father with a phone call during the event and I was very comfortable with the world I had dove head first into. There are moments were it seems bittersweet.

Like night and day, in this event I was rigging instead of watching. It was a blast attending classes, buying kitty ears & tails, buying single tail whips, flirting, teasing, playing and meeting people. I had a very good time.

At last years event, I had asked two different people where they had gotten their boots. The second person had told me about "New Rock" boots and a few months later, I purchased and received mine. There were cool and I wear them frequently. It was wonderful at this event to have them boot blacked. They looked good.

This year I stayed at one of the two main hotels. It was so cool to hang outside, go to the hotel bar or go up an elevator with kinky people. It was so easy to talk and be myself.

The only downside is I have some major catch up at work to do before I head down on Friday to the first DC GRUE which will be held at the Crucible.

Wonderful Friday night

2010-08-09T01:02:00.000-04:00

On the last Friday in July, I and one of my playmates went to the welcoming OhioSMART playspace in Cleveland. It was a members only party that it included voting on some proposed by-laws.

I wasn't certain about anything. My playmate that was with me was struggling with serious medical condition. Even though I really wanted to have some fun doing rope bondage, it would be totally stupid to tie her up. In the back of my mind, my real thinking was how fast I could drive to the desired hospital if she got into some serious pain.

The place was packed. I was instructed about some new rules about where suspensions could be done. At one point I was considering one of those old heavy metal teacher's desk for a possible hogtie. It was just a thought. I mentally waived it away since there was no way I was going to stress her torso and that is exactly what I wanted to do to her. Oh well.

I kicked back trying to not think and just enjoy the evening.

As has happened many times before, I enjoyed myself immensely by talking to the people in the scene. I enjoyed learning, listening and asking questions of others. It is helpful and allows me to be me much more then in some bar drinking.

At some point, I went off and did some violet wand play. I seemed to be getting better at it and I need to learn more about it and my playmate seemed to have thoroughly enjoyed herself.

I was pleasantly surprised to find out a later that my playmate had a possible date for fireplay. I hoped that it would work out and happen for her.

I went back to chatting away. Learning about places and people local and far. Commenting on sexy clothes, tattoos and asking about what people liked. If there isn't negative drama, the world seems to slow down and I get to enjoy it. One should smell the roses.

No Touch

I complimented a woman about being much wiser this time about taking her high heels off as she navigated the lawn between the parked cars and the benches by the water outside. She looked very cute and school girl like. She had on pig tails, short skirt and small little dress top.

She mentioned about changing outfits each time she comes and I said some about the "more outfits" the better. We talked about Kinko De Mayo and I joked about the some of the expenses I incurred buying clothing for my sexy playmates.

By this time a guy who had followed her out had bugged her enough that she had commented on his poking. We had gotten on the subject of rope and he poked her with a bundle of rope he had. I wanted to tell him off saying "no touching without permission" but didn't. She got more direct about telling him off. I don't know if it worked.

Surprise Rope Play

She said she was a total rope slut. I mentioned karada's and she commented she frequently wore them. That made me smile an evil grin and so I ventured asking about being suspended. She had asked another rigger if he could suspend but it hadn't happened yet.

Well like the playful fool I am, I offered to suspend her. It sort of surprised me that I did that since I had written off doing any rope. I felt good at that moment so it didn't seem like a bad idea.

She said yes to it. I was grinning by this time.

We walked inside with me asking her questions about how she felt, any breathing issues, any thing that was wrong, had she used the bathroom and eaten and so on. I was also smart enough to ask about allergies.

Air Play Time

I went to the first place which was allowed to suspend from and on the way asked the other rigger if he was using it. He has a comment about it wasn't his spot which I knew with a small wry grin. Alas, someone was single tailing close by and when I asked if I could use the space, he effectively said no. Oh well.

I went to the next place in a smaller room, got the ladder and my suspension ring up. I hadn't used this space before so I took care and moved things. I decided I had to redo my ring to get it more in the space.

She stripped and I did a box tie. She commented on the DM passing through looking closely. I didn't really understand what could be happening to cause concern.

I realized I had missed an important step to avoid nerve compression as I transition her to a partial suspension. I lifted her up and did a partial correction sliding my fingers under the rope on her arms. I hope it was enough.

In a seemingly short time, she was up in the air, hair pulled back with rope, blindfolded and I was having fun playing with her senses. I was whispering about how I enjoyed making her squeal at the start and she looked so adorable like this. I don't know how many people were in the room or not but I told her given she was blindfolded that many people were there.

I was suprised when the DM very softly and kindly entered into the scene and whispered into my ear. For a split second, I was thinking "oh no, now what". She whispered "closing in 10 minutes". Wow. It was late.

I quickly got her down onto her feet. She had mentioned something about kidnapping so I whispered while she had her arms still tied tight "I should just put you in the back of my car and take you home". It was an enjoyable scene.

Aftercare

I asked her how her arms and hands were doing. I had been checking by touch and much earlier had asked her how they felt. She had some tingling in one arm. She didn't seem to need much aftercare but I tried to keep my connection with her as I shoved ropes into my bag and took my suspension ring down.

I followed up later on fetlife.com and she was good. I was relieved. Nerve compression is a big deal.

The ride home for about 2 hours was funny and weird. I was high from the scene and my playmate was high from her fire scene. She was talking a mile a minute and I was deathly quiet. Oh what a good night.

Gushing and Squirting

2010-07-19T11:15:00.001-04:00

Bodies are amazing. They are so different in so many ways. Like faces, bodies are unique and different in their entirety.

Women bodies for me are delightful. Some women can bend like pretzels. Some can look at you with their eyes and make you melt with their smile. Some women are so smart and wickedly sexy, it isn't clear who is the cat and who is the mouse. Some women have voices that are magical. The list is endless.

Some women can squirt! Mmmmmmm

She doesn't just get wet but she gushes. Not only does that warm clamping vagina squeeze around a penis but then there is this sexy warm liquid that floods the shaft and the balls if gravity is in your favor. It is fantastic. It is amazing.

The ability can disappear because of things like sickness, dehydration, stress and other factors. When it returns, it is an excellent surprise like last night.

My kink does kick in to this fun. I tease about filling up a bucket tied to a chair cumming and cumming. I tease, play, touch, lick and fuck again and again for yet another and another orgasm enjoying yet another gush. Yum yum.

Life Continues Slowly

2010-07-18T16:17:00.000-04:00

As I have done before in the recent weeks, I went off to be with kinky people. I may think that in my mind but when I step back and really consider it, my need is to be with sex positive people. It is pretty simple.

Once and a while I venture with a comment that is more sexually open with co-workers but it fizzles quickly. It makes me doubt the side of me that is like that should exist. Having close friends and a girlfriend who are open this way doesn't erase the doubt. Going off to places and meeting sex positive souls does who are openly expressive does erase it.

At first going to munches was a big help providing for this need. I got to meet people and make connections. The last munch I went to sort of fizzled, the service sucked and I was in the bar getting drinks and listening to negative comments about some woman in the munch in the back room exposing herself. The negative energy in myself about the service I and my friends were receiving and the negative energy a the bar made unbalanced things too much.

I venture out more carefully now. I talk to good people and learn from them. At some point, I go off and explore.

Emotionally things have been difficult the last couple of months. I normally have a smile on my face, engage myself in conversations with new people and enjoy learning what they know. This has not been happening of late.

My emotions have made me withdraw. I go places and enjoy the conversations that occur with me and enjoy what happens for play. The energy to engage new people and play has been missing. My thoughts has been on my friends, my families and work and how I wish things were different.

Last Night

The good news is that I have some good news. I wish it was not matched with other bad news but it is still good news. I take what I can.

It gave me an uptick in my energy. I talked to new people. I did two rope suspensions. I enjoyed being at OhioSMART.

In both scenes, the world shrank in. All I knew was the ropes, the woman in them and me. I hit a range of emotions, frustrations with my ropes, pure glee with some of the mental games I played and the realization near the end of the scene that I was floating a bit. I love rigging.

