Tabs

Saturday, January 14, 2012

My public sexual comments, grabbing, choking, etc.

I went to a happy hour last night at a bar that was crowded.

A woman with long dark curly hair was wiggling her bottom side to side close to me. I made low key sexual comments about that wiggle.

Later on, I grabbed her arm, bent it behind her and had my hand around her throat. I redid that fun with some small thin rope pulling it hard around her throat as it was tied to that wrist. I was being mean.

For some stranger, it would seem I had without permission made these comments. It would seem I had touched her, grabbed her, choked her and pressed my body against her without her saying I could.

I didn't ask if I could do any of that. She didn't say I could.

Why could I do this?

Permission and Consent

There were several big clues that this was okay. She smiled wider. She did the smiling with eye contact with me. When we weren't in eye contact, her verbal cues and comments were positive or encouraging in some way.

When I was brand new to the kink world, I saw this often.

I would also see other men do this and a totally different set of reactions would happen. They were negative such as the woman's look being annoyed or angry, verbal negative comments being spoken by her, a blank look with arms and legs pulling closer together, moving away, another person stepping in between them and so on.

So what is the special here?

This woman I had grabbed, I knew not as a lover, not as a friend, not as acquaintance.  I knew as a play partner. I had tied her up before. I had pulled clothes off of her before. I had spanked her before. I had made her cum before. I knew her in a play way.

Most importantly, she knew me and trusted me in this area and she was giving me signals that allowed me to progress. I would have stopped immediately if signals from her or from others had been negative in some way.

Public Consent

This was in the back part of the bar that was I think a separate room. Most of the people I knew and the rest were interacting with them. I could have easily overstepped a line with some of them but I do that with a degree of care.

If there had been a couple in that par of the bar not interacting with people I knew or were watching me closely in some way, I would not have escalated or repeated in any way the play that was happening. I don't want my kink forced on others just like I don't want their lack of understanding,  and possibly their sexual views of what is correct forced on me.

One has to be aware of  the context and act accordingly especially if there is touching involved since touching without permission is a criminal charge, assault.

I do push boundaries as compared to violating boundaries. I know the difference. Do you?








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