I have various "rules" for myself. Some have been learned the hard way and some are just part of my nature.
They are rules like "not waiting too long". Whether socializing, dating or dealing with work, I limit my waiting to hear from someone and move forward. Another rule is "first things first", family, work and other critical aspects in my life need to be addressed first in a timely manner. Yet another rule is to find balance and growth in myself. Often these rules collide and I have to make educated guesses about what I should or should not do.
What does this all have to do with kink events?
It takes time and money to go to a kink event. I can play in private and have enough play mates. It has to add value to me.
After that time and money is expended, have I gotten balance and growth out of it? And have I sacrificed time and money against what others would consider more important or I consider more important such as paying down a loan or buying clothing before a season starts for my kids?
2011 was a year of significant change. I had several financial set backs. My work enjoyment has significantly dropped. My lifestyle had to change because of family changes and some really amazing good things happened.
I could change jobs, reduce my pay, work harder and have significantly more enjoyment doing it. It is very tempting in a way most people don't understand. Instead, I will stick around for now and enjoy the other side of my life, my kinky side.
I have spent significant amount of time waiting for things to happen in my life. I don't wait much any more. If people want to tag along with me, great but I am doing things and I minimize the complications and responsibilities on myself. With regards to kink events, if I and no one else attends but me and I don't find value out of the event with my low expectations, I will not select it or go to it.
Hotel Kink Events
Many kink events that have bondage, flogging, rope suspension, single tail whips, take down play and many other types of play are in hotels. If things have worked out for the event, they have needle and cutting play (can be a hot button for health departments), fire play (can be a hot button for the fire department) and other types of play that health or safety people get concerned about especially when they don't understand it (or were not told about it). These are all done during the evening or night time "dungeon" or "play space" time.
During the day, they have classes, discussions and demonstrations on domination/submission, polyamorous discussions, protocol, master/slave relationships, BDSM play, etc. For a new person, these are good classes in general.
My problem is I need to learn more about myself and improve my rope skills so many classes at many events don't address that need. They are too basic or middle level.
If advance rope players don't attend the event and play, I can't watch and learn either. There are several good presenters who at the end of the grueling travel or presenting schedule, either don't play in public or do something that suits their needs of play that night.
Inbred Events
There are more then a few events where the event organizers and the people in attendance are one to several closely knit groups, the rest of the folks either want to be part of those "in" groups or are wonderfully independent kinksters. At this point, I steer clear of these events unless I know many people, expect to meet new people and advance my skills.
Some indications of this type of event are they are sold out, have exclusive first ticket purchases for people or word of mouth about the event is having drama. These are not solid telltales of this type of event, I have gone to events like this and had a fantastic and wonderful time but should be considered.
The downside of these types of events is that one can end up on the sidelines like in a high school dance, misled in some way or have some sort of manipulation happen. If you are new to the public scene (also known as "fresh meat") and don't have the experience set to detect and manage this situation, things can easily go the wrong.
My Upcoming Events
I am still working out finances, time available and event selection for the upcoming year. I have to do more to go away to an event given my family and lifestyle changes.
I wanted to go to the kink unconference LA GRUE to enjoy warmer weather in Los Angeles California, to support the GRUE and see friends I hadn't seen in a long time. The $400+ airplane ticket was a deal breaker but as luck would have it, I happen to have enough frequent flyer miles to avoid that cost. I get to go at the end of January.
I have heard repeatedly good things about New England Leather Alliance's (NELA) Fetish Flea. I still don't quite understand the event and expect it to be different then a standard hotel event in format. I will be attending that event in February.
Weekend after that is a local bar event in Pittsburgh at the Altar Bar, I plan to check it out since I have always wanted to check the bar out and they are having a fetish/kink theme night called Resurrection. I am not sure if I will play or not.
In March, I attend a conference called Momentum in Washington DC on feminism, sexuality, and relationships. It is a wonderful conference and gives me insight into the future and the present which I am clearly not happy about. I want to change when I can the little things I an do to make the world more forgiving or at least my part of it.
In May, I go to Shibaricon at the end of the month. This is my major rope event where I learn new things and how to do things better. It is also the only event that still intimidates me since instead of me being one of the few rope people, I am surrounded by rope people with many of them having mad skills in subtle ways better then I.