At the end of the second scene, the music was high tempo and really messing with me. I was trying to resolve the spaghetti in my ropes and recoil them at the speed of the music. It was a goofy loopy time with many false starts.

The drive back home was weird. My girlfriend had played and she was very bouncy and talkative. I had played and was goofy quiet. My mind focused on driving, listening to her and the music. I really couldn't reply to her conversation but she didn't care. It made me smile.

I am playing again. I am making plans again. I don't know when the next piece of bad news will happen. I just have my hope.

When life goes crazy in a bad way

2010-06-27T13:42:00.002-04:00

My playmate Raven asked me if I was going to the Detroit GRUE, I had planned too but something in my gut told me that it was a bad move. Work after returning from the Boston GRUE was stressful and was touching on emotions and other things were not happening well. I canceled my plans without a clear reason.

Dark clouds

One of my professional aspects of my work is to know when to step back from a situation or provide assistance without providing leadership. At work, I was doing more and more of this with discomfort but it was a necessary fact of my life and was struggling to find peace with this thinking.

At the same time, life's twists and turns seem to be in a downward spiral for both of my playmates. I am not an "uber dom", many answers are unknown to me and I myself need help. It sucked to feel confused, frustrated, helpless and a range of emotions from crying to anger as I watched people I care about struggle.

Raven was struggling with some pain. I didn't think about it initially and offered her Advil as a help. After a few days, I agreed with her that she should see a doctor and so began the life challenge of dealing with the medical world. When tests came back, she was in horrible pain, all the tests were normal except for one thing, an enlarge spleen.

This was in parallel to the discovery she had skipped signing up for medical insurance so she could pay rent. Ugh.

Medical world & D/s

In the medical world, there are systems and medical hierarchy which are flawed. It is important for a patient to communicate what they know and it is important for doctors to listen. When things are undiagnosed, this mutual exchange is important.

Alas, expressing pain levels is problematic, doctors are loathed to overdo pain meds and it seems in this case, standard practices were exploited. The placebo used often is "if things get worse, go to the ER". I asked when she was told this "go to the ER" advice, what would that do? The answer was probably nothing and Raven didn't need the additional medical expenses.

There were several times, Raven asked me what to do. I didn't know the answers and told her so. All I could tell her is that she needed to express herself, ask questions, push for information and understand that the medical business was flawed.

I was her friend not her top or her dom in this situation. I was there to help as best I could and we would work together. I had no real influence except as her friend.

She had experience in the past her friends disappearing when things like this happened. I reassured her I was not going anywhere.

We got very careful with tests, Raven struggled to set up payment plans and make deals. I did the best I could to help and was grateful that a $3,000 CT scan turned into a much smaller number which I could put on a credit card. Oh this was an ordeal.

We got some advice from my other playmate, Batty and from some twitter friends. I appreciated it. I did my best to research things on the web.

In the midst of this, my other playmate's world was going to the dogs and her phone and internet service were failing. Losing contact with someone an hour away with this medical nightmare going on made things even more difficult and depressing.

After talking to her work it became clear that Raven could no longer work and she had long ago used up her sick days. Things were spinning down deeper and deeper.

Disaster with a Silver Lining

Even though Raven communicated to her doctor after another set of tests and appointment that she couldn't eat or drink, her pain meds hadn't been adjusted. She was losing weight fast, in constant horrible pain and was vomiting anything she ate including her pain pills.

We made the decision to go to the ER. This was all happening while I was trying to deal with work. Off we went on Friday and the ER room sucked. It broke my heart to leave her at the ER room after waiting for an hour but I had to. It is sad to say that things improved for her when she passed out in the ER room.

I came back and held her. I wish I could have said that this was a new experience for me but it wasn't. I have been in other ERs with other people I care deeply for.

She dry heaved a few times, her tongue was blotchy and yellow. I mentally went to that place I had gone many times before. I did my best to keep her clean, help her and soothe her.

They finally took her into one of the ER medical rooms, struggled to get an IV line into her dehydrated arm and draw the required blood they needed to get the line set up. After the saline solution drip into her quickly, they gave her some pain meds.

The clouds started to part their ugly blackness when her smile started to return, she could talk more easily and the ER doctor returned to talk with her. We had already done most of the tests so the ER didn't have to redo them. They were going to double her pain meds to solve the pain. After the ER doctor left, Raven explained that the admittance staff had discovered she had an existing insurance plan.

This was confirmed later.

She still can't work but at least she can eat and has less worries.

What's next?

It has been a week since the ER room, we got up early Saturday morning for another test and will ask about results on Monday. I have managed to catch up with work and have hope about other paper work.

The drama my ex introduced in the middle of this insanity with a accusations of doing "bad parenting" has had a smack of reality brought into the picture. Slowly my own mental well being is coming back to center.

I want to connect up with my other playmate and talk. Life is looking better but is still stormy. My fingers are crossed.

Shibaricon & Boston GRUE

2010-06-27T12:20:00.000-04:00

I have written but not published several blog posts. My life has been emotionally bumpy and I don't like to put negative energy out into the web. It doesn't help. It doesn't make the world a better place and above all, being negative is not the person I want to be.

The road to getting to Shibaricon had a variety of bumps. There were good and bad things happening in my life and with others I care for. The days right before Shibaricon were especially intense.

On the Road

It was good to finally have the car packed. In a way, I could step forward from the fact that one of my friends wasn't coming with us and that I didn't need to deal with the logistics of driving with a trailer behind me. Raven a nd I got in the car, stopped by the local convenience store for gas, drinks and small eats and started driving.

The trip went pretty well. We got into Chicago via the Skyway construction which weaved right and left. I enjoyed technical driving so I was pushing the lane shifts pretty quickly. It woke me up but made my sexy playmate sitting next to me queasy.

When we arrived at the hotel entrance, it was very busy. No obvious place to park to check in or obvious entrance to the parking garage. This is when using a bell hop is beneficial but also added to the confusion. He kept mentioning "second floor" and I kept thinking "what second floor?".

It turns out this is a convention style hotel and the hotel services such as front desk, bar, restaurant and access to other wings is on the second floor. I was given directions to the hotel parking lot. I dutifully followed those directions out onto the street and down and around to the parking garage. Parked on the floor with the entrance to the hotel and walked down to find my playmate, Raven, near the front desk.

I was pleasantly surprised with the front desk. I had two reservations and didn't want to change rooms near the end of the stay. I thought the hotel was sold out but that got fixed up quickly. They also moved our room to the executive wing where I discovered they have suites that aren't advertised on the web. Maybe next year?

We showed up a day early so we could get into the right mindset and enjoy Chicago. It was a very good move. The extra time helped relax us, get adjusted and do a small amount of socializing.

First Day of Shibaricon

The day before things started, we went to a Japanese garden, went to the "Weavers" dinner for a mini-munch meet up and got into a good state. We popped into the meet and greet but went off to the hotel room to settle in. Later, another guest we were expecting arrived and she settled in.

In the morning, we got up and went to classes. The first class I attended was Cherrie Jubalie's "Bondage for Boys" class. It was great and fitted in with my needs. I am not sure how well I did with the rest of the classes, it was hard to pick from so many rope classes and some got full quickly.

I think I skipped the last class. Don't really remember. I was still struggling with my own mental state.

That night was the first play party. I tried connecting someone up with a rigger I knew and respected to help good things happened. It is unclear why it didn't work out, I think that was the first and last time I will initiate introductions. Playing match maker, isn't my thing.

Play time was wonderful but intimidated me. I think when my jaw wasn't dropping, I was saying in my head "oh my" over and over. There were rooms filled with rope play. Not just a little here and there but overflowing.

The rope work being done was amazing in many places. Yep, I was intimidated and feeling like I couldn't tie a knot. My playmate and I settled down to watch MataLeao and WickedBlueGlow have a scene. Little did I know, the adjoining rig would also have a hot scene done by Mark_DV8House. If I had any doubts about seeing hot rope work, it was happening in stereo in front of my eyes. "Oh my!"

Between the stuff happening in my head and my intimidation level, I went from thinking "maybe" to "no way" would I do any rigging. I watched, walked around, talked and enjoyed the diversity of play and rope work.

Saturday

Ugh. We stayed and watched until some late night hour and then had to get up for classes at 9:30. We hustled through breakfast and made it to Midori's rope dance class. She is a fantastic presenter and rope dancing fits well with part of my play.

The day was sort of a blur with classes. I think we snuck off and took a nap at some point.

The key class for me which really helped with my head space was the one with Boss Bondage. It was titled "Suspension on the Larger Form". In my head, I had already figured out what he told me months ago. The rope bottoms you need to worry about are the ones that are too thin, too skinny and don't have enough fat in their joints to be stressed. He didn't say that but focused on the overuse of rope on the larger form.

To hear his words as he tied, to hear him comment on the rope size and to talk about rope suspension isn't suppose to be pleasant helped to reinforce in my heart what I already knew in my head. It was a big emotional help and significantly reduced my doubt.

That night, I went off to find a woman who I had met at the Leather Leadership Conference and have some play time. She was working as a dungeon monitor until midnight. Until then I went around socializing and watching rope work, my mind was getting used to the continuous presentation of rope work being done.

Negotiation 101 Part 2

The woman and I met up and spent some time finding a rig. I enjoyed tying her up into a partial suspension. I made a mistake and redid some rope work quickly but it was still fun. I got into my toppy rope space and was being wicked when I whispered her a question "do you like floggers?".

Ummm her answer taught me my negotiation skills are far from perfect. I work negotiations like I work an job interview. I ask open ended questions, watch the body language, listen to the answer and watch the eyes. I then refine the questions as I comprehend what I need to dig into further. I had missed a big opened ended question.

She said "I am allergic to horse and rabbit floggers." I blinked. My friends had encouraged me to buy the floggers and I am a total dork when it comes to medium to advanced impact play. I had no idea what my floggers were made out of. I recovered and moved forward. It was fun.

In a brief moment, I learned a good lesson.

Sunday

I think this was the day I had to be up and down in the class room to help as a volunteer. I managed to find coffee or something and help with setting up the class rooms.

Yet again a wonderful blur of excellent classes. I had stopped filling out the evaluation cards since the presenters I went to rocked. My old strategy of selecting classes was failing me and my newly adopted one failed me too. In most events, rope classes are few and far between. Shibaricon, is *all* rope classes.
I had picked two classes that were either too advance or too beginner for me. Next Shibaricon, the course descriptions are read closely to see if they fit me.

I walked by one of the class rooms during break and it was like a 1/4 filled. I wondered why and then realized that with fixed class sizes and popular presenters like the Two Knotty Boys, one may need to show up early. I got my stuff, talked to my playmate and got two seats. By 10 minutes of class start, they were shutting the doors and my jaw dropped saying "Wow".

The Two Knotty Boys class was fun and it was my first one. They do "Fusion" rope work with synthetic rope. They do more work with their rope so it looks prettier and because it is less "bitey" then hemp or jute. It isn't quite my style at the moment, I want fast fun rope that has a different bite. He he.

Last Play Night

During the afternoon, I walked by and was pleasantly surprised that my playmate was talking to Boss Bondage. I didn't interrupt and kept walking. Alas they were still talking when I needed something, I interrupted as politely as possible and got what I needed and left.

My playmate later commented about seeming subby when I had interrupted, I never thought of it that way. Being civil doesn't establish a pecking order in any way or define a D/s relationship, it is just being polite. Establishing dominance or pecking order is something I choose to engage in or ignore. It is simple.

She also commented that the talk she had with Boss Bondage addressed her trust issues with me. I have done many practice runs with my playmate and she has seen my ropes unravel or had to endure boredom as I tied and retied. Outside of rope, our relationship was pretty clear but inside of rope, it was very murky.

I had tried to suspend her many times before but she stopped it. I don't care if it is private play or public, calling stop or a safe word that is not part of play means stop. We had talked each time about why it had stopped and doubt had been creeping into my play. I wasn't sure what was wrong.

That was a wonderful night, the music rocked, the rope worked. I fully suspended her and enjoyed it immensely. Even putting away the rope was enjoyable. I felt totally dopey from the top space I had.

Monday Day

We went to more classes, enjoyed the evening activities and snuck in drinks and dinner somewhere. It was good to meet people at the end of the conference that I had been trying to catch up with.

During one of the classes, I wasn't in any mood to tie but Raven was. She had purchased some synthetic rope and went to work on tying me up in a class. I think this was the same class where scenes were combined and at that point I was using her rope on her and co-topping with 2 other tops. It made me laugh and was good fun.

The closing ceremony was fun. It felt good and helped transition from the rope world back to the normal world. Our guest caught a flight out and we packed up in the morning and headed back to Pittsburgh.

Boston GRUE Meet & Greet

Wednesday and Thursday I went to work and dealt with a blizzard of stuff. It was stressful.

My smile returned to my face when I picked up my other playmate, Batty Janice, early Friday morning and drove to Boston. We made good time until we hit Hartford Connecticut. The rush hour traffic was a killer with many minutes per agonizingly slow mile. Ugh.

We dropped off our stuff at the hotel and headed to the Meet and Greet. We showed up about an hour or so late. It was very noisy and hard to hear but we connected up with people. The kinky folks were mixed in with the vanilla folks so there was some hit and miss.

Boston GRUE

In the morning, things worked out well. We found the place and had fun. I was bit exhausted so I didn't do a class and faded away a few times to a quiet place. It was great to meet people.

There were many highlights. My other playmate had been struggling with some major bad energy and she got a reprieve from it. The GRUE format that Graydancer does work wells and I am thankful for it, his work, the organizers and the other tirelessly souls that do things in the GRUE. My playmate got some serious good energy and said so in the closing circle. Thank you.

One of my favorite presentations was done by RopeBoi on flagging. I had some big holes in my understanding and they were filled in. This is one of the reasons, I enjoy GRUEs.

GRUE Playnight

It was a fun playspace they had. I enjoyed it.

Apparently I got into greedy demanding rope top space pretty quickly. I didn't notice but I listened later to descriptions of my behavior. By suspending and playing with my playmate early, I apparently precluded her ability to play with another person. Maybe if I had held back, things would have been even better for her? I don't know.

I then had funny teasing, tormenting and tying GirlMouse. Oh that was fun. I felt so good.

GRUE End

After that fun, I think both myself and my playmate decided it was time to crash. We got back to the hotel room, curled up and went to sleep. We took our time checking out in the morning and heading back. It was a good time.

Little did I know that a shit storm was heading my way in the weeks to follow. I must have sensed it since I agreed early on to cancel going to the Detroit GRUE. These two sets of memories helped me in the weeks to follow.

Plateau

2010-05-16T16:41:00.001-04:00

It has been a challenging month or so. My enjoyment and skill of tying rope has hit some major bumps. Last night I so desperately wanted that fun playful erotic rope energy to appear in myself and was frustrated it didn't happen.

I did a scene with a beautiful woman. I wanted us to both have a wonderful high from it. Alas, the rope wasn't flowing from my hands and I was fighting with my technical understanding of it on this woman's body. I went so far as to redo completely the chest harness and still it was wrong somehow.

Doubt is amazingly destructive thing. What was wrong and why didn't that ability to adapt my rope play come out of me?

Maybe I was being too goal oriented? Maybe I was being stupid somehow and making a mistake? What was going on?

My belief is that I have hit a plateau. My mind and skills were not where they should have been. I can rationalize why things happened in many different ways. It wasn't her at all. She was in wonderful state. Very yummy and sexy, oh I wanted that high.

With her permission, I started tying her up again. I was going to forget things and try to get the energy to flow just doing some teasing playful tying. Unfortunately, it got interrupted by someone important to me. I hurriedly explain I had to run off and did so.