I love going to my only local to me BDSM club event called Kinko De Mayo. It happens in the month of May. I don't know if I can afford it this year or not. It is also a second event in a busy month. This will be a struggle to attend.
In the summer, I plan to go down to Floria and attend FetishCon. I don't consider this a kink event but an adult event with models, photographers and fans both professional and wanna-be. My kink world overlaps with professionals in the adult world and I want to understand this better and have fun socializing with my friends.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Monday, December 26, 2011
Fetish 101 in Pittsburgh & New York City Trip
A few weeks ago I went down to an open to the public party in the Pittsburgh Strip District. It was being held at a local bar. It was the second party that had been held.
I heard some things about the first party. It was crowded and people were walking into "scenes". I also heard comments about something to do with cameras. I wasn't sure what to expect so I got dressed up including my boots which I love to wear and headed down.
My plan was simple. Check it out. Enjoy some drinks, meet people and experience it. I wasn't planning on doing much else. I did bring my rope bag with me but left it in the car.
I parked down a block since parking can be a challenge and I saw a spot. I walked in the direction the building numbers trying to find it and smiled when I saw some fetish attire. I entered and paid the cover charge which was low compared to New York City and other places. I asked about getting in and out since I wasn't stamped. The man said he would remember me.
The first room was pretty nice. Lovely bar on the right side with a back room that had a pool table. I had passed a hallway. I got a drink. The bartender rocked. I love good bartenders.
I headed down the hallway. It had to the left three nook hole sitting areas. I liked those. It opened up into another large area with an elevated bar area to the right. A suspension rig was set up in this large area and two crosses were set up on the left with yellow police tape. The crowd was very small which was fine by me.
The suspension rig was in use by someone I knew. I watched some of the rope work. I chatted with people I knew. I heard about how this time compared to the last time. It seemed the door charge solved the problem of too many people coming off the street just to look inside at the fetish people.
Public Play
I was approached by someone I knew and asked about doing some rope. I said sure but I needed to get my rope bag and the like. We talked a bit more and was surprised to find out she had been bound in rope and dropped. We talked some more.
Because it was public play, even though the woman who was being tied up was topless with tape or something covering her nipples, I wouldn't be asking that. I don't like clothing getting wrapped in my ropes but it is just a dislike.
I went off to get my rope bag taking my time. I came back dropped my rope bag off and then went to bar and started my first in a series of diet colas.
The suspension rig became free. We chatted some more and continue to talk as I wrapped rope around here. Her friends were there too. It was a good time. The chest harness was fun. The hip harness didn't quite work for her. I re-did it and put her up.
We had some playful fun. I do like to make breasts sore and asses red. I can't resist doing it to a tightly bound woman.
After that play was done, I got some more diet colas in me and did another suspension. This was fantastic too.
The place was filling up and had a wonderful energy. I didn't think it would be wise to do any more playing so I packed up my stuff.
End of the Night
I said hello to someone I knew. She was dressed in fetish attire from head to foot. I think men were swarming her and my hello was badly timed. Oh well.
The rest of the night was the simple pleasure of enjoying the kinky and fetish people who I knew and meeting new people. It was a blast. I had switched back to drinking and nursed a couple of Black Russian drinks. I learned some more things. It was a good night and ended very well.
New York City
I went up to visit friends in New York City. The first night would include attending the Red Umbrella Diaries at the Happy Ending Lounge in the lower east side. It used to be named other things such as Sex Worker Literati.
The organizers, Dee Dennis and Tess announced it would be their last one. They were too busy with thinks like Momentum Con.
I was surprised by one woman's presentation and had missed from the ambient noise what she had said right before she said it. She indicated that Momentum Con was an event where sex workers could feel comfortable compared to other events. I asked her later about the comment since I had missed some of what she said. We talked some. I knew her name but had never met her. She was the lovely Sabrina Morgan and it turns out also a tech person.
It was disappointing to me but as I thought about it, it seems very possible that many events "out" sex workers. They can go overboard with their drama in many directions which I have seen.
I am glad I am more aware and will try and help.
Wonderful Chance Meeting
A good friend of mine who has been in gypsy mode for half a year or so and I loved bumping into her was now living in Minnesota.
I was outside the Happy Ending lounge, looking at the street, the buildings, the truck in the street being repaired in front of the mechanic's place and was totally surprised to see her standing there. I gave her a hug and realized I was feeling lost like I was in another city. It happens given I bounce between enough of them.
It was so good to see her.
Winding Down
Several of us went to a diner a few blocks over. We had to work out some logistics with cars and parking. It worked out. We had a good meal and a lovely discussion. It was unfortunate that one of my friends who is deathly allergic to wheat ended up with breaded onion rings on her plate. I scoped them off her plate as quickly as possible.
After that we headed back, I picked up my car from the hotel and went over to a friend's place. We chatted for another hour or so longer and then it was time to call it a night.
The next day I met up for breakfast. It was good time and then I had to decide what I was going to do. Try and catch up with other friend's in New Jersey or head back. I decided given I was taking my time and enjoying life away from work that I would head back.
I packed up my stuff, checked some email and then started the long many hour drive back to Pittsburgh.
I heard some things about the first party. It was crowded and people were walking into "scenes". I also heard comments about something to do with cameras. I wasn't sure what to expect so I got dressed up including my boots which I love to wear and headed down.
My plan was simple. Check it out. Enjoy some drinks, meet people and experience it. I wasn't planning on doing much else. I did bring my rope bag with me but left it in the car.
I parked down a block since parking can be a challenge and I saw a spot. I walked in the direction the building numbers trying to find it and smiled when I saw some fetish attire. I entered and paid the cover charge which was low compared to New York City and other places. I asked about getting in and out since I wasn't stamped. The man said he would remember me.
The first room was pretty nice. Lovely bar on the right side with a back room that had a pool table. I had passed a hallway. I got a drink. The bartender rocked. I love good bartenders.
I headed down the hallway. It had to the left three nook hole sitting areas. I liked those. It opened up into another large area with an elevated bar area to the right. A suspension rig was set up in this large area and two crosses were set up on the left with yellow police tape. The crowd was very small which was fine by me.
The suspension rig was in use by someone I knew. I watched some of the rope work. I chatted with people I knew. I heard about how this time compared to the last time. It seemed the door charge solved the problem of too many people coming off the street just to look inside at the fetish people.
Public Play
I was approached by someone I knew and asked about doing some rope. I said sure but I needed to get my rope bag and the like. We talked a bit more and was surprised to find out she had been bound in rope and dropped. We talked some more.
Because it was public play, even though the woman who was being tied up was topless with tape or something covering her nipples, I wouldn't be asking that. I don't like clothing getting wrapped in my ropes but it is just a dislike.
I went off to get my rope bag taking my time. I came back dropped my rope bag off and then went to bar and started my first in a series of diet colas.
The suspension rig became free. We chatted some more and continue to talk as I wrapped rope around here. Her friends were there too. It was a good time. The chest harness was fun. The hip harness didn't quite work for her. I re-did it and put her up.
We had some playful fun. I do like to make breasts sore and asses red. I can't resist doing it to a tightly bound woman.
After that play was done, I got some more diet colas in me and did another suspension. This was fantastic too.
The place was filling up and had a wonderful energy. I didn't think it would be wise to do any more playing so I packed up my stuff.
End of the Night
I said hello to someone I knew. She was dressed in fetish attire from head to foot. I think men were swarming her and my hello was badly timed. Oh well.
The rest of the night was the simple pleasure of enjoying the kinky and fetish people who I knew and meeting new people. It was a blast. I had switched back to drinking and nursed a couple of Black Russian drinks. I learned some more things. It was a good night and ended very well.
New York City
 |
| Happy Ending Lounge :-) |
The organizers, Dee Dennis and Tess announced it would be their last one. They were too busy with thinks like Momentum Con.
I was surprised by one woman's presentation and had missed from the ambient noise what she had said right before she said it. She indicated that Momentum Con was an event where sex workers could feel comfortable compared to other events. I asked her later about the comment since I had missed some of what she said. We talked some. I knew her name but had never met her. She was the lovely Sabrina Morgan and it turns out also a tech person.
It was disappointing to me but as I thought about it, it seems very possible that many events "out" sex workers. They can go overboard with their drama in many directions which I have seen.
I am glad I am more aware and will try and help.
Wonderful Chance Meeting
A good friend of mine who has been in gypsy mode for half a year or so and I loved bumping into her was now living in Minnesota.
I was outside the Happy Ending lounge, looking at the street, the buildings, the truck in the street being repaired in front of the mechanic's place and was totally surprised to see her standing there. I gave her a hug and realized I was feeling lost like I was in another city. It happens given I bounce between enough of them.