Today my thoughts about it and many others things are colliding and swirling in my mind. I wish I knew what I should do as small little aches are felt in my body from an injury as I type this blog entry.

My study of rope and private play came to a stop for more then a few weeks because of work demands, dealing with normal stuff demands and a hurt left arm. My emotions are conflicted from close friend's having difficulty, working to keep connections with my family as I struggle through my divorce, working to keep my new relationships healthy and the normal distractions of job stress, paperwork and paying bills.

Shibaricon is less then 2 weeks away. What happened is bouncing around in my head like a ugly reminder.

I know it is temporary. I have hit plateaus before. I get writers block in my job and eventually work through it. I used to do competitive swimming and would hit the same times over and over until I learned improve a dive, a flip or a stroke. Alas, some plateaus such as the final one with swimming can't be exceeded and reality sinks in.

I wish I could relax and focus on rope in the remaining days leading to Shibaricon but work takes priority. Damn.

San Diego GRUE

2010-02-14T11:45:00.003-05:00

In the fall last year, when I drove to work in the morning I would listen to Graydancer's podcasts or ropecasts he has done over the years. His podcasts talk about many wonderful things, interesting people and interview many people. He also talked about GRUEs or Graydancer's Ropetastic Unconference Extravaganza.

There was a certain amount of kindred spirit and respect that I could hear in his voice at times in his podcasts. In my fan boy way, I have remember those times and have been very curious about the targets of that respect.

3,000 mile Travel to a GRUE? Really?

I found out about the San Diego GRUE last year sometime. I am not sure of the how. I may have been thread stalking a rigger on FetLife. My interest really peaked when I saw a name that I heard in the Ropecast, "DemonSix" but I was confused. I thought it was a group not a person.

In any case, the idea at the time I had was my classic silly one of driving to California. I have done it before. Last time, I did it in a little more then 2 days.

I wasn't serious about doing it alone.

After attending the Connecticut GRUE, my seriousness changed. I wanted to go to another GRUE and I wanted to meet DemonSix. I was booking many weeks ahead of time so I knew the ticket wouldn't be expensive.

I did the registration, worked with the SDGRUE people and booked my flight, hotel and car.

Wow. I am going to the San Diego GRUE and it didn't cost me an arm and a leg. Fantastic!

Getting to the GRUE...

Well getting ready for the GRUE and getting there sucked. It is that time of year. It always sucks between middle of November until middle of January and has been this way since I was 16 or so and stopped living at home. This time was no different.

I was dealing with IRS Tax Court, Family Court, death, family issues and sickness. I manage. I dealt. I got my act together, packed, put on my happy face and started the trip through the cold and craziness of travel that I do enough of. I normally travel to northern California, not southern.

When I arrived in San Diego, the sun, warm weather, bay view, happy tweets and so on had cleared the crap away. Life was good. The drive to the hotel short.

It was a bit confusing where it was as I drove around and then I decided to find a inexpensive parking place. There was a nice one the next block over in a parking garage. I unloaded my 5 bags and headed to the hotel.

GRUE Hotel and Meet & Greet

This place rocked. The room was small. The wireless only in the lobby. It still was fantastic. The room decor, restaurant, walking distance to everything and much much more. Definitely will do that hotel again. Yum yum.

I unpacked. Got myself all dressed up and walked to the meet and greet. Yet again another fantastic bunch of people. I think we overfilled the room. Loved it.

It was one of those fixed 18% gratuity places so the service was overwhelmed and poor. If I was there for the restaurant, I would have been upset. The drinks flowed and the conversation was great! It was only a downer when one needed to leave the conversation to get a refill.

One or more times in the meet and greet, some GRUE logistics came up. Graydancer was organizing things with the SDGRUE people and communicating things out. He encourage people to show up on time or bet yet early. The start was important.

The subject of coffee came up. I had to have my coffee in the morning and others did too. Someone was offering to do a discounted Starbucks run. Neat. There is enough complications so I walked over to the wonderful lady who I just met and gave her one of my credit cards. She could charge it to me and do the hard work of bringing it to the GRUE. It was the least I could do.

The GRUE

The GRUE or Graydancer's Ropetastic Unconference Extravaganza was so hard to describe. This was my second one and yet again it had this impossible to describe positive renewing energy to it.

Graydancer and Lady Octavia did their normal fantastic way of helping the DemonSix Group and Dungeon Servitus run the conference. I don't know how it works behind the scenes -- I just know it is work.

I used the "law of two feet" twice during the conference. I drifted from one thing to another once and then avoided a session on breath play (it is a hard limit for me as a top and a bottom). I learned much again including doping a session on "likes and dislikes of public play spaces".

The people I meet last night and during the GRUE are simply amazing. I continue to be impressed and happy I know them.

Special Surprise

I am primarily a rope nut as my kink and know enough about rope and Shibari or Kinbaku to know I don't know much. It is an sexual art and connection with tight bindings of rope around a bottom. There are many who say they have mastery but the few who are experts or mastery don't brag.

The surprise was that Daemon Six group had invited Master K down to San Diego and those that wanted to could have dinner and later a meet with him. Master K has been studying the art for years. I attended both and enjoyed the conversation. Wow. The fan boy in me really was annoyed I didn't pack his copy of the "The Beauty of Kinbaku". The memories were worth it.

Thank you DemonSix Group for the surprise!

Play Party

I had a wonderful time at the play party. For me, rope is establishing a connection. I want the rope to adapt to me, my playmate, our moods and the environment. The challenge and the results make me smile.

My type of rope play happened with a wonderful girl I met. She got permission from her owner. I did a chest harness on her as part of sharing my love of rope and teach what little I know. I didn't know she was part of a larger leather family. It made me smile when her leather family helped in the fun.

I apologized to her Ms. later for any errors on my part. She indicated things were good. I really don't like to cause drama or disrespect from my own ignorance.

For the rest of the play party, I enjoyed watching and learning. Some wonderful rope work was done. Sexy corset. Hog tie race between two man and a woman and I as I expected the very limber woman won. Some suspensions and other kinky play. There were other forms of play but be the rope crazy nut, I didn't focus my much on it.

Sunday morning & Graydancer's "cheap ass pancakes"

I woke up 2 or so hours before checkout and hauled ass getting coffee into me, showering, shaving, taming my digestive system and packing. I checked out of the hotel with my 2 large bags, backpack and carryon bag. Life was good.

I walked a block or so to the parking garage and "oh shit!". The parking garage with my rental was locked up! Oh my! Now what?

I walked around with bags in hand looking for an alternate entrance. There was none.
I was upset with myself and feeling stupid. Needed to think this through and my damn Blackberry Storm phone was acting dead again.

There was a glass entry way with a contact telephone number. I was going to call when I saw a security guard. He waved me to stay. We chatted briefly. It isn't an uncommon story it seems what I did. He asked me if I paid and he explained it was my lucky day -- I would skip paying. I thanked him and walked to my car and then drove it out through the sensor door into daylight. Thank goodness.

In a short moment I was at the place for the pancakes. It seems I was early even though other people had caught the "shuttle" that morning. It didn't matter. I was happy.

Post-GRUE Thinking

For me, the house that would shortly have boxed pancakes sizzling on a wide flat grill was peaceful. It surprised me. My flight was at dinner time so there was no rush but there was something else.

The large screen TV was showing some Shibari work by I think Osada Steve. As I said, I have much to learn about rope, who is who and so on. It was interesting to watch but I couldn't digest it so I paid attention to others.

It puzzled me to why I was feeling this way. Yes, I had a wonderful time and was coming down from playing last night. Yes, I was happy to be in warm San Diego instead of freezing cold Pittsburgh. Yes, I was happy I was in no rush and just kicking back. I couldn't put my finger on it for a while as to why I felt peaceful.

More and more people showed up. The conversations were growing and the energy was building. At some point, the light bulb went off and I realized why I was enjoying this moment in time. There was respect, positive energy and openness along cultural, racial and sexual lines. It wasn't the kinky part, it was the communication and respect part.

The first discussion I ended up asking questions and listening to involved Graydancer, Orpheus, Octavia and others about Dark Odyssey and "dance cards". I am not a mechanical player but an emotional one and the whole concept of scheduling scenes seemed impossible to me. The discussion was around fixed schedule play cards that the organizers did during the summer. I was happy to hear others have similar feelings and that gave me confidence.

The last discussion I ended up with before leaving near the end of the afternoon was about "poly". I don't understand what it is and what I am in the raneg of mono/poly thinking. There is so much personal emotional baggage, I will just keep learning and thinking about it for now.

Heading Home

Yet again the GRUE experience was fantastic but I needed to get into a different head space and get going. Off I went to the air port...

I dropped off my bags and went to checkin. It made me laugh. I was too early to check in! Well I went to a restaurant I could find in the airport. Settled down to eat, drink margaritas and wait with my bags. Time passed, I checked in and worked my way through the wonderful world of airport travel back to frozen Pittsburgh.

I am such a GRUE fan!

Poly Woly What?

2010-01-28T04:43:00.002-05:00

There is aspect of my life I just don't quite understand. It almost seems like something that is sitting on my shoulder whispering things exactly the opposite of what I start believing. In a sense, I have no confidence or faith in myself in this area. The doubts are huge and wide.

It has to do with not what my head thinks nor what my sex thinks but what my heart thinks. My emotions are very murky and crazy.

Don't Know?

It isn't like working with rope as a kinky guy. I know I don't know enough. I know I have many things to learn, many things to get into my muscle memory, many things to get into my head and so forth.

It isn't like what I do for a living when in one way or another I have probably done it. Heck some of the stuff I am doing "new" now at one company, we did years ago. I want to slap some of my peers when they state how old this stuff is that is "new" since it makes me feel foolish.

It isn't like walking into a bad situation or a nasty bar. I know I will handle it. I have been through hell and back twice or more. I can do it again.

Marriage eh?

It starts with the thoughts of my marriage and trying to understand what the heck went wrong.

I can't look at anything and say nothing was tried. I clearly complained about working too much. I clearly communicated over and over and in many ways. I wanted to do things like go skiing or go on vacations without worrying about things. The one time we got help, I didn't manage it and came back to a disaster. In the end, all the communication, counseling and other stuff that you are suppose to do didn't work.

It drifts into the fact that I cut off my friends over time in my marriage. Why did I do that? My ex was jealous of my friends. I had a few close friends and they were all female. In fact, my best friend was female and my ex absolutely hated her and would make statements about how she was manipulating me. It sucked.

It also sucked that I would flirt and get a smile and my ex would freak. I sometimes would get a overly responsive positive reaction but it was all fun. I didn't let it grow. I behaved. Before my first kid was born, I kept my flirting in check in a big way! That sucked too!

Sometimes I think, I wasn't made to have a normal marriage. This is where the little voice says "no no, there was another normal reason for the failure and you know it". Alas, nothing in my life is really normal so I don't have a normal reason for it failing. I just don't!

Polyamory?

I hear about this term "polyamory". I look at my relationships and see my craziness and my clear devotion to a few special women. I think about it and ask the question, "am I poly?"

The little voice screams back "Nope, you are having a mid-life crisis!" or "you are just dating, you have no idea about poly" and so on.

I have started reading and asking questions about poly. It isn't serious. I am not trying to put a label on myself or rush into relationships to feel like I am poly.

I am spared the voice that says "Oh you just cheated on your wife and now you are saying you are poly!". I have heard that from others. My marriage is over and my relationships are after that ending point.

I don't cheat and I am not dishonest about who I am seeing or why. I don't lie about my relationships.

Dating...

So...I just call it dating and being close to several women at the same time in different ways. I recently had a bit of jealously when one of them went off to be with another man. I understood it and expected it but I was still a bit insecure in a selfish way.

Of course that little voice comes along and says "oh you are afraid of commitment" well I have a track record that clearly shows that is crap. I am there. I am not going anywhere and if the relationship has to change, I will understand.

I just want them happy. For some reason, my heart needs them to be happy. I have a connection to them. In my own crazy way, I have a few loves not one and I am happy.

It is simpler to just declare me crazy. Hugs!

Overdue Play Time

2009-12-22T15:41:00.000-05:00

I had to travel for business to California so I was gone for a week. While gone, I did have some fun one night at the local dungeon. It was a rope class and I tied up a very knowledgeable rope bottom. Many thanks to her! I learned some things.

I got back to Pittsburgh, waited for my checked bags and then had the fun of struggling through snow that was several inches deep to my not easily found snow covered white car. I made it. This all happened while I was texting a playmate.

I told her that as soon I as got half way home, I would contact her. I needed to get to car washed to get the snow off the car and to the Post Office to pick up my overflowing mail.

The plan seemed simple. Pick up my rope bottom, cuddle and watch a movie and play at some point. Well, if there is one thing that is constant in my life, don't fool with Mother Nature. Cars were getting stuck. Travel was slow. Long story short, I picked her up and everything was closed and the cold was really working on both of us.

We crashed early.

In the morning, the world was much brighter and my new apartment is wonderfully warm when needed to be. I teased her about stretching exercises.

She had taken a bubble bath and had two soft towels wrapped around her on the couch. I tied her ankles and her knees together. After that I tied each wrist to the respective ankle.

She couldn't really complain when I removed the towels. Each wrist rope was pretty long and connected to the ankles, I simply pulled both ropes up and over her body. In a brief moment, she was stretching, legs pointed toward the ceiling over her head tied to the couch leg behind her. It was delicious running my fingers up and down those long legs.

With her tied off, I did some wonderful exploring. She got pretty noisy so a nice cute red ball gag came out. The rest is just pure fun.

I am very happy to be back home!

Outdoor Bondage, Photography and Newbie Rope

2009-12-22T14:25:00.000-05:00

A few weeks back my wonderful new friend and rope bottom suggested in a persuasive manner to come and take pictures of her. She works as a fetish bondage model so that was a bit intimidating but I said to myself "why not?".

I took a weekday off from work saying "I was helping move someone", grabbed my rope bag, my non-SLR camera and went off to see her. I had spent time with my new camera but I was still nervous and I am a new rope top. I tried to keep an even keel between excitement, nervousness, the erotic part of this and keeping communication open with my friend. It was difficult.

We switched to her car and drove to her parent's farm. I got introduced to the dogs and cats which greeted us and then proceeded to walk around looking for spots to use for taking rope pictures. While I did this, my sexy rope model went off to change into boots, jeans and shirt.

I found 3 or 4 spots. I didn't know what I was doing in a sense but I had taking enough photography classes to know the basics.

The challenges in this were several. It was cold. We were both nervous somewhat. My rope confidence and skill was okay. My picture taking confidence was less then okay. With all this, it was a surprise that the combination was even attempted.

We did attempt and it was a great learning experience. As expected, it isn't really play. One is redoing ropes to make them look good or realizing that clothes got in the way or something else. There is significant patience on the model part and she was already cold.

I did some playing to relax us both and to warm her up. It helped. Alas when I got my first shots in, my incomplete knowledge and skill working with the camera started to get to me. I wanted to adjust the aperture size so I could blur the background and make other changes. It was so so frustrating.

One of the initial poses I really enjoyed was a double column tie on her hands which I redid and redid until it looked good. I loved pulling her arms behind her and tying her arms behind her and then tying her waist so she couldn't do much.

At this point I was taking pictures, undressing her, teasing her and doing other wonderful things. The cold seem to fade away for a brief moment.

I tried to take other pictures that seem to fit the moment and this is when the camera started to frustrate me. I wasn't going to run off leaving her to find a manual for it and read up. It was time to move on. Of course, I didn't untie her hands.

As we were walking back to the her car where my rope bag was, I spied a wonderful ladder. I love ladders for bondage scenes since you can do so many wicked things with them. This includes exploiting the bottoms own weight and awkwardness in relation to the ladder. Yum yum.