It was so good to see her.
Winding Down
Several of us went to a diner a few blocks over. We had to work out some logistics with cars and parking. It worked out. We had a good meal and a lovely discussion. It was unfortunate that one of my friends who is deathly allergic to wheat ended up with breaded onion rings on her plate. I scoped them off her plate as quickly as possible.
After that we headed back, I picked up my car from the hotel and went over to a friend's place. We chatted for another hour or so longer and then it was time to call it a night.
The next day I met up for breakfast. It was good time and then I had to decide what I was going to do. Try and catch up with other friend's in New Jersey or head back. I decided given I was taking my time and enjoying life away from work that I would head back.
I packed up my stuff, checked some email and then started the long many hour drive back to Pittsburgh.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Why do I have this blog?
I have a variety of reasons for having this blog.
I have the skills and knowledge to market a blog or a web site, expanding the public relations part of it, handling market communications and so on. I have done this elsewhere.
I could be doing things like putting pointers to it on twitter, fetlife and other social media outlets. I could be working in keywords for web search engines, adding sexy mainstream photos with captions for image searches, dropping people's names, etc. I could be working to get other blogs and social media to have links to this blog to also expand the hit rate and other tricks. There is an endless number of things I could do to make this blog more visible but then that would be work.
I am not interested in that work.
My intent behind my blog is to provide some help to myself and to others. By writing down things, organizing things and reading them back I get some clarity for myself and it helps my thinking. There are times I just need to express myself without any regards to other people, it makes me feel better. Sometimes I write in the hopes that others may be helped, I consider that a failing of sorts given the internet is filled with trolls and that sort of goodness is buried under the crap.
I have limits with this blog.
I would love to think it is anonymous but I know better. A little digging, back door access and some other tricks and I am easily found. There are even easier ways to find me using other people's web sites and some non-online detective work. With this reality in mind, I pull back on some details about people, places and myself -- whatever I put in this blog is something I have to live with.
The person, me, behind the blog is known in various places and circles. I have in person talked with a variety of people who are on twitter or have blogs. It doesn't really matter whether they know I have a blog or not.
I have tried to "out" myself with care and tact. It seems impossible at work given the politics, their policies and the unclear boundary of where work stops and a personal life starts. I have worked to move off of people's radar screen so I can be more open. I have had limited success with my family too. I don't have any agenda of saying "here I am" to anyone. I just need to be honest with close and personal family and friends if the subject comes up in a positive setting.
In summary, this is a little blog in a little corner of the internet and I am just fine with that.
I have the skills and knowledge to market a blog or a web site, expanding the public relations part of it, handling market communications and so on. I have done this elsewhere.
I could be doing things like putting pointers to it on twitter, fetlife and other social media outlets. I could be working in keywords for web search engines, adding sexy mainstream photos with captions for image searches, dropping people's names, etc. I could be working to get other blogs and social media to have links to this blog to also expand the hit rate and other tricks. There is an endless number of things I could do to make this blog more visible but then that would be work.
I am not interested in that work.
My intent behind my blog is to provide some help to myself and to others. By writing down things, organizing things and reading them back I get some clarity for myself and it helps my thinking. There are times I just need to express myself without any regards to other people, it makes me feel better. Sometimes I write in the hopes that others may be helped, I consider that a failing of sorts given the internet is filled with trolls and that sort of goodness is buried under the crap.
I have limits with this blog.
I would love to think it is anonymous but I know better. A little digging, back door access and some other tricks and I am easily found. There are even easier ways to find me using other people's web sites and some non-online detective work. With this reality in mind, I pull back on some details about people, places and myself -- whatever I put in this blog is something I have to live with.
The person, me, behind the blog is known in various places and circles. I have in person talked with a variety of people who are on twitter or have blogs. It doesn't really matter whether they know I have a blog or not.
I have tried to "out" myself with care and tact. It seems impossible at work given the politics, their policies and the unclear boundary of where work stops and a personal life starts. I have worked to move off of people's radar screen so I can be more open. I have had limited success with my family too. I don't have any agenda of saying "here I am" to anyone. I just need to be honest with close and personal family and friends if the subject comes up in a positive setting.
In summary, this is a little blog in a little corner of the internet and I am just fine with that.
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