I had attached a clover clamp to one of her nipples and in a short moment she was pressed against the cold metal that loved to absorb heat. I looped the clamp's chain around a run and attached it to the other nipple. If she moved back, the clamps would pull on her tender nipples. If she moved forward, the cold metal would press against her warm exposed skin. While she struggled, I teased her and took pictures.

It was cold so it was very brief. I was getting worried. I undid the ropes, got her bundled up and shoved my rope bag together before getting her into the house. Didn't want cats or dogs marking with their scent my rope bag or worst yet my ropes. We got into the house and warmed up.

She was cute even though she explained that she needed me to do some sanding for her. I rolled my eyes and said "okay". While she warmed up, I figured out how to use the sander. It wasn't a belt sander or any other type of high performance sander but a small little vibrating one. I used it on the door and had to really press it in hard to get the job even started. Definitely not easy but I got a layer of paint stripped or roughen so they could paint the door.

Ah but then it was time to play with pink MFP rope. Yum yum. My beautiful rope bottom would be a tree hugger. Joy joy!

I walked her back over to the tree I had picked out and started tying her up. Did I fail to mention that she was shortly topless in this cold breezy weather with lovely pink MFP rope tying her to to the tree? Oh I didn't? Ooops.

Well she wasn't too happy. I wasn't happy listening to her so I grabbed some rope and enjoyed the silence.

Of course this wasn't really play. It was too cold so I quickly undid her after taking a few pics. Covered her up and got her back into the house.

Picture taking for the moment was done. I was much happier. She was much happier now that she was warm. Ahhh such a wonderful thing. The ropes started flying again and I was laughing about how warm she would be!

In a short moment, she was frog tied in combination with the legs of a chair in one of the rooms of the house. The fun play had started. She was her normal bratty self pushing the ball gag out of her mouth, partially escaping, squirming and just have a total blast. She keeps teaching me how my sloppy ropes can be defeated and I keep learning new tricks.

We played for a long time, not sure how long until she had this bad look on her face. I got the gag off her and she wanted her hands free and the phone but didn't want to be completely freed. I looked around for the phone in confusion and finally found it. She called someone, asked some questions and then hung up. She explained she was worried a family member would be coming home.

We were all smiles again and finished playing. What a wonderful way to start the day!

Private play date to practice rope and have fun...

2009-12-08T09:21:00.000-05:00

There was wonderful girl I met and she obviously enjoyed rope. My skills are awkward as far as rope and other skills or whatever they are called when with another person in a close intimate way are stale.

We teased each other in text messages between cell phones during the day. After a while I was stumbling and blushing standing next to co-workers and trying to exit early from work.

I had decided a day or so before I would have some fun with a rope harness. I loved the way it touched all over the torso, neck and between the legs. I told her we needed a skirt and a black top. I did have one doubt about the thickness of the rope, mine was all 6mm.

I went and picked her up in the afternoon. I was concerned about her safety and perception of myself. We had talked some the night before about safe calls and so on. She gave me that sound of "yea yea I know" without saying it. I needed to do something and I finally felt better when I sent her my address on the way to picking her up.

She looked good but was a bit frazzled after school work that morning. She didn't have a black shirt so we dropped by a store and picked up one. The shoes sucked there so we skipped that. Off we went to my place...

After we got inside, I had her down to her bra and her hands roped and pulled over her head. I was learning too so I had redone her hands partially about five times trying to get the rope length in my head. The silly part was after I had it done and the other end around her waist, I realized I had to either cut her bra off or undo it. Another lesson learned!

She was shortly on the floor with her hands over head pulled down her back toward her crotch. I had roped her legs at the knees, frog tying her. I then went and got a toy or two to play with her. She was very very yummy and squirming so well. I loved it.

I couldn't resist moving her around like a puppet and keeping things active. It was wonderful fun and the sounds and expression on her face sent me to the moon. My my my I was grinning from ear to ear.

I slowed down the play, removing the ropes and then had her stand up. I worked a rope harness on her and then slipped in a remote egg. She put on the black shirt, her jeans and the rest of her clothes. We went out to dinner. It was wonderful chatting with her and watching her occasional eye closing and squirming. I loved watching this and occasionally pressing the remote to change what she felt.

We went to diner at a nice local restaurant -- it was one of the very few within a reasonbly short drive in my area. We ordered. Well I should say I ordered and she struggled to pick something. Oh it was so delicious watching her struggle knowing that rope was pulling and tugging as she moved and that egg was humming away. Of course, she didn't eat much *chuckles*.

The car was a quick stroll to get into. As she slid into the passenger's seat, she was squirming and shortly was grabbing at the remote. "No no" I was saying. I pulled the car out and got onto the road. Oh she was moaning and squirming so badly. It was joy to watch. I think the egg had been pushed out beyond the ropes and was just at the wrong place!

I couldn't resist pressing the buttons until she was really moving and teasingly telling her I was into orgasm denial. When we were half way to my home, I was getting pretty demanding since she was squirming all over the place. Alas, I can't tell you the rest.

By the way, this happened a few weeks ago. I am waiting on a much longer run of rope so I can do this much better the next time. *grins*

New York City Sex Blogger Calender Release 2010

2009-12-08T01:34:00.001-05:00

This "release party"? Simple concept right? One shows up for drinks, meet and greet and maybe some party snacks or other little things like door prizes. My concept of a release party.

This four or so hour "party" turned into an event of sorts. Things to do before and after. It was amazing. My thanks to Tess and Diva and many others for totally breaking me of "my concept".

The fun and choices were difficult. I was annoyed at times that I couldn't be at two places at one time or live without food or sleep. I have no idea what I will do next time I go!

Audacia Ray's Sex Worker Literati

On Thursday night, we had drinks at Essex and then went to a reading at a wonderful placed called Happy End. It was Audacia Ray's Sex Worker Literati. It felt so good to back in New York City, drinking Black Russians, listening to interesting portions of readings all with intelligent and diverse people.

The only low light was the lingering disaster of what Rhode Island did to a sexual education center for silly zoning reasons and outlawing indoor prostitution. Sigh.

After the reading, we went to dinner. It was great being with Tess, Diva, Bad Bad Girl and many others. So cool, I forgot what I ordered. The night was a nice blur with wonderful smiles. I especially enjoyed Tess's company.

The next day at the hotel, the sleepy head smiles at the little breakfast area were wonderful. Amazing group of diverse people who made me think this is the way the world should be.

In a short amount of time, I was twittering about going shopping. Had to do something before the evening events and I *have* to shop in New York City. Pittsburgh sucks.

Shopping in New York City

Lo and behold I meet another amazing person, FireCatKitty. She is even more amazing to me personally since she deals with media and helps sex workers. I melted into a warm smiling space as I learned this hot looking Canadian woman handles important things that I can't handle.

We went off to Saks and looped upward through each floor. The clothes and shoes were wonderful but 10 times out of my price range. Eeep!

Our trail blazed into several other stores with her commenting on boots and me smiling since I have a boot fetish too. It was great to smile, laugh and talk about clothing and other things. I was enjoying myself.

We went to a H&M and I hit paydirt with a wonderful short sleeved black shirt. I was frustated when I discovered the problem of my size not being there. Since it was a chain store, maybe the other ones had it? We would see.

She picked up some items and an adorable hat. It really works when it is tilted back just right amount on that smiling head of hers. Damn she is sexy.

When we went to check out, there was some confusion about what payment method was allowed and her commenting about Canadian money being colored coded. I teased her later when she tried to pay for something making her doubt what denominations she was using. "Wrong color" he he.

We were compressed for time and I wanted to do some more shopping so I gave the guy my plastic. It was weird they didn't take cash in *that* line.

The rest of the shopping trip was a fun blur of stores, shoes and talking about many things and some secret sharing. There is nothing but respect and admiration (well she is a hot lady) in my heart for her.

There was one incident that she reminded me later of. She stopped as we walked and donated money. The tall young man working the the donation jar made comments about how beautiful she was and how I should be taking good care of her. It made me smile but I made it clear she was sexy and not mine. I lost track of how many colors of red she went through.

NYC Sex Blogger Party

We jumped in a cab to save time. Got our favorite story of clueless cab drivers not knowing where to go outside of Manhattan. Of course this was rush hour and a mess so getting to FireCatKitty's place in Brooklyn took a while and then another chunk of time to get back to my hotel.

I changed into black shirt, leather pants and my wickedly fun for me New Rock Boots, ordered a ride to the party and left.

Many things had been set up by the time I arrived. I went and talk various people asking to help and do things. Everyone looked great. The party slowly started to fill with people and I tried to help.

It was fun. At some point, I ended up with a pile of raffle tickets that I didn't know how to sell at all. In the end, I bought a pile and went and did something else. Meanwhile Twisted Monk was wrapping raffle tickets around hot women.

The party filled up to overflowing. It was a blast. They started an burlesque event downstairs. I didn't stay down there long. Alas, the power failed for part of the building. It prevented the basement level lighting from working, took out a large selection of lights, the ATM machine and the air conditioning.

They moved the burlesque event up to the main floor. I don't know why but it just didn't appeal to me so I headed outside into the cool air for a while.

A man came up to me while outside and asked me what was happening. They were carding at the door and I think asking for a fee to enter. Not sure. I tried to answer him truthfully without telling him it was sexy or kinky. I found it difficult. He implored for more information and I stopped answering his questions. It got uncomfortable enough that I bid him a good night and headed in.

The rest of the evening was a blur. I helped with the raffle area. Tried to help others. Chatted up a storm. I was having fun. Eventually the power (and the air conditioning was restored). How many Guiness's did I have? I lost track.

The big event was the drawing of the prizes. We ended up with a chain. Tess, Diva and Twisted Monk were on stage. I running back and forth to Bad Bad Girl and another women who's face I can't see as I write this entry. *pouts*

After the first call out of the first prize winning number, I threw my raffle tickets to the side and focused on navigating the crowd that was getting thicker and thicker around the stage. It was fantastic seeing this and feeling the energy.

The prizes were so wonderful and the excitement was fantastic. I thought Diva won the Njoy eleven. I didn't know what it was until later and then my jaw dropped. What a wonderful gift. Damn that girl is lucky!

The party eventually ended. There were some people that wanted the gift bags. I scrounged and re-scrounged several times for the people asking for them and gave away my own. Even after that, I still found a forgotten bag for myself.

I don't remember much after that except some silly drama with some guy and somehow we ended up in a group at a diner eating breakfast in the middle of the night. It was fun but my geeky side leaked out. It turned out the two other men were sort of geeky too and well it snowballed.

It was fantastic to get to the hotel and sleep.

Next Day, Hotel Change, Lunch with a Friend

The events hadn't stopped though. Twisted Monk was teaching a class the next day and there were evening events. In the middle of this, I had to get myself organized, out before checkout, packed and over to another hotel in Manhattan. I had been there before but hadn't parked there.

I changed hotels. Quickly freshened up and decided to take a subway ride to meet my friend. The first thing I discovered is that I couldn't find the subway entrance. They were all closed for remodeling. Grrr.

Eventually I made it and thought I had it down until my friend sent a text message back with a big "NO". I needed to catch an express train. I got through that mess, meet up with my friends and had a wonderful lunch before grabbing a taxi to head back to the hotel.

Another crazy night

The scheduled seem doable for the evening. Babeland. Union Docs. Transgender Burlesque Show. Easy peezy right? Wrong.

I went to Babeland. No one I recognized was there except the author of the book. I walked back to the club where the class was being taught. Things were still happening so I hung out. Twisted Monk was working his rope magic on the lovely ladies still. Fantastic!

A cool part was when the "bubble" was made by Twisted Monk during a scene. People had invaded the rope scene. Excellent way of defusing the situation and getting back to the what was happening between him and the sexy bottom in suspension.

The groups split up. I went with a wonderful couple to the Union Docs and saw FireCatKitty again. The movies were fantastic and persuaded me. After trying to ignore some guy who wouldn't stop talking, a good question was asked about what was the "elevator pitch". I learned even more at that point and got more emotionally engaged in the subject.

There was like 5 minutes before the Transgender Burlesque show and I was starving. My friends and I went to the diner. It was a good time and good conversation. Even as I write this, I miss them.

I went to the old hotel and grabbed a ride. I loved that little hotel. I meant to catch up with everyone else but as soon I as I get into the back of that limo with those soft leather seats, I changed my mind. It was bed time.

The Last Morning

The next day with a sad smile I hustled to pack and check out. I corrected my bill for the candy and beer I consumed from the mini-bar and then waited for my car. As soon as it arrived, I drove over to the old hotel and popped in.

I was so happy to see everyone smiling and slowly waking up. I spent a good long time saying good bye. These are all good people. Fantastic people. Goodbyes said, I walked outside and drove away.

Drifting into the 2010 NYC Sex Blogger Calendar Release Party

2009-11-14T09:59:00.001-05:00

It still makes me laugh at how things happen in my life.

More then a month ago, I came across reference to a New York City Sex Blogger Calender Release party and it supporting Sex Worker's Awareness. Around the same time, I was fiendishly working out logistics to go to the Connecticut GRUE (Graydancer's Ropetastic Unconference Extravaganza). I looked at the party and it was an evening small window event. My thoughts were not worth the trip for 12 hours of driving or a $200+ hotel room.

I commented on twitter at some point about going to the GRUE. A wonderful lady said she couldn't go to the Connecticut GRUE. I asked why not? Because they saved for this party instead and had to make a choice. This I definitely took note of and would re-examined it. I still couldn't see the value in it.

Life continued as it usually does with lots of craziness in my personal life. Hey, never a dull moment!

Connecticut GRUE

Eventually my life centered on getting the car ready, closing up lose ends and packing for the Connecticut GRUE. When I arrived at the GRUE hotel, I immediately saw familiar faces and other obvious kinky souls. I was happy.

As the story unfolds, I got myself showered and dressed and went to the meet and greet party. I meet new people and thoroughly enjoyed myself being with very positive kink aware sexy people.

The best part for this meet and greet was the number of high caliber bondage rope tops. Twisted Monk, Graydancer, Dov, Murphy Blue and other rope tops were there. I would be watching, listening and learning with a big smile on my face. What a blast!

Apparently Graydancer had an appointment to do a podcast with Diva and Tess as part of the NYC Sex Blogger Calendar Release Party. No doubt that this was important for a variety of reasons. It wasn't rope so I drifted off to another part of the meet and greet to stay out of the way.

Later though, I don't remember how but I ended up talking and teasing Tess and Diva with Graydancer and Twisted Monk starting to wrap Diva up. I struggled with trying to work various cameras but thoroughly enjoyed what was happening.

Tess and Diva are both amazing women from what I have experienced. They both shined as I teased them and as Diva was unwrapped and Tess was wrapped up in rope. This was happening as other crazy fun antics occurred. It was a fantastic moment in time. Twisted Monk and Graydancer are fantastic rope tops. They both engage with positive sensuous style.

Okay, I will go...

When Tess said I should come to the release party, I think I expressed I already bought 2 calendars and so on. Something about her smile told me I had missed something and my curiosity was peaking. With an inward thought of "you don't know what you are doing", I said I would be at the party.

You see, I am a sucker for a beautiful woman's smile.

Shortly after wards, I did my googling of the party and did some quick peek of some blogs. With my busy life, I made my first mistake of looking at the events and then making hotel reservations and plans like I would do for a business trip.

In the the few weeks that followed, I realized that mistake and attempted to extend the hotel reservation one more night 2 weeks before. The hotel put me on a waiting list and I was #5. Oops. Well, made a second hotel reservation but a full hotel? What does that mean?

It was wonderful getting pleasant comments on twitter about going to the party.

But I had my doubts about the party. The fact was I wasn't a sex blogger, not a sex worker nor anybody. Little 'ol me was a newbie kinkster going to a very impressive party. With that thought in mind, I set my expectations on helping Tess and Diva and enjoying whatever happened in New York City.

Meanwhile I dealt with work, got a new apartment, bought a pile of furniture and moved into my new apartment. In other words, I moved away from my ex-wife and my kids which is a difficult set of emotions.

On the flip side, I got some more rope work in. I discovered I need to stay away from dark rope in dark play spaces especially on dark clothes. I also spent a wonderful day going "mmmm" from some lovely sensation play I bottomed to on the same night.

Driving to New York City

The Thursday morning before the release party, I packed and drove quickly to New York City. Snagged a speeding ticket and then arrived a the hotel. I unpacked, set up my laptop and got a wonderful surprise.

Tess IMed me with "Can you meet downstairs in 5 minutes?" Oh my, "how about 10?". "ok". Jumped in the shower and dressed in a flash.

The group went off to Essex and I had mentally decided on the road after that speeding ticket I would buy a round of drinks or two. I did exactly that. I met Bad Bad Girl there and others. I discovered at that quiet little moment that I was smiling ear to ear and the fun had started. Good people, good drink and lively discussion was so perfect.

Little did I know that next four days would be a constant blast of fun with difficult choices of whether to sleep, eat or have more fun!

Tess and Diva did an amazing thing. I will be going to the next New York Sex Blogger Calendar Party!

Yummy, my first rope scene

2009-11-14T09:27:00.002-05:00

My friends mean the world to me and they surprise me in little ways.

There was a play party on Friday, a dungeon event on Saturday and dungeon time later that day. At the start of the week, I commented to a friend that I would probably skip the play party but I was going to the munch the next day. At the munch, I was a bit surprised when I was announced as a "rope" person like someone else in the room. The smiles were more then the usual ones.

When the subject of rope came up later in the munch, as I commented, I noticed a wonderful smile on a new lady I hadn't met. It made me smile inwardly and re-plan my weekend schedule.

I commented later about the smiles to another friend who I switch with and she said "oh because you are fresh meat". It made me laugh but I doubted it a bit. Maybe she was right partially?

I asked the new lady for a play date for that Friday later. She said she already had one but would take a rain check. It wasn't unexpected but I was a bit disappointed. I stilled loved the energy from the munch. I would still go to the party and let things happen as they may. If nothing happened, I would have good conversation at least and maybe learn something from a scene or two.

The best surprise was when I showed up at the party with a very open mind about roping anything that moved, a beautiful young lady bounced up to me and gave me a warm hug. She commented that the last time we met it was at another munch and I was very nervous. That munch seemed like a million years ago standing with her enjoying the small connection we had.

It turned out that she had spent the night before talking about me with the friend I switch with. No doubt in my mind that my good friend had said wonderful things about me and my rope play. She is a sweetie.

Hopefully I will thank her when she is in rope shortly. On the other hand, she may put some extra zeal into her impact play with me. She and I both get what we need.

Before we could start, there was a bit of drama which I manage to a minimum with the girl's help. I don't avoid confrontation but I do work to minimize or eliminate it.

We went off not to play but for her to be a demo rope bottom. I needed to practice my ropes. At least that is what I thought...

It was wonderfully fun. My ropes were sloppy, dangling but sensuous. I made mistakes. Blew some knots that slipped tighter when they didn't shouldn't. Did either of us care?

She and I were both smiling and laughing. She was being a beautiful lively mild brat kicking, biting and pinching me while bound in ropes. It made me smile as I whispered sweet things about her being my marionette and other things. I couldn't help myself changing it to a scene.

She was my little puppet since I was constantly moving, connecting and reconnecting with her and rebinding parts of her body. Several times she almost got lose as I watched with a wicked grin and then at the last moment pulled on the rope binding her wrists and knotted it off again. It wasn't a mistake that the knots were within reached of her lovely hands.

Even when undoing the ropes and letting them accumulate into a mess on the floor that hampered later rope removal, I was connected to her and enjoying the rope and her. I was feeling a rush I had felt many times before and I was expecting it to end.

When she was lose and a bit dreamy looking, I got worried she would fall. For a brief moment she sat down but then started working on the rope mess on the floor with me. With a wonderful smile, she said hurry up so she can have a cigarette and do it again. I lit up like a Christmas tree with a big smile.

We came back down and I started roping her up again. Instead of a partial suspension, I did something else. She was much quieter this time and then I added one and later two surprises. At some point, the world disappeared and was annoyed when the music came on too loudly.

I untied her partially. The control and other needs of my mine were in full force. Her feet and legs were bound awkwardly. She was holding onto the ring above her head with a rope blindfold. I forced her hands free and all she knew was she would was falling. A split second later she was in my arms. I whispered some things and we were quiet.

The rest of the evening was a blur. There wasn't a place to sit together at first upstairs but we ended up together later. Touching and staying connected. The rush I was feeling was more then I expected.

I made sure she was okay as she drove away and then I went to get my stuff and say goodbye. Several other women came up and said they wanted to be tied up. It made me smile.

She is a wonderful new friend.

First, first, first ...

2009-11-10T11:01:00.003-05:00

It has been a year of many firsts. A staggering bewildering array of firsts.

One of my firsts was ending my marriage. The short version of this classic tragedy is my marriage after many years had diverged. My wife's path to happiness was making me more and more unhappy.

There came a point where life was just there. Life was paying bills, work, running to the hospital, helping friends, fixing fences, birthing animals, freezing my butt off in the middle of nowhere, repairing cars, doing paper work and so on. Mind numbing in its constant and relentless in its need to be addressed. Nothing much really changed if you stepped back from it. I worked at work. I worked at my wife's farm.

My kids are fantastic. They are growing up so well. I am blessed. As they slowly turn into wonderful adults, my parenting job disappears. My focus turns elsewhere and inward. I didn't like what I was seeing.

I communicated my frustration. I ran faster and faster so it would work. The numbness grew over the last several years.

I had starting exploring online and was surprised at the healthy online BDSM community. As I explored, my feelings of being isolated disappeared. I needed this world.

Eventually another first occurred when my partner and I attempted to find a new balance. We went to Midori's wonderful Rope Dojo I in New York City. Fantastic time. Very cool and educational instructors. My smile grew but my partner's smile faded.

She tried. I really appreciated it. She said to play with others. As I started to explore, she continued her explorations. I love her spunk and love for life and supported it. She also had some luck connecting with people online.

The sad part was the New York City weekend at the Rope Dojo was just us being hotel mates. She didn't even cuddle and watch a movie with me. She spent most of her time online.

Shortly after that time, she ended the marriage and I cut loose. My comfort zone is fairly large and the flirting that made my partner jealous wasn't an issue any more. With a huge smile, I jumped head long into my new world.

My partner heard that FetishCon would be a good event to attend.

When I visited the local dungeon in Pittsburgh and joined, I tripped over an ad for Floating World. When I looked it up, it seem much better then some fetish model convention. This would be my first event.

Meanwhile I downloaded all of Graydancer's Ropecasts and started listening to them working backwards. Fiendishly writing down notes as I drove to work each morning. My online education was slowly being filled by a real world education.

In a short five month period, I had done many firsts:

Joined FetLife
Went to Floating World.
Attended several area group munches (meet and greets)
Attended several dungeon play times.
Attended one play party.
Attended COPE or Central Ohio Perversion Excursion
Attended the first East Coast GRUE or Graydancer's Ropetastic Unconference Extravaganza

During this time, I had augmented my wardrobe. Bought lots and lots of hemp rope. With my first purchase for Midori's Rope Dojo coming from Twisted Monk. Many wicked toys from the JT's Stockroom had also been purchased, some my ex-wife kept.

My expectations were very simple to start. Meet people, learn, explore and smile. It is amazing and I love this world very much. The people are fantastic and normal to me. I have no doubts that others disagree but I don't care.

Oh yea, one more first. This blog entry!!!